"It is always your name on my screen instead of hers!"

I want to shout,
That it has always been me.
After all these years,
It has always been us.
Being near you makes me happiest,
I've been.
And I wouldn't mind,
If you wanted me instead of her.

Instead I reply, "Sorry."

Once I read this beautiful quote,
By an old married couple.
The woman of a marriage of 65 years,
Was questioned,
"How have you guys stayed together for so long?"
She replied with a sense of pride, "We come from a time where if something was broken we would fix it." I thought that was absolutely beautiful.
I do not understand the concept of divorce,
I believe that once you are married,
That's it.
Till death do us part.
Times have changed since that old couple fell in love.
People today do not know how to handle things if they get hard,
So they just give up.
They have forgotten how to fix things.
It is tragic how divorce has become such a common thing,
When marriage used to be so sacred.
So when the time for marriage comes for me,
I want to be absolutely sure I could live the rest of my life that person.
I will vow that no matter how broken things get,
How hard,
I will put in the effort,
I will fix them.

I have gotten so used to letting myself down,
And getting let down,
That it doesn't surprise me,
When he greeted me with open arms,
I awkwardly stood there not knowing how to react.
So wrongfully shy,
For the right guy.


I hope he has patience.

I feel the world closing in,
My heart pounding rapidly like rain drops on a windowpane,
As I struggle for breath.
I want to cry,
Why do I feel this way so suddenly?
Moments ago,
I was absolutely fine.

Anxiety attacks make no sense.

I analyze,                                                         ­           my whole entire world
I specialize,                                                      ­            always in acting a fool
I socialize,                                                       ­ but the truth trickles through
I vocalize,                                                        ­                 not wanting to undo
I internalize,                                                     ­     everything that matters to
With surprise                                                         ­                   the ones I love
I realize,                                                         ­          they never left my side
Then I visualize.                                             Always believing what is right.

Here I am, looking up causes for headaches
at 1 am
when I know it will always come back to you.
My hands found the bottom of the ocean
as I cleaned old movie tickets out of my car today.
I can see your honesty from here.
It took my composure on its way out the door.
I’m not bitter anymore.
I’m just tired.
And I’m tired of being so tired.
I’m sorry you didn’t stay.
I’m sorry that I apologize
for all the times you didn’t.
I keep forgetting these things
are not one-sided,
and so,
I’m sorry I gave you everything
for nothing in return.
You tasted like love,
and I was parched.
Still am.

Why are we all so sad?
Smiles used to grace our faces
as easily as we breathe air

but now it seems as though even that is hard.

Everyone is...
broken.

This world wears you down
the darkness blankets us
it creeps in
dimming our light

Smiles are rare stars

Admire their beauty

Try
Try
Try
To add to the night sky
With a smile of your own

We can form a constellation.

above you
and you look at me, as if your waiting
waiting...
grasping my shoulders
you pull me in
our skin was touching
heating up,
your red nails dug into my back
but i loved it
your breathing hard
my mind cant take
im going crazy...
your blonde hair smells like fresh strawberrys
i could taste  it on your tongue

i cant get you out of my mind

****...

and when you held my hand

i lost all feeling from my head to my toes
from my head to my toes

i lost all feeling

through my bones
through my veins


when you held my hand tightly