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172 · Mar 2019
Two roads
Amy Childers Mar 2019
Two roads . . .
One side is light and the other
                                               is dark.

You, the reader, would naturally assume
That I chose the light path
Because the light exposes secrets and deception.
                                          
                                                But I am being guided by a fox . . .

He told me to go down the dark path
                                               And being me I was gullible and went with him.
169 · Feb 2019
Wish Upon a Star
Amy Childers Feb 2019
I was told that if I wished upon a star
It would come true...

I wish it hadn't...

I have lost everything
And everyone I loved.

On that cursed star, I lost my life
But I got what I wanted.

I miss what I had.

I will never wish upon that ****** star
Ever again...
163 · Feb 2019
Childhood
Amy Childers Feb 2019
I remember my innocent
Childhood like it was yesterday.
It is to bad that I can not relive just
One day.

Maybe the day
I lost my first tooth.
Or the day my sister was born.
Actual none of those are right.

I would go back to
The day that I first fell in love with you.
I would tell my younger self,
" See him over there? He is going to be the world to you."
159 · Feb 2019
Nightmare
Amy Childers Feb 2019
I just want to lay my head down to sleep
And dream of you and me.
We can bask in the afternoon sun
And you can be with me.

But dreams fade.
My phantom will meet its tragic end.
However she will haunt my dreams forevermore.
This nightmare will never end!
159 · Feb 2019
Heartache
Amy Childers Feb 2019
Sorrow seeps from thine eyes
Like love weeps from my heart.
My love is an arch-villain.
You should put a caution on my brain.
Once you lust me
You will never love again.
156 · Jan 2019
The Dendrophile
Amy Childers Jan 2019
Do you remember when I strolled past you
On that lazy summer day?
You laid on the bench
Across from mine
In that park that no one cares about.  

I went over and sat by you
On that blissful nostalgic day.
The next day you were still there
In the same place as always
Looking beautiful as ever.

I grabbed you from that bench and
I took you home in my pocket
And gave you a new home.
I watched you grow throughout the years
I fell in love with you and buried my tears.

Things around us are changing my dear
The old is out and the new is in.
I am afraid that the machines are going to take you away.
This place is going to be gone by tomorrow
For something that gives no sentimental value.

Just know that I love you.
I wish I could bring you with me
But your roots are too deep.
If people had seen our tragic love
Then maybe you wouldn’t be destroyed.

Do you remember when I strolled past you,
On that lazy summer day?
I think that was the biggest mistake that I ever made.
155 · Feb 2019
Painted Images
Amy Childers Feb 2019
A gazebo in the deep woods
Has been standing for almost 100 years.
Forgotten by society and left to debris.

The gazebo is covered in ivy and one single rose.

What are you going to stare at;
The fallen gazebo
The crawling ivy
Or the single rose?
Please answer. I want to hear your ideas!!! Thank you!
151 · Feb 2019
Oblivion
Amy Childers Feb 2019
Darkness is my muse...
The nothing has a nice taste...
It stares coldly at something...
I can picture everything in its shadowed frame.

I fell into it...
That blank face...
You are my oblivion...
I love the ring to that name!
150 · Jan 2024
Transparent
Amy Childers Jan 2024
Was it all a lie?
All of the memories and all of the moments we shared.
Do you think they ever cared?
Or was I just the unloved child who they never wished to be there?
Everything hurts.
Even when I close my eyes the memories don't escape me.
You would never understand how I feel because it is like I am being forgotten.
Like a transparent page you can not see unless you look harder.
My mind races each night before I go to sleep because I dare think
you my love
will forget me.
149 · Aug 18
My Rot
Amy Childers Aug 18
Something in me rots,
My hate has become nature,
I'm losing myself.
144 · Jan 2019
The Aviator
Amy Childers Jan 2019
Can you be my aviator
And fly me away from reality?
We can live among the stars
And forget our responsibilities.
We can forget about our past and
Look to the stars for our future.

In the sky, we can look down
And see the lives of people
Who does not know that they are
Being controlled by their social standards.
They don’t know what it is like to be
Free.

