I felt ugly,
stupid.
I felt useless,
empty.
you said sweet dreams,
goodnight.
you called me an angel,
beautiful.
and you made me feel whole.

Death is a filthy temptress,
but a beautiful one.
Anyone who disagrees
is either dying,
or in denial.

i hate
the gap between my teeth
almost as much
as the one between my legs
and i hate
the words i butcher when im around you
almost as much
as the ones i wish i had the courage to say
and i hate
getting out of your car
almost as much
as i hate spending the night alone

but you call my cynicism
endearing
and my jokes
funny
and my thoughts
beautiful

and that
       is
         enough

I wonder about the eyes and the lips.
If they would have held a reflection of yours.
Maybe the hair was the same texture,
a replica of your youth
which you have lost.
Would you have changed your mind?
If you had seen the fingers and toes,
a perfect count of ten,
and the cream of it's alabaster hands.
Sometimes I wish there were small words
to call my name,
and sometimes I am glad
for your barren womb
for I know of your temptations and weakness
the dust in your bones
as your young body ages beyond
reasonable years.
For the smoke was toxic in your nostrils,
did a bundle of Jefferson's
burn a hole in your pocket?
Only virgins wear white on their wedding day,
was your a dusty beige
clashing with the grey tux
of a criminal?
A man who has a title branded on his
filthy hands, that he touched that girl with,
til death
do you part?
How much justice did you desire for those fingers
after they were clasped around your thick neck?
So I pray your blood keeps pumping and your
brain still buzzes
after every hit,
and I pray the fog clears before your checks don't
and maybe you will extinguish the flames
before your lungs give out
just like your knees did that day.
They ignore your dodgy glances to the side,
your hands, aftershocks of the quaking nerves inside you.
They see past your sudden skeletal visage
and the grey tint in your cheeks
like you have sat on a shelf, sagging and
collecting particles.
But I taste your abuse,
every flavor of it.
As long as you live through your high,
you wont have face your low.
We are thankful everyday
for your blessing
of infertility.

The sadness isnt cruel
to survive, there's certain things to do
If only it would leave me
Because i only have room for you