abs - Hello Poetry

abs Jun 2016

we

do not
******* use
we
in reference to
you and I
ever again.

you lost that privilege when you left, *******.

abs Jun 2016

6/21/16

**** your flowery words
they, just like you,
don't mean ****.

abs Jun 2016

so much

you never loved me, and I know that
so why does this hurt so much?
I was only ever some prize to you, nothing more
so why does this hurt so much?
You were always nicer to her than you should have been
so why does this hurt so much?

you told her you loved her, and never meant it more in your life.
i just hope its as permanent as our tattoos.

how can you get promise rings with me? meet my family? set a wedding date? all when you never loved me? knowing all along that I was and am hopelessly in love with you.

abs Jun 2016

dark dreams

last night, i dreamed i was running running running
it was odd, so when i awoke i thought i was just traveling
however, as the morning progressed
i could shake the feeling that my dream was dark
after some deep thought i realized why i was running
you had beaten me.
yelled.
threatened.
attacked.
and i was hopelessly running running running

my dreams of him are no longer happy. this wasn't the first occasion i had nightmares at your memory. you drove by again yesterday, but this time i was with another man.. it shouldn't bother me, but im horrified that you're going to show up again, and make these nightmares a reality

abs Jun 2016

pretty

people always tell me
you're pretty, you'll be okay
but its ****.
beneath all the 'pretty'
rugged, rotten, broken
happiness just out of my reach
success also mocking me
im consumed by a darkness
that constantly thrusts me down
further and further
into a world of ugly

so what good is the 'pretty'
when im rotting away inside

i will never understand how so many people can minimize everything. they chose to see the tiny tip of the iceberg, and say its all going to be okay because, look how pretty?

abs Jun 2016

im so scared

im so scared it will happen again
all the love gone to ****
all the time wasted
all the words turning to daggers
all the actions calculated and dangerous

but what if this time its me
all the actions calculated and dangerous
all the words turning to daggers
all the time wasted
all the trust gone to ****

what if im the one using you now

I met someone who treats me better than i deserve. someone who lets me be me. someone who is down for me..but i worry its too soon. I dont want to become the monster thats using someone else. i dont want you to be a rebound. it would probably hurt me more than you anyway...

abs Jun 2016

the end

the rage in your eyes.
the blood on my skin.
the hate in your words.
the strength in your arms.
the weakness of my frame.
the end of our soul

I look back on our relationship and im dumbfounded. how did you break me to the point that i was reliant upon you? how did you manipulate me to believe your lies? how did i not recognize your sheer lust for me and lack of love? i guess none of it matters now.