Love, you seem so sad and lonely.
Wont you dry your heavy eyes?
"I promise I wont ever leave you..."
foundations built on these lies

You've come so far with all that baggage,
surely you must be spent.
Let me carry the weight and put you to bed
tomorrow you'll see that I went

Place your trembling hands in mine
For I can bear it all
Softly tell me your fears and what moves you
I like getting you high before you fall

Sleepless nights spent missing you
Wishing you were by my side
I can't stand my life without you
You were my light
And now you've burned out
I wish I could have you back
But I know there's no hope for reconciliation
You're selfish
You can't forgive me
You can't even see me for who I am
You don't look at what's in my heart
And what's in my mind and soul
You just look at my past and my wrongdoings
And you judge me based on so little
I always look at you fondly
I've never judged you
However
I don't even know why I want you
You're only interested in your own personal gain
I'm so exhausted of occupying this trap you've set
I suppose only time can help me out of it

you want me to write poetry that doesn't twist a heart
to write poems of love and the beauty that exists within it
you want me to write like I used to and explore the depth of love I feel
to write poems about how beautiful it is to fall in love and to lose oneself
you want me to write and write and never stop writing because it is my savior
to write the poems you so love to read and the ones that made you feel so special
you want me to keep smiling and loving and being happy
to write poems of my joy and happiness and the life that makes me feel so alive
you want me to be a person I no longer feel I can be and who is sad more than happy
to write poems that are joyful and graced and not laced with deceit and rejection
you want me to not feel sorry for the awful guilt I bestow on you for not feeling this way
to write poems of only the amazing bliss that true love graces us with
you want me to be me and yet being me means I love you and to love you is pain
to write poems which don't contain the pain my heart feels and will never heal
you want me to carry on regardless not holding back moving forward loved
to write poems of a new love of one I may have met or may not have met
you want me to let go when all I do is cry
to write poems that are cathartic
you want me to not hurt
but can you not see
all this does
is hurt me

and what hurts me more is that you want me to write poems
that don't contain hurt and pain because
love is beautiful
and I agree
it truly is

but this is pain
and it hurts me more
knowing you don't
ever
want me to hurt
not ever.

I am simply
stuck
         in
             love
with you.


© Sia Jane

I feel like I'm slipping back
But I was happy for so long
This feeling is stronger than ever
That feeling where you can't do anything but fake a smile
because you truly just can't smile
Where you can't just say "I'm fine" anymore
Because that lie only causes tears
Where at the sight of anything sharp all you want to do is tear your skin open with it
Watch the red turn to scars
When you watch your life slip through your fingers
I feel like I'm slipping back..