Why is it that my arms must bend before they break?
Maybe the winter wind decided that
I needed to be blind-sided with sharp leaves
The snowfall would much rather
Collapse its extra 50 pounds onto my decaying back
Instead

The snap of the wood echoed through
And awoke the sleeping willows

The darkness and the stillness
Did not make it with the sunrise
Wandering ambers of yours
Planted their residues into the core
Of my roots
A fire sparked down my spine
Before the sun set to rosy hues and gradients of light
It engulfed most of what was left
I let it

The snap of the wood echoed through
And awoke the sleeping willows

The remains?
I whispered to the wood
I whispered, “I am here, I am this,
I cannot feel my roots
Nor can I feel my branches
Let your willow leaves fly with open arms”

The snap of the wood echoed through
And the leaves flew past

The harsh winds and leaves only hit
On the coldest days
The scolding snowfall not such a burden
The fire sets when my trunk cannot bear
To hold itself in place

The snap of the wood echoed through
And it is too late to take the remains of destruction
And make it anew

I can no longer feel
the butterflies you let loose
in the depths of my stomach
your scent is washed away
along with the colours of
the sweater you let me borrow
I can't seem to remember
the last laugh we shared
or the first
I don't have the urge
to pick up my phone at 2am
just to hear your voice
I'd rather stay in alone
than plan something
for us together
your face isn't the star
of all my dreams
I can't seem to feel anything
anymore
and I'm scared of what that means

hold it in
don't speak
don't say a word
focus on your breathing
one breathe in
one breathe out
watch it leave your mouth
into the sky
don't stop breathing
close your eyes
clear your mind
think about that day last week
when you laughed so hard
you couldn't stand up
your favourite tv show
your dog waiting for you at home
open your eyes
what do you need to do
where do you need to go
play it out in your head
losen your shoulders
repeat words of encouragement
you can do it
you're ready
just remember
don't stop breathing

Remember when you used to
look at your future and see
me standing there
Don't lose sight of that
or else I'll slip away
too far out for you to reach

The truth is
things have changed,
we've changed
We're not the same people we were 3 years ago
no matter how hard we try
and I don't think that's our fault
It happens,
life happens,
and things change for a reason,
because if they're not changing,
we're not growing
and maybe that's the problem
we're growing
out of each other,
not into the perfect life
we envisioned years ago,
but into new things
that are better handled alone
But somehow,
after all the change,
you're still the only one who can
fulfill my loneliness
my sadness
the empty space in my heart
And that's why it's so hard for me
because without you,
I am incomplete

I too often
Feel like I am not living up to
What the world is offering me
Instead I'm settling
In my own comfortable reality
Too afraid
To cross the line
But I hear that on the other side,
There are clouds were rocks should be
The rain tastes like gumdrops
And everyone listens to your ideas
Maybe I'll see it someday
But for now,
I'll be here

Let me be your first sip of coffee
In the morning
So throughout the day,
You'll feel my energy
Caressing your veins
Or I can be the first splash of water
In your shower
Cleansing you of your past
And the damage left behind
But I'll also be your bed sheets
Waiting for you to come home
And let out all your sorrows
And then I'll be your pillow
Right under your mind
Leaving you with
That tiny bit of
Comfort
Every night