Free to be a bird
Not an ant that has to obey the queen.
Free to be my own albatross
Not a bee that goes straight to the hive.
Free to be my own god
Not a gazelle that is constantly being preyed by the lions.

In the sky, we can look down
And see the lives of people
Who does not know about the
Whispers of authority and ignorance.
They don’t know what it is like to be
Free.

Can you be my aviator
And fly me away from these burdens?
We can live in the clouds and we can be
Truly Free.
142 · Mar 2019
Standing Up
Amy Childers Mar 2019
Listen.
I am going to make this loud and clear.
I will talk to her okay,
But I will not let people tell me what to do
And tell me what to do with my feelings
Because guess what!!
MY FEELINGS MAKE ME WHO I AM!!!
If you can not understand that
Then I guess you never respected me in the first place.
This is what happens when you Stand Up for something that you believe in; a harsh text with my feelings poured inside.
133 · Aug 20
Unspoken
Amy Childers Aug 20
Let me write of you,
My gentle verses, while bleeding-
Raw, voiceless goodbyes.
121 · Feb 2019
The Wild Card
Amy Childers Feb 2019
Why do I let the wrong people in?
Why do I push the right people out?
Why is love so intoxicating and cruel?
Why do I fall for it every time?
Why do I never call your bluff?

That wild card is hard to swallow.
Your cuts don't show me a chance for your tomorrow.
I have seen your manipulation before
The question is should I not ignore
If I do who knows what is in-store.

Your love is toxic
Your heart is impure
You manipulate my brain
I am on the brink of becoming insane.
Maybe it is time to call your bluff.

I have now come undone.
118 · Feb 2019
Queen of the Night
Amy Childers Feb 2019
Oh Queen of the Night
Why must you wither before the morning light?
The gypsy among the burning sand.
The sun with its burning wasteland
Pales in your brooding sight.

Live just one more day
Because the sun hates what it can not touch.
Oh, what a tragic love!
118 · Jul 24
Unlimited by Words
Amy Childers Jul 24
My whole life,
I have been living within
The limitations.
A paint by the number,
No alterations.
My life,
Stunted
By the ones I loved.
Silence and obedience,
Their only form of love.
They made that truth
Run deep in my blood.
For in the silence,
They could prey
On my innocent love.
Mum's the only phrase
To keep their monsters at bay.
So I stayed silent.
I stayed compliant.
For years,
I found solace in the quiet.
And yet slowly
My courage peeked its head,
Became one with the paper,
And my story not only wept,
It bled.
It bled the truth,
With the words from my pen.
Unlimited by words,
I began.
I wrote of all my pain,
All the hate.
I wrote of my secret loves
And greatest shames.
With the pen I am a giant.
No reason to hide it.
With my words,
I become unlimited.
With my words,
A new world can begin.
A world of my own
Where the silence ends
And my life begins.
105 · Feb 2019
Why?
Amy Childers Feb 2019
“Why am I in pain?
Why does my heartache?
Why are my feelings buried so deep?
Who put them there?
Why can I not open the chest to my love?

Why can I not feel love anymore?
Why does everyone hurt me?
Why will they not let me in their mind?
Who are my true friends?
Why does their ignorance swell in my eyes?

Why am I not loved?
Why am I not cared for?
Why do I care about what they say?
Who began this masquerade?
Why am I still playing it?”

“Why am I so alone?”

“ Because you are not like us.”
I guess I am feeling alone.
104 · Jan 2019
Reality
Amy Childers Jan 2019
Warmth and Isolation.
The main drive in Human Nature.
As I sit in my version of Isolation
I feel the heat roll off my skin.
As I sit there I see the curtain moving.
I dare not open it.

Cold and Loneliness.
Nobody really wants to talk about it.
When people feel it that's when they shut up.
I know it’s out there, it always is.
It never goes away.
It is just something that we have to deal with.

If I open the curtain
My enchanted facade will fall apart.
But indelible the Warmth will run Cold
I will have to leave the Warmth and face the inevitable.
But that is okay.
The Warmth runs out anyway.

