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 Mar 2014 Adam Oltrop
Emma
"Excuse"
 Mar 2014 Adam Oltrop
Emma
I hate  
When people
Make these rude
Comments like
"Anxiety isn't a big
deal. Just be
calm."
Or,
"Depression isn't real,
You just need to be
happy."
Or,
"Mental illness' are just
excuses for lazy
people."

Because these people
Don't understand
How terrible
Anxiety can be
And how it can leave you
Paralyzed.

Or how monstrous
Depression can be
And how
The demons will visit
Late into the
Night
Or even say hello
When the sun
Is still in the
Sky

Or how
Any mental illness
Can leave you
Shaking to the
Bone
Or crying
All the time
Or leaving you
Feeling like no one
Cares.

Because it's not just an
"Excuse."

-e.w.
In absence,
A lost key is only
                   A catastrophe,
When the door is locked from the outside,
And everything important is within.

That is when we are reaquianted,
With an old concept.
One that can occur to anyone-
                              If they have the mind to lose the key.
It is the called,
                  The snowball effect.
When we are to leave without our prizes inside.
And all that is taken for granted,
Is kept beyond the width of a door.

But most of all, there is one,
Who will again take for granted his prizes,
And lose them along the way.

And although, these are not materialistic prizes,
They are prizes of greater worth than any
Kept behind that blasted door.

When these, his friends,
Give sacrifice, and he cares not to thank them.
When these, gifts to an undeserving man,
Are asked yet again, and these favors are not repaid.

This, is the snowball effect.
Something that can occur to anyone,
                    -if they have the mind to take their prizes for granted
Or ever have the idiocy to lose the key that unlocks them.
For locked out he may be,
This man has lucked out.
I come from an environment
where change is an everyday routine
and people can flip their switch
at the strike of a match
so I apologize if every instance
of difference sends me spiraling
downward into a self inflicted
illusion that may or may not be real
but I can’t help that every small
indication of separation
makes me cringe.
I have fallen in love
and fallen accustomed
to hyper sensitivity
and hyper awareness
because the only love
I’ve ever been apart of
was unrequited and
I was inadequate.
And the only love I have
ever been shown
was intoxicated
by madness
and left in the cold
with mental scars
and bruises on young arms.
I don’t want my past
to destroy my future
but if you’ve seen the life
I have been shown
you would think there were
roaches in diamonds
and disease in gold.
Love is not
what makes me paranoid
it’s loyalty,
because how can I learn
to receive
what I’ve never in my dark past
been shown or reciprocated.
I need to learn to trust
in mostly myself and I
because I’m tired of thinking
every beautiful day and genuine person
is all just an a illusion of my mind.
 Nov 2013 Adam Oltrop
a m a n d a
i've been staring
into the void
and it's been staring back
p u l l i n g me
closer
whispering truths
smoke billows
and i'm dancing
like the devil got ahold
of me
it's such an odd
and very specific world
i inhabit
my own personal
                  funky town
i need someone
to DROP THE BASS
directly on me
pull me to the center of the earth
then propel me into space
on magma and music
and i will laugh
all the way to the moon
berries and cloves and
deep bass and drums help
keep me sane
because i don't see
the place i belong
i don't think i belong anywhere
except inside
my own creations
alone,
i paint the paper
i scratch on the wall
i paint my body
i move
like the music
was born in me
...how do i find myself
when everyone seems to think
i'm right here?
trap music
trap me
drop the bass on me
because i can't find
a bass-less place
to be

— The End —