I am sure now that it was
only the idea of you.
The idea of you
clenched my heart in its
strong, unwavering hand.
My heart could no longer beat
without knowing your tight grip.

You’re fading now...
I’m learning to live without you.

(a.g.)

It’s okay to miss things –
Like your favorite shirt when you were little
that you lost or outgrew;
Your old room;
Your old friends you haven’t talked to in months;
Lost loves...

You can miss who you used to be.

But, should we try to forget them?
Maybe we should.  
Because it's too hard to remember all these things
and pretend I feel whole without them.

you said you’d be my bridge over troubled waters,
but you left.
now I’m left
drowning in your blue eyes
and all we could have been.

I wrote you letters,
Knowing you would never read them –
But at least it made me feel close to you,
If only for a little while.
A sliver of hope preoccupies me,
telling me that maybe someday you will read them…
Maybe someday you’ll find your way back to me.
Maybe you and I really were meant to be.

I don’t think about you as much anymore --
But I still think about you.
Maybe my heart is finally learning that it can’t break itself
Over and over
As it realizes that you weren’t meant to be mine.

I thought you were…

God seemed to send me so many signs.
Did I make them all up?
Did I want you so badly that I believed every little thing was a leading me to you?
It couldn't have been all in my head.
You felt it too, right?

We shared our darkest secrets,
All the little details,
You seemed to understand me
in the way I have craved to be understood.
Did I make that all up?

And we were always happy.
You made me smile like I never have –
Everyday.
Did I not make you feel that way?

Was this all in my head?

Did I break my own heart with the mere idea of you?
But, oh, I still love the idea of you --  
And me.
I can’t escape this.
No matter how hard I try, I always end up back here;
Clinging to you.

Maybe one day I’ll forget.
You’ll go from a daily thought,
To a monthly one.
I’ll lose the idea of you,
Until I only remember you when a certain song comes on,
Or I remember a joke you told me.

The idea of losing you seems impossible –
every little thing seems to point me back to you.

(a.g.)

If only I could go back

I keep thinking about how I would do everything differently –
I would have walked with more confidence,
I would have spoken up more,
I would have told you how I felt,
Or maybe I would have held more in…
Maybe that would have made a difference.
If I could go back
I would be kinder – especially to myself,
I would not care so much about what others think,

I would be better.

But, there’s no going back.
We must accept the weight of the past.

(a.g.)

one day this will all seem like nothing.

oh how I wish today was that day.

(a.g.)