I always looked ☝ to you and never said anything to make you feel ☟
I would never intentionally hurt you to make you cry, or make you ☹
It is my job to keep you ☺ always here with me
I will ♥ you for ∞

stop loving me.

i feel like a selfish **** asking you to
but there is no love
in my bones
for you
stop breaking them open
to check

i can't be open with people
they feel sorry for the things that have happened to me
then they love me
more
but i can't do anything back

hatred i can deal with
i've dealt with it my whole life
but i don't know how to be careful with you
how to be something different
to make you not love me
moose, darling
don't love me,
please.

its all my fault
thats all ive ever known.
i did this to myself.
i *deserved what happened.
i did this to myself.
its all my fault
thats all ive ever known.
i deserved what happened.

he deserves to be their favorite.
who cares if i make honor roll or
become president of every club
or becoming every teachers *******
(being a smart student, not the hot kind.)
or being respected or listening to my parents
or smiling even when im dying inside.
none of it matters,
because im the last choice between
you and i.

i always am and always will be.

i look at the burn peeling on my arm and i think about all the **** that got me here
from the red asterisk i drew with a knife three years ago
in the butter yellow room of my older sister's house
when we were homeless
to the childhood summer i spent as a lake baby
in my grandmother's car

i finger the scores of cuts on my arms
my thighs
old, most of them
some too deep to fade
each scar has a face
most of them are
mommy's

i like to remember her from old photographs
sun-bleached hair down to her unblemished thighs
the most inexplicable shine in her face

i think of how different those photographs would be
if she knew then that her daughter hurt her body
every time she thought of her mother

i think the smile would be different

but i look at her now
grayed,
aging...
still smiling.
as if she didn't know
that she made me a tiger
gave me these stripes
as if she didn't know
that it is her fault i am a killer

i look at the burn peeling on my arm
and for once this self harm isn't pretty to me
it is very, very ugly
a big, blistering red mark
marring my freckles
i wonder when it will fade
or if it will at all
i wish i could burn more than
just this arm
of mine.

You weren't ready to love me.
Lord knows I tried.
To make you feel,
To blow your mind,
To show you the moves to make.
You can't teach love with faltering steps,
Your wavering gaze moved me to tears.
You cut out my heart, piece by piece
and fed it to the wolves running wild.
You can't love before you feel,
You were too scared to let me hold you.
You didn't want my kind of love.

Her movement,
The movement of flames flickering in the slow distilled wind,
wind that is now raging in to a storm.
I will help her subside,
subside into me blindly.
Giving into my allurement and gaze,
I will have you soon, the structure of skin I lust after.
I will have you with satisfaction.
My  heart is in my mouth, against my teeth,
Breaking my precious white pearls and making them into disease.
Disease that has grown in me like a fungus.
The disease of lust.
Lusting after her structure.