I'm not sure what's going on
I can feel myself sitting here
but I've lost control of my body
my hands are frozen
I can't move
The feeling radiates to my head
as if my brain is in shock
and I can no longer keep my eyes open
My breathing is much heavier
and much faster
and I can't seem to slow it down
Tears fall from my eyes
and slowly leave me dehydrated
but unable to react
I sit here in my isolation
and for some reason
this feels like the end

What's happening to me?
I ask to the voices in my head
What were they saying again?
There were so many of them
and now my mind is blank

I sit here for a while
my breathing starts to slow
my eyes dry out
my fingers loosen their grip
And I fall asleep
praying
to be fixed

I took swimming lessons as a child
I thought I was preparing myself
for little pools and waterslides
but as I grew up,
I realized I was actually bracing myself
for the ocean in my lungs
the downpour on my heart
the streams in my eyes

The waves of adulthood
hit me so unexpectedly
that they knock me off shore
into the water
where I slowly lose myself

I sink and sink
so deep that I forget how to move my arms
my legs are tied down by its cold touch
I'm drowning
And as the water begins to devour my lungs,
I take one last breathe in defeat
and keep my eyes locked
on the faint light in the sky

Isn't it strange
how everything seems to work out
as if there's some sort of
master plan
for the way your life will unfold
That all your obstacles
are put in your way
for the sole purpose of
leading you down a path
you might've missed
when you were walking too quickly

What decides our future endeavours?
Is it the little voice in our head
telling us the difference between right and wrong
Or is it simply in the universe's hands
out of reach from our unworthy touch

I believe in fate
like I believe in hard work
And change
And progress
And failure
And hope
and maybe that's all I can do;
Believe

I don't want to hear
how nice my hair looks
how pretty my eyes are
or how flattering my top is
Tell me how I made you smile today
How I made you think
How I made you feel
Those are the only words I want to hear
Those are the only words that matter

Here you are again
puffy eyes, dried tears
What was it this time?
You think maybe it's just the usual
maybe you're overreacting
but that doesn't explain
the heaviness in your heart
the exhaustion in your breathe
the feeling of loss
over and over
There's no excuse
for feeling so small
in a place where
there should be magic

Everything seems so dark  
but you have to know
that you are not the rain
nor the thunder
you are the sun
and the sun still rises  
You can't always shine
you have to let darkness
take over for a little while
so your light can shine brighter
than you knew it could

What you don't realize is that
you've already lost him
Now it's time to find yourself

I think I've mastered the art
of disconnection
Often I let myself
ignore my priorities
for things not worth half the attention
I end up overlooking
the appreciation and love
that people in my life deserve
I let my feelings flow out with my breathe
instead of my eyes
I can't seem to remember
the last time I did something
good for myself
It's like as if sometimes
I'm simply just this being
without any human inside
I wonder if it's just a slump
a little reaction to the cold
or maybe it's not
maybe it's a reaction to something much deeper
Whatever it is,
is this me?