Nothing is wrong
But everything is wrong
There’s no reason for this sadness,
But it’s inescapable
It’s pulling me down, drowning me
Over and over again
Lost in this sea of thoughts
Unable to find the way home
Tired of being here,
But unable to move
So lonely, but so unable to talk
So exhausted,
But always awake
The waves of guilt and shame never sleep

As I lay in the bedroom,
My own personal confinement'
in which I oh so willingly created for myself,
I feel myself on fire,
My hands shaking out of utter frustration,
fighting every tear welling up in my eyes with all that I have left of my sense of mind,
But for what reason?
to be strong,
to reassure myself,
I ask myself what use is it to be strong if your utterly alone,
With no one to care weather your strong or not,
So I let go,
but just for a moment,
I allow myself to remember the pain,
the memories I locked away,
hoping someday they would cease to exist,
The troubling feelings that twist my heart and bring me to my knee's
letting out slow puffs of breath I calm my emotions,
wipe the water from my eye's ,
clear the tortured expression that once lay on my face,
I leave the moment and enter back into the world I made myself believe in,
I pretend to be strong.

When we were younger
We made our parents
Shut the closet doors
Check under the bed
Tuck us in at night
In an attempt to ward away the monsters
Some of us weren't so lucky
We escaped them in the dark
But they captured us in our dreams

Now that we're older
The monsters are demons
They hide in the dusty corners of our brains
If we're lucky, and they're not bolder than we are, they stay hidden during the day
But at night they roam free
They torture us with
Regrets that we have
Mistakes we have made
And images of those that we miss
Sleep is our only escape
But some of us aren't so lucky
We escaped them in the dark
But they captured us in our dreams

If you had to chose the end of something,
how would you people write it down?
If you had to die,
what would take your life away?
If You had to be forgotten,
how would you like to never be recalled?
If you had to lose someone...
I've never had a properly end written in a last glance of eyes.
I lost her like the eyes lose their shine.
I lost her like I imagine losing the hope. Unpredictable.
Like losing  that match of the matches, two seconds to the end when I was one hundred of points ahead.
She never told me goodbye. She never told me she would never come back.
And I was too lazy to wake up that morning.  
****... I wish I had wake up that morning.

I need a trip to Wonderland
an escape from the pitfalls of life
there is a bottle peeking from the shelves of the fridge
drink me, it says.
So I do.
every last drop...
little cookies in a box whisper "eat me."
so I do.
just one or two.
one more bottle, just a little sip to get me to the right size
to fit in the door...
I crawl up to bed
curl up in a blanket of clouds.
listening to the wind whistle through the trees,
and the rhythmic ticking of the clock
my sweet kitten blinks her big blue eyes at me
asking why I am staring at the flowers painted on the wall
can't she hear them singing?
warm wet tears pool below my lashes
sliding down my cheeks, splashing onto the sheets
drip drip drip
I know what is waiting for me
when I wake up...
but until then,
oh, just for a little bit,
I want to be happy.

Craving interaction
Some sort of relationship
But never finding much
In this caricature of happiness

Lost but still searching
Considering the end
Yet never reaching finality
Without the needed confidence

Ragged cries of 'Help'
So scared, so lonely
Would give anything for a friend
Without the shallow ceremony

Please, help
Loss of common sense
People just aren't worth the effort
The fog of failure is so dense

Realizations in blue ink
Revelations written red
Hopes and dreams in yellow
Lay down and go to bed

Assumptions in bright orange
Bitter feelings written green
Colour scars these pages
Accented in screams

Vibrant hues straight from the vein
And onto the perception of reality
Force the depression down again
Let the façade run free

This isn't life at all
This isn't what should be
Colour scars these pages
The shades of insanity

Reaching out for help
And latching to an apparition
And
              Falling
                                Falling
  ­                                               Falling
                                                         ­          Fading from existence
                                                       ­           
                                                                ­   Hopeless desperation
                                                     ­              Quiet loneliness
                                                      ­             Stark disappointment
                                                  ­                 Life shouldn't be like this
                                                            ­        
                                                        ­           Whispers in the dark
                                                            ­       Of what the end could mean
                                                            ­       Careful consideration
                                                   ­                Let the colour bleed
                                                                ­  
                                                                ­   Hatred marked in violet
                                                          ­         Pain in large steaks of white
                                                           ­        Final blue-inked realizations
                                                    ­               Goodbye and goodnight

X and y together they grow
or one and one together they fall
It doesn't matter the change in Y
Because X follows right behind

One and one they are holding hands
The distance doesn't changes the case
For each X there’s only one Y
But slutty X because more than one Y she needed to have

Only one domain,
for every unique range
That was the only rule
of the function, you fool!

It is a line, of life and death
and when I checked
More than one was in your life
And only one can be in mine.

Y cutting words affected X,
It doesn't work this way
I can’t have you if you’re
just going to graph.

Whatever number comes in play
When you know they can’t succeed
in this always constant motion
it just doesn't function!

All I can feel
Is pain
Is confusion.

All I can feel
Is hurt
Is sorrow.

All I can feel
Is lonely
Is lost.

All I can feel
Is need
Is terror.

All these I feel
And yet-
Nothing.