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Adam Smith Dec 2017
As I look at the bullet, my head hurts like I've done this before.
I'm ready to end it, aside from the mess I'd leave on the floor.

My only concern of what I'd leave behind,
The burden to clean up whatever's left to find.

It'd be more than a week before anyone knew,
and only for something that I didn't do.

I used to worry bout how it'd be done,
Now I don't care; everyone else has won.

It doesn't need to mean something special to me,
Its not worth pressing on with whats destined to be.

I've held on longer than I thought I could,
It would seem much longer than I really should.

No need to see whats around the next bend,
I've turned a few corners and this is the end.

So one last pull while I'm standing tall.
I just need one, then you can have it all.
Adam Smith Sep 2017
I open my broken heart and share all that I am.
Most don't even notice, but you actually seem to see.
You said that's everything you've been looking for in a man.
I didn't notice at first, now cant help but think what might be.

Conversations good and the relationships in bloom;
till you ask about the guy in the other room.

Tell me what you want me to say;
cause whats in my mind wont come out the right way.

I know its a bad idea, but I think about it anyway.
All I want is for you to stay,
but now I know you don't look at me the same way.

Maybe it was all the stress or too much to drink,
we shared a moment and a kiss, in a night of what should be bliss.
But the next morning left me not knowing what to think
I'd give everything in my life for it not to have ended like this.

You mention that its just between us, no one else should find out.
Now there's this perfect thing, we're not allowed to talk about.
Suddenly you're with a friend of mine, here in this place,
and I Have to watch you be with someone else,
all without escape.
Adam Smith Dec 2015
You hit me in the heart, dead square in the chest. Wanna be a badass? put yourself to the test. Don't question me with your bullet proof vest! I'll put 2 in your head and not worry the rest.

I'll double tap when need be, but preach love is the best. I thought you you were cool, but you're just like the rest.

Don't think cause I was open, that I cant defend, cause I let you in, thinking you were a friend, that I didn't see how it could be in the end.

I might hurt for now, but I'll ******* end you. And all of those who believe that Karma is true, could only justify that what I did was due.

And when it comes to loss, no one will miss you. I know I didn't, my proofs right in plain view, everyone can see you laying there under my shoe.

I'll tell them all the tale, of how you tried and you failed... Wait, that was your plan?! So that's why I've been jailed? That's not too bad, I've no hope of bail.
Adam Smith Jul 2015
To hang with my crew, any day of the week, would leave 21yr old me, in the bathroom on his knees.
Wether we chill in the lot with a Rapper blowing trees, or moonlight the bar with lap dances and whiskey.

5am, 'In The Air', single mom feeling naughty
Next thing I knew, was at the afterparty.
Hooked up till dawn, but cant tell nobody.
Haven't shaved in a week, cant remember last sleep.
Ask me where I was and you'll never hear a peep.

Head home for an hour, change of clothes and a shower
Then back to work, cause the wicked get no rest
My tire explodes, Im on the side of the road,
and Im dressed to be sat at a desk.
Catch my breath screaming '****!', **** near hit by a truck,
as now rain pours down in my face.

Tore my shirt and late for work, *******! do I hate this place.
Now the hours feel like years, till I again have some beers and get back to where I feel like me.

6am in the bar, and just lit my cigar, and the bottle it seems is empty.
Lather, rinse and repeat, cause its only midweek
And this is how I know to mend.
What is my life? **** if I know, but a ShitShow you'd pay to attend.
Adam Smith Apr 2015
If I end this life, will I be trapped in my dreams? They're always soo bad I wake up with a scream. Nightmares so real, they must belong to someone else, or was I awake, and there really is no help.

I sit in my car more alone than ever, with soo many ties I didn't mean to severe. But I shoulder the blame and take the hit, cause that's what yo do, this is ******* man ****. Owning the fault I can't make amends, can't believe I lost so many friends.

The rest don't seem real, and with work crashing down, if I can't end my life I should leave this town. But I'm too broke to move with nothing to look towards, so all I can do is ******* write these words.

I'll let the drugs have their way as I put an end to this day, and hope all this ***** in my head. So if I don't wake up, pray my dreams not ****** up; at least I went out in my bed. For as much as I sleep, maybe days it'll be, fore anyone knows that I'm dead.
Adam Smith May 2014
Behind each drag of my cigarette, I think about the years that I've got left. And where I've gotten (not) so far, I try to drown out, sitting at the bar.

Thinking bout my friend that I just buried, and another who said that he's getting married. All the family drama that's going on, and this chick at the bar that I couldn't take home.

I'm Worried bout my job that's a *******, and how I don't have a thing if I ******* lost it.

Then there's this girl that's a perfect fit. Problem is, to her I don't exist.
Except that I do, but just a friend. And so I know will be my end.  There's nothing new around the bend. I'd give it all for a chance to mend.

But that's not to be, as cracks run deep. I'd simply settle for some decent sleep. But sow as I may, I'll just never reap, for truth be told, they say I'm a creep.
Adam Smith Mar 2014
I can't tell now, if its the *** or the Tears
but I cant see straight, to face my fears.
Of losing my friend of so many years

I know you're not dead, just moving away
but now so much is missing from my day to day;
I still want to call you when plans get made.

Now there's no one left who remembers the days,
when we were more than This and making the grades.
And no more drunken nights of video games.

Now there's no one left who knows what I meant,
when I laugh alone or start talking ****.
I'm just out of place / inappropriate.

People ask what I'll do when you're gone.
I crack some joke about your new cheese farm,
to hide the fact that I'm not ready to move on.

I wish you luck and all the best,
but ******* for leaving me in all of this mess!
I didn't mean to get sappy, but you get the jest.

See ya down the road buddy.
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