finally, im myself again.
it seems that only happens
when im alone

im starting to wonder
whether i find ****** people
or im ******* crazy

maybe its a mixture
they dont treat me right
and i dont accept it

or maybe it really is me
im a life ******* monster
and they, my helpless prey

or maybe, its them
too shallow to comprehend
too self-centered to care

yesterday I watched you
as you drove by and
gawked as if I was
some unfamiliar being
as if we weren't once
each other's universe
however, it wasn't sad
I had to stop myself
from laughing out loud

I believe in love as much as I believe in hate.
I belive a person can say "I love you"
And hate you the next day.
I believe in love at first sight,
As much as I believe in the slow progress of a new relationship.
I believe that time means everything and nothing-
It all depends on who you're with.
I believe that smiles can make someone's day,
As well as make you believe they secretly hate you.
I believe that hope is a dangerous thing
But sometimes necessary to hold on to.
I believe in the possibility that I'm insane-
That my lips speak impossibilities and
My mind cradles irrational ideas.
But I believe that in a world filled with hidden meanings,
It's impossible to believe in one side and not the other.

You keep saying love
But your actions
And words speak hate

I am not some fragile being
I'm not waiting for anyone
I'm not some prize or gift
I'm not a blessing
I'm powerful and dreadful.
I want someone who can handle me
I need someone who can calm me
I need an equal, a man
Equally powerful and dreadful

south carolina and ohio and the blurred lines of love and something else. something worse. dangerous. all this talk of coming home. you imagine she means your heart instead of your house. she is held captive by the bounds of her past. all romance and regret. pink wine never tasted good anyway. then again nothing tastes quite like her smile. you could get drunk on her drink of choice every single night and still wake up each morning with a hangover from hell and an empty heart and aching hands. you have got to stop punching those walls. what is it with you. you and hurting things that only exist to protect you. tell us about that night you got so drunk you swore you were speaking to god. tell us how he listened. how you spoke about her candy eyes and her gum drop lips and golden skin. to look at her was to gaze upon the heavens. he understands. you analogize love making to walking into a church and getting to know each and every pew by name. he takes no offense to this. you ask him if south carolina is better for having her in its bounds. you can't quite explain it but ohio feels a lot less like home now that she's gone. you feel like a drifter. she says there are white sand beaches and sunsets you can't even imagine and entire neighborhoods swallowed up by trees. you want to tell her this broken heart of yours is beginning to ache again. as if it ever stopped. you and god share a laugh at this one. you think no one is listening but you are wrong. all this talk of being in love. she says you are in love with the idea of love but she is wrong and she knows it. so what. the million dollar question. what does it all mean and why. god, why. why her, why this, why here, why now, why. but he only shakes his head. in this he says that the answers are nestled in all the moments you mumble his name. when she is moaning yours, when you are scared, when you are happy, when you are relieved. how every moment with her feels like a culmination of each of these. you understand. you do.