I want you to stop being calm
I want you to stop being stupid
stop pretending like none of it is happening
that we aren't in the middle of a disaster
stop being okay with it.

It isn't okay.

Sometimes, it really isn't.

We'll never succeed.
The world out there is hard.
No one has money
No one is happy
No one has a job
The government is out to get us
No one becomes famous, no one is the best.
We'll never get to the professional league, we'll never be on TV, we'll never change the world.

Why won't we?

It's been drilled into us since we could talk how incredibly unlikely it is that
any of our hopes or dreams actually work out.

I'll do it for you
I'll give you what you asked

But I know
I know what will happen

I know you will remain unimpressed, disappointed, and unloving.

I'll do it to make you happy even though it won't.

it's hard to hate someone in the same crisis as you.
because who else feels the same pain?

Your hateful heart yearns for understanding.
And the one who can supply that
is one whom you can never forgive

The understanding of another's pain
brings you unwanted compassion

it's hard to hate someone in the same crisis as you

I will write in Sharpie
regardless of what you say
You can't erase Sharpie
just like your mistakes
in life,
you have to deal with it,
fix it,
make it into an awkward flower.

I can do it myself
but I've allowed you to stay
I can't do it myself
and you've stayed anyway

my wrists won't hold me up
and my ankles are giving out
I can't open my mouth
but my eyes are trying to shout

I tried to not trust you
don't leave me again
you somehow did it,
got me to let you in

while my own body gives up
and only my pain is here
hopefully you stay
please don't disappear

I won't admit I need you
but I wish that you would
not tire of my aching
though I'm certain you could

hold my hands when my wrists can't
carry me when my ankles give in
hear me when I can't say anything
take me away from where I've been