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108 · Apr 2020
My Loyal Deception
Adam Kinsley Apr 2020
I see the end of my feeble might
Watching Rome burn, with Nero Caesar at my side (1)
My brothers have gone mad--
The unsurpassed past stalks me like my shadow

Behind closed doors, I hear deception lurk
Redemption turns into defection from my conscience
My misdeeds swim with me in a vibrant sea of self-loathing
I hear the Visigoths clamor outside of my brain's walls (2)

My paranoia precedes my ambition
I sent spies to **** my loyal friend, Parmenion (3)
No crisis is averted with my self control
I expose my haughty pride to choler and strife

My senses burn through their synapses
Soon, all will be lost--
Integrity took an extended vacation
I blackmailed Her with all that will vex...
NOTES
(1) Nero Caesar was the last in the famous (and, infamous) first line of Roman emperors. Halfway through his reign, a great fire destroyed roughly 1/3 of Rome; after-which, Nero started to show signs of insanity.

(2) In 410 AD (ACE), the Visigoths were the first foreign invader to enter and sack Rome since the Gauls did so exactly 800 years earlier

(3) Parmenion was the second-in-command to Alexander the Great. He was trustworthy, and was also a friend to Alexander's father, Phillip II. When much of Alexander's unhappy army started to mutiny, Alexander killed several of his army's leaders and their fellow conspirators; but then, in paranoia, sent assassins to **** his second-in-command, Parmenion, without any word to or from him...even though it was never proven that Parmenion had any knowledge of the plot.
Adam Kinsley Jun 2020
My pride is a crutch
I do not dream much
Archaic notions of solace surround me
I'll soon lose it all--
You'll see

What fevered dreams had befallen me?
A cordial endeavor to give up the ghost
Only to search for it in ever corner of my mind
I've tried for a long time, since my birth:
To sabotage my time on this Earth

A husk of a dreamer, I saw in the mirror
His downfall is much clearer
There is solemn beauty on the bottom floor
These two hands have done much to abhor
I wish that I could say more...
98 · Mar 2020
Coy Koi
Adam Kinsley Mar 2020
You femme fatale
I lost morale
We give and take:
It's our mistake

We're cruel and coarse
There's no remorse
We bent the rules
Our hearts are fools

There's no control
I sold my soul
We cheat and lie
And, live to die

We're tried and true
With fear, anew
Devoid of sense:
We're on the fence

Benign intent:
Our hearts are spent
With fear and joy:
Our lust is coy

This Love pretends
So soon, it ends
To no avail:
We're doomed to fail...
96 · Jun 2020
The Babel of Confusion
Adam Kinsley Jun 2020
Her heart is lost to my weary hands
Undiscovered solace remains as such
She is the Queen of my unattainable dreams
The vexing silence precedes me

Our hearts sleep in separate rooms
Such blissful schemes are stranger than fiction
My descent into madness is afoot
I hung my heartstrings from the ceiling

My intention missed the bus again
I abandoned my heart's reconstruction
And, confined in the menagerie of her solace:
I will be devoured by the bowls set for Babylon

The future has written itself
I was written off in the final chapter
But, I still dream, in turn:
Of holding Her heart in my weary hands...
93 · Apr 2020
Souls To Lose
Adam Kinsley Apr 2020
What fruitless inaction:
What closely-knit schemes
My will has lost traction
It's just like it seems

Redemption eludes me
I trade it for fear
This lust still precludes me
It's all I can hear

Dissension is growing
I gave up the ghost
There's sorrow in knowing:
I missed Her the most

The Devil deceives me
But, I had to choose
Though no one believes me:
We've souls left to lose

I took up pretending
To live like a fool
What time am I spending:
So callous and cruel?

What vexing contention:
Her heart in my hand
I shudder to mention:
Our dreams weren't manned...
91 · Jan 2020
A Walk With Satan and God
Adam Kinsley Jan 2020
My cruelest intentions deceive me, and vex
The dreams I create put my heart in a hex
Distraught by ambition, regret knows my name
A stranger to solace: I'm solely to blame

The breadth of my sorrow still thrives in my soul
There's no place to run to; there's no where to go
Conviction precedes me and leaves me to die
It's tough to decipher what isn't a lie

What grief will allot me is fictitious schemes
To bury intention, and give up my dreams
What price was this folly? How much is my heart?
There's no home to go to; just where do I start?

