Life scares me
and
death does too
but what scares me most
is the thought of waking up
without you.

You aren't afraid of heights,
you're afraid of falling.
Of failing.
But how can you expect
a phoenix to rise from its ashes
if he's too afraid to burn?

There was a time when the only thing you could see
behind your eyelids were your mother's big blue eyes-
and now you have to concentrate to remember her.

There was a time when your dad was the only person
you'd let see you cry but now he's the only one
you won't.

There was a time when family meant the world to you,
when you were asked to draw a map in elementary school
and all you did was draw a human heart with the veins
all leading to stick figures of your parents.

There was a time when you were young and you sort of
realized that everything was not how it should be,
you thought "normal kids aren't like this" and
"normal parents don't act like this", until it became
your normal.

There were days when you wouldn't eat simply because
you watched your mother do the same.

There were hours when you'd take pills and lie in bed
because it was normal,
because you'd seen it.

But now you are older and you still have that infectious smile
but you know better, and family isn't connected to your heart anymore.
They're connected to your brain, where memories are stored.

There were days you spent letting go of the past, letting go of those
big blue eyes and the man who you'd let see you cry;
letting go, letting go
letting go
*let it go.

Something strange in the air flashed silver and red,
I jumped as a plane flew towards our building.
At that moment time moved in slow motion,
faces in the pilots' window looked unwilling.
I saw a man with arms widespread,
and another with hands in prayer.
Then the sober reality that everyone near me,
including myself, would soon be dead.
At that moment I felt no emotion
then everything sped up like a silent movie.
First I was jolted by a massive explosion,
then a ball of fire, and an ear-crushing scream.
The room ignited into a kaleidoscope painting,
then all I could remember was falling to my knees,
then dropping like a rock through chaos and commotion,
a flash of red light, then everything turned green.

Darkness
terrible darkness
I could feel no more,
I could not hear or see,
all I saw was blackness,
I could barely breathe.
Every breath was painful,
so very painful.
I am slipping into a dream,
no matter how hard I try
I can not speak,
I could only listen
to the faint sound,
the faint sound
of my last
heartbeat.