I can feel it.
The Warmth is going away.
Where has it gone?
Why can it not stay?
Why does it leave me when I need it the most?
But I will survive somehow.

Once I turn the Warmth off
I feel it leave my skin.
The curtain waves at me.
Beckoning for me to open.
I stand up
Forced to leave my warm Isolation.

I stand with the Cold on my skin
And I became aware of something that was not there before.
102 · Aug 16
Rain of Regret
Amy Childers Aug 16
Who I have cried for,
Was a specter with no blood.
Tears wasted like rain.
101 · Feb 2019
Your Poison
Amy Childers Feb 2019
I would smell your intoxicating aroma .
I could taste your venom poison my soul.
I used to love your devilish grin
And your stone cold eyes.
But your love is radioactive.

We were nuclear.
We were going to go off any day.
The question was when and how?
Our chemical reaction was doomed from the start
But your rancor stained my heart.
101 · Feb 2019
The Mask
Amy Childers Feb 2019
I don’t like to put on the mask
It hides who I truly am
It hides my wounds
It hides my scars
Or at least that's what I thought.

Without it they snicker
They jeer
They laugh
They sneer
They think their actions are invisible.

With it on they whisper
Fake compliments
Fake love
Fake people
They all learned to hide and observe.

I guess with the mask on or off
They are all the same.
So why do I always hear the whispers?
And why do I care?
They are all the same.

I guess it is best to live with the mask on
Then they are oblivious to my pain.
83 · Feb 2019
To Whom it May Concern
Amy Childers Feb 2019
To whom it may concern,
You do not know me and I don’t know you.
You will probably have no effect on my life.
We will never meet by chance
Or fate.
That stuff is just pure imagination.

To whom it may concern,
I will never experience love at first sight.
I will never be saved from the tower.
No prince will sweep me off my feet and carry me away
To a castle and make me queen.
That stuff is just pure fairy tales.

To whom it may concern.
I will never look deep into your eyes and see a future.
I will never be dazzled by your smile and your laughter.
I will never be charmed by your good looks.
I will never be held in your warm embrace.
That stuff is just pure hopes.

To whom it may concern,
No one will be mine
And I will never be someones.
So let's just go our separate paths
And never think of each other again.
That stuff is just pure reality.
81 · Jul 26
When Words Fail
Amy Childers Jul 26
There are only so many truths
I can write.
Only so much creativity
Until it runs dry.
How much longer
till my hand reaches the blade?
How much more
Cathartic writing can finally
Keep my mind at bay?
I try to remember
When a busy mind controls a steady hand,
I should be mindful of the tools I put in it,
But I am only so strong.
I hate to admit it.
And yet,
Even now,
I continue to write.
My hand reaches for the pen
And rejects the knife.
Each line is a release,
A release of the pain my mind holds deep.
But there are only so many pages to fill,
Only so much ink to bleed.
One day,
The well will run dry,
And I will plead with myself,
But the page will remain blank,
And my mind will greet the knife
Like it had never left.
A silent surrender
That the scars
Will never let me forget,
And if the words don't come,
Will the blade be the next to speak again?
When words fail,
I will try to seek a different light.
74 · Jul 17
The Weight of Presence
Amy Childers Jul 17
Your presence is so loud
It irritates my skin.
Your breathing sends me seething
Only the thought of silence
Can make me whole again.
Silence,
Something so quiet,
No thoughts,
No voice,
No presence,
Just a sweet end.

You are too loud,
It's suffocating,
Crushing,
I can't breathe.
I must quiet my thoughts or they may hear me. Quiet your breathing,
Will you just leave me!

Finally static.
I prayed for silence,
I craved the silence,
And it came.
Being empty,
It is familiar,
It's unfeeling,
It is nothing.

There is a power in silence,
Words unsaid yet known,
Unspoken truths that bind us,
Grown.
And yet in your absence,
Amidst the silence,
I found my voice,
And it bloomed despite your violence.
A fragile flower,
Now,
A spirited defiance.

