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 Apr 2011 AJ Enemie
Overwhelmed
in this,
my darkest hour,
the shadow of doubt
sits as I sleep
staring into my eyes
when I look at
him
and burning
holes in my form
when I find the
courage
to look
away

he is silent,
most times

seemingly satisfied
with encroaching fear
from his very prescience

but at times,
he does speak

he whisper to me
soft truths
which I cannot
deny
but
I refuse
to
accept

these truths
like…

that I’m failing
at the simplest of
tasks

or

that I’m
unable
to control myself
and what
I am

or

that
I am no
longer
someone that
I would
look
up
to

for the most part,
I can ignore these.

going about my days
in bliss and happiness
and sunshine

other times,
I am not so
lucky

when my bed
seems my only
friend
and I flop
down into its
soft sheets
and begin drifting off
into my own
world
I am
suddenly reminded
of his
existence

this is when he doesn’t talk

he just looks at me,
knowing why I am so
desperate to get away
from everyone,
and continues to
look

stop staring!
I say

stop staring!
I say again

stop staring!
stop staring!
stop staring
you *******
freak!

but he doesn’t

I work myself up
arguing with him

rationalizing his motivations
analyzing his strategies
predicting his moves

it just makes the whole
experience hurt worse
until finally:

I grab the lamp,
the bottle, the
plate, the knife,
the book, the child,
the girlfriend, the
family member,
the moral

and

throw it at him

every time
the object shatters
against the wall
and the shadow
is gone

I never see where he goes,
I’m still not sure of his name
or his purpose

in these, my darkest hours,
I can feel his eyes burning
me

he whispers answers
too hard to swallow
and edges me on till
I gallop over the edge

once I jump,
he leaves,
leaving me to wrestle
back to some sort of
sanity

I am not sure why
I am not sure when
I am not sure how
it’s possible in the
first place

but I know he will return
and I will be left to wrestle
with myself when he departs
again

in my bleakest moment,
even sleep haunts me with
dreams of my corpse
 Apr 2011 AJ Enemie
Aspen
It all gets lost today
I can't believe that at the end of the day
I threw my life away
What a waste of time, emotion
Breathe it out 'cause its just a love potion
Its not real, There's nothing to feel
Heart screams let him go and do not dance slow.

Tears fall like autumn leaves,
I have to remind myself to breathe
Running away from destiny,
Is this all that you could be?
So forget yesterday and forget tomorrow
This life, it seems I have borrowed
These twists weren't meant for me
There is so much you didn't see

Alone in the dark and locked up inside
Tell me how is there no place to hide
Untying the knots you've made
Can this "love" be saved?
Understanding has been lost
I am broken, was it worth the cost?

Tomorrow will you still be gone?
Either way I will stay strong
Fighting the fake and fighting your power
This is our final hour

I'm writing you out, staring up at the ceiling
Don't attempt to force-feed me feelings
You villain, you made me believe your lies
This time there is no compromise
Choking, I finally find a friend
Gasping for breath, I find the end.
Written by me, two years ago.
 Apr 2011 AJ Enemie
Aspen
I will be running around my room
Worrying, and frantically trying to get ready
Because I  will need to be perfect.

I will be wearing red,
because Seventeen magazine will say that
its the color that guys like the most on a girl.

I will put on lip gloss,
because mama will say that lipstick, is too ******,
while lip gloss speaks innocent, yet seductive.

I will stare in the mirror forever and debate:
hoop earrings? or danglies?
I will finally decide on my zipper earrings; danglies.
Only because they will show my quirky side,
and they won't give the impression of trying too hard,
like my big zebra stripe hoops could.

I will hide my 3-inch heels just partially
under the cuffs of my dark blue jeans.

Looking at the clock will get me nervous,
so I will try to calm myself down by focusing on
applying that perfect swipe of eyeliner...

And all too suddenly,
There will be a beep from the street outside,
and I will look out the window from the safety of my bedroom
to see him in his pick-up, waiting.

Daddy will say cautiously,
that a boy with more character
would come to the door.
But I won't be listening.
I'll be replaying my mantra in my head,
"He's different, he'll be special."
I will have convinced myself
that my parents will see the good in him...

And I will be out the door,
And on my way to his car,

And I'll trip.

And he'll laugh...

And I'll look back at my parents in the doorway,
one last time,
before turning once more and getting into the car...

And months later,
I'll look back on that moment and think,
That right then and there,
From the very beginning,
I should've known.
This poem was originally written in present tense, but I revised to be in future tense to give it a more emotion and a more ominous feel.
No time
No hope
No honour
No justice
No peace
No heart
No soul
No will
No desire
No right
No need
No way
No want
No one
No more
No know

Know time
Know hope
Know love
Know honour
Know justice
Know peace
Know heart
Know soul
Know will
Know desire
Know right
Know need
Know way
Know want
Know one
Know more
Know no
copyright Chris Smith 2010
 Mar 2011 AJ Enemie
Meka Boyle
Your all the same
In order to blend in
You surrendered your brain
Unable to attach any emotion to pain
Going through life with a common aim
Yeah your agreeable
So is everyone else
When opinions are vacant
And hidden on a shelf
Far away from conversation
Your thoughts escaped
Call it desperate evacuation
So alone and trapped you give up the fight
Surrendering yourself
Along with your rights
Yeah your driven
By a common goal
Inclined to give in
Together you are whole
Alone you nothing
Aside from yourself
Yet who are you without anyone else
Eyes set on perfection
You **** your soul
Skipping the resurrection
Unable to make any connection
Between your mind
And the social setup by which your bind
Your burden was too heavy
So you left it behind
Yet still you long for what you once knew
In a world of falsehoods there is a hint of what's true
Calling
Beckoning
Enticing you
Unaware of how to achieve it
You set out to deceive it
Convince it you don't believe it
While getting close enough to breathe it
Still afraid to break out of your shell
Afraid of heaven you take refuge in hell
You have no means of being substantial
Your reality check was declined
But you only see the debt as financial
So please understand that you can't comprehend
The reality of thought
So keep calling it pretend
Just don't try to understand me
Because your petty words can't brand me
And no matter what you do
Without insight you will never see
Past the curtain
Separating you from me
Rewritten, rewritten, rewritten,
Rewritten is the story of us...
With the intent of making it beautiful.
Honest.

But as with this distance,
Adding more lines can make a poem complicated,
Until I can't quite remember why I'm writing anymore.

Why must I tell you that once time passes,
I'll spend it with you in the arms of love,
When every moment is another mistake,
Spent by me with another in the throes of passion?

And how sorry I am,
For not being a happy have-not,
Though I know that I will.

You deserve someone who writes as beautiful and as honest as she is.
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