Intrepid, my demons return to their crimes
My sins came to haunt me a trillion more times
I see my Accuser and fall to the dust:
'Oh God, don't forsake me; but **** me, you must'...
90 · Apr 2020
Set It Loose
Adam Kinsley Apr 2020
I vaguely remember
My heart in Her hand
Those days, spent in silence
My head in the sand

The time swiftly passed us
Each year, we loosed hope
When push comes to shoving
It's harder to cope

With cruel recollection
We hid each mistake
Our minds, self-deceptive
We give less than take

With passion, unconquered
We gave up the ghost
Amidst my intention:
I miss Her the most

We gave up our solace
To search for cruel schemes
If only we'd known this
Outside of our dreams...
89 · Mar 2020
Her Devices
Adam Kinsley Mar 2020
Spinning the bottle:
Hand on the throttle
Unwanted dissent:
It's not what I meant

Cordial yet feckless
Livid and reckless
I gave up trying
I felt like dying

Euphoric divergence:
Chaotic resurgence
It's just as it seems:
I gave up my dreams

I run from the past
To live in this caste
Self-loathing will boast
I miss Her the most...
"Her" in this piece isn't actually a woman, but rather, a point in time in the past.
87 · Mar 2020
What Once Was Retrieved
Adam Kinsley Mar 2020
I took a trip down to where my life went off-track
To tear up aspiration, once-and-for-all
But, I've been trying with all of my treacherous might:
To pretend that I don't want little pieces back

To retrieve my schemes, which once were dreams:
I delve into the synapses, of which I wished were contrived
As an indentured servant of a past which hasn't passed
Apparently, my heart's omission is exactly as it seems

Two witnesses agree: each third angel will fall
What I proposed as wit, I need to forget
I failed to surmount my own conscience
The will I contracted was feeble to sprawl

Who heard heralded heartstrings here in my heinous Hell?
Through a system of tweaked perceptions:
Of odious arrays of distinctive dishonor
But: I guess, all my demons have known me so well...
The first two stanzas of this piece speak about humanity's weakness, and the second of pride (alluding to the fall of man and fallen angels)
85 · Feb 2020
The Music Left
Adam Kinsley Feb 2020
I feel like a floater:
I find a different life every year
Euphoria is a thing of the past
An archaic dissent into madness

"The words I write are cheap and trite"
I bury my demons, but they come out at night
I can't escape from the words in my mouth:
Or, the vexation stuck in my soul

I hear the music between my heartstrings:
But, do not know how to portray [it]
My reflection has mocked me for years
I don't feel most of anything

My conscience has taken an extended vacation
I called them, but they passed out on the couch
Dreaming has passed my past
I can barely remember...
Listened to this song while writing this piece:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5p7Hjy5BBgQ
79 · Sep 2020
It Seems
Adam Kinsley Sep 2020
Will I be, forever, a fearmonger's slave?
Such heartfelt complacence leaves little to crave

My will has defected as memories fade
Synapses are failing, my conscience was played

I'll **** that whole bottle and wake up the same
I live for the shameful, and pass off the blame

Without my intention, I float through this earth
I loathe this perception, yet had it since birth

How long must I live with these demons of old?
My soul, it has seemed, to the Devil, been sold

There's no doubt, by reason, my reason's in doubt
It seems I have chosen my conscience to rout...
This piece was written in regards to vices...basically anything into which we put time and effort, along with poor reasoning.
Adam Kinsley Dec 10
A Monday night thriller:
His wife was the killer
The steel pierced his chest
And time did the rest

He thought it was hidden:
A dual life, forbidden
But, time had remarked
Another love, sparked

A culprit was shown
The "friend" she had known
Had crafted a lie
And made him her guy

The second girl learned
That vengeance still burned
She let her inside
That night, three had died...
48 · Nov 26
A History of Ignorance
Adam Kinsley Nov 26
We're solemn and trite
Our words, soaked in spite
So often, dismayed
Our hearts are betrayed

I crawl through the night
And, writhe in my spite
I gave up the ghost
I miss Her the most

But, we chose our fear
So often, unclear
There's nothing to say
We both lost our way

Pretending we're fine:
Our hearts crossed the line
We built up this lie
We're waiting to die...
24 · 1d
What's App, Doc?
Antisocial mediums
Sacrifice to the brazen bull
All for one, and one more fleeting night
Light the Tinder up

Stalk me on TikTok
My eyes haven't Faced
A Book in my
Entire life

I Reddit on X
I'm addicted to ***
In an Instant:
My morals aren't worth a Gram

Before we Chat
Let me hide my real self
In a Snap:
I'm Linked In to this charade

I Draft a King's self portrait in my own perception
Jamie Foxx made me do it
To keep my mind off this:
I will lease another iPhone on credit...
Did I say "buy"? I meant, "trade in."

— The End —