No more silence.
68 · Aug 8
A Clean Burn
Amy Childers Aug 8
I don't ever know when to leave.
I never know the right time or
The right way to face it.
Leaving you would be like writing the story Halfway through and then tossing it.
That is why I need it to be you.
Please grab my pen and say it is the end,
Or I would never leave you.
I will stay rooted to this place,
Feeding the ghost of someone I knew.
I will always cling to that hope to the day you Drop the rope.
You don't understand how much I would Endure to feel your love,
Even for a fleeting moment,
But please cut our roots before you leave.
Make it painful,
Make it bruise,
**** it so I can't even feel you.
That pain will be the reminder that I lost you. Please butcher me,
because I could never do that to you.
Pour the gasoline,
Light the fuse,
So that it's the last moment I see of you.
Because if I don't feel the burn
And see the hate,
I will sit here and wait
Until you love me again.
Please make me hate you
So I can stop loving you.
A clean break,
Though it may scar,
Is what I need,
Or it will prolong the weakest parts of me.
And yet the gasoline was poured
Without my voice ever rising.
The flames engulfing our memories,
Their ghostly dance now mesmerizing.
No whispered goodbyes,
No lingering touch,
Just the searing cut.
In the ashes, a truth;
I'm finally,
Undeniably,
Free from you.
Though the pain will linger
As a haunting memory,
I will find my peace
Without you next to me.
65 · Aug 15
Inward
Amy Childers Aug 15
Something in me grows;
My soul finds its will, choice.
I am what I need.
My first haiku, I hope you like it!
53 · Aug 27
Sinful Confession
Amy Childers Aug 27
My mind craves your name.
It seeks your likeness in an ocean of faces.
It hungers for the shape of your ink on my pages.
It reaches for your touch,
A phantom warmth that time never changes. Am I going crazy?
Seeking your ghost in crowded rooms.
Hating each echo unless it comes from you. Maybe I am crazy...
No,
That seems wrong,
Because to feel this deeply,
This must be where the love begun.
I do love you.
No,
That sounds wrong,
The wrong pretense,
The wrong song.
Maybe this is not love,
But obsession.
My brain's twisted form of false possession.
I can't escape it;
Everywhere I turn,
There is you.
My mind seeks it in everything I do.
Every breath I take is for you...
With or without your presence.
Have these feelings become a sinful confession? I thought that love was all I could allow,
Has obsession consumed me now?
Is this love or a twisted game?
I can't tell,
They feel the same.
I don't know who I am anymore.
In loving you,
I've lost myself somewhere.
49 · Jul 4
Echoes in a Cage
Amy Childers Jul 4
Frozen.
Frozen, and yet I am still moving.
Moving at 100 miles per hour,
And yet my body is entirely
Static.
My eyes fixed forward,
Unmoving, unblinking,
Watering from the thoughts
Racing and pacing
In my mind.
Frantic,
All of the panic
Going to my throat.
My breathing constricted,
My lungs restricted.
Is this the proper way to cope?
Breathe in.
Hold.
Breathe out.
Hold.
Just do as you are told
And breathe.
Breathing would be easier
If it did not cause so much pain.
Just another reminder
That my mind may be
A gilded cage,
But it is still a chain.
I can't escape.
I am just an echo in a cage.
Amy Childers Jul 19
There is no me without you;
You made that truth.
Broke me, changed me,
Put poison in my roots.
Pruning, trimming,
Tightening the noose.
All of those alterations for a version of you.
I hate myself now, you win.
I hate my mind, my body, my skin.
All that makes me, me.
But did you truly hate me?
Or did you hate the pieces that reminded you of Him?
You became obsessed and tried burning my rot, but it wasn't just me on the family plot.
Your fire scorched all the ones we love,
All because I bear his blood.
Or was it my reflection you despised,
A mirror of your own eyes?
I can sympathize;
I hate most parts of myself,
But that does not dignify the years I have cried, All because you couldn't love yourself.
The cracks in our foundation are all that is left,
You can do a factory reset,
But I remember all the poison you have said.
I remember all of the lies, the pain, and the Deafening silence while the blade was on my Skin.
But you never saw,
The hurt I held close to my heart,
Or the blood I couldn't keep within.
So please be patient with me while I heal,
For the wounds you inflicted run deeper than You know,
But I am a survivor and I will emerge stronger Than before.
Amy Childers Sep 19
I don't think I am enough anymore.  
I can't breathe into you a new life or heal your Broken heart.  
Even the blood I shed to wet your Earth  
Was still not enough to stop us from falling apart.  

Maybe it is a good thing, this moment of clarity,  
To teach me that in loving you, I do not need to Lose myself necessarily;  
I only need to be mindful.  
To be mindful of the moments we shared,  
Mindful of how much of my soul to bear.  

But this does not mean I do not care.  
I finally realized that I was giving too much,  
I was suffocating you with my own air.  

In a way, it is for the best—  
For now, I will learn to breathe for myself,  
To make myself whole before I can give love to Someone else.  

I needed time to see that healing does not come from you alone,  
That what wounds I tried to mend in you were Echoes inside me too.  

If only I had learned sooner,  
I was trying to heal a part of me I saw in you...  

Goodbye, not to love, but to the part of me that Tried to save you.
33 · 3d
Silent Imprints
I don’t mean to cower at the hands that sustain Me.  
Old anger-cracked palms imprint my mind,  
And fear spreads quietly within me.  
With every touch, I falter at the warmth and Weight it holds—  
Afraid to break, yet too proud to fold.  

Deep inside, where biting fear and nipping Doubt reside,  
A fragile seed of trust begins to grow,  
But pain divides.  

In time, it could have blossomed into a Marigold,  
But the hands played God long before it could Unfold,  
Crushing the petals with a grip tired and cold,  
Snapping the roots, leaving no chance to hold.  

And yet the hands have been missing for years From my mind—  
Gone from their influence, awakened from their Lies.  
So what am I still afraid of?  
Why do I tremble when you bring your hands Close?  
Probably because I can’t tell if they are going to Caress my face  
Or tear at my throat.
30 · Aug 8
Graveyard of Profit
Amy Childers Aug 8
A handful of dead poems weighs down my Pocket,
A graveyard of my profit lost to word *****. Incomplete thoughts locked in a closet
The fragmented lines are all I can deposit. Complete stanzas are what I am craving.
Pen to the paper,
Creativity flowing from my fingers
Like colors from a painting.
I am tired of waiting.
I am tired of waiting for
My thoughts to blend into coherent words
That I can write with my pen.
But my mind can not offer that,
So please bear with me,
For even in the quiet,
A lone verse begins to riot,
And wildflowers bloom defiant
In the graveyard of broken silence.
30 · Sep 18
When You Atone
Amy Childers Sep 18
Before you seek forgiveness, understand,
It was never my intention to draw blood.
But words, like stones, leave wounds unhealed,
And cannot be beaten down to mud.

Yet your silence echoes louder than any plea,
A denial that fester's endlessly.
No matter how much you crave to manipulate The truth,
It still flows in our blood.

The truth, like fate, forevermore,
Will bind a graveyard of hate.
It will never wash away.
A shared history, you and I,
Painful truths we made along the way.
Acts we cannot hide.

Your bloodied knuckles can stain the stone,
But it stands defiant, even if alone.
Come, take your place, and I will fulfill mine,
But know this truth, grown deeper than the Bone:

You can flip the script, or soften old blows,
But our scars have been sown.
So choke on your lies, and come crawling to me
On your knees when ready to atone.
I lost you again today.
It wasn't sudden-
Your absence settled into my hand,
Sewn in like a button.

But it wasn't you,
But the light that threads through,
Stitching its warmth where you once outgrew.

Quietly,
I place my hand in the sun's soft glow,
Chasing the warmth you silently stole.

The heat,
Though a shadow of yours,
Was close-
I almost tasted home,
But it left a sour lump in my throat.

It was still a taste-
Better than leaving your tongue dry.

I lapped up the heat
Until my blisters split and dried.

I'm standing outside,
Anywhere but nowhere without you,
Trying to cup liquid sunlight,
But it slips right through;

Every hue feels empty now,
In the wake of you.

I guess that is the price
For loving you.

— The End —