Finally I'm all caught up.
No more poems left to write.
A chance to fill my coffee cup,
and maybe grab a bite.

Do not be afraid my love
or see the future as uncertain
Step out of the shadows
Turn on the lights, pull back the curtain

And you will see that what we share
is solid, real and strong
There is no need for doubts at all
there is nothing here thats wrong

For you and I were meant to be
of that I have no doubt
reach out your hand and join me
let us no longer be without

To live this life and never know
would be a tragic beyond sad
I beg you not to just become
the greatest love I never had

Do not look at me,
like I have things to say
I’m just hiding from the world
in my self-preserving way

Don’t ask advice,
for I have none to give
and if I did you wouldn’t take it
if you saw the life I live

Don’t pay attention
to the words I say or write
It’s what goes on behind them
that wakes me crying in the night

Don’t believe in me
for your faith will be misplaced
when you realise at last
that I am nothing but a waste

Don’t try and love me
keep your distance stay away
I’m not worthy of attention
any more than what I say

And now its over
nothing left nothing at all
gave it all and came up short
so now I’m back behind the wall

I wouldn't say that I was polished
if anything I'm kind of rough
and I cannot help but sometimes feel
I could never be enough

I know I can be charming
I do generosity not greed
But I have this nagging doubt
That I can't give you what you need

I know that I could love you
as good as any other man
But will love alone be just enough
to keep hold of your hand

I've seen the life you had before
the designer names and tags
and I know compared to you
I run around in rags

So its time for me to ask you,
please speak honest, true and free
can really say you'd give that up
to build a life with me?

It ok if you're uncertain
or if the answers no
it better that we know this now
so our ways we each can go

I wish you luck with everything
I really truly do
I hope that next time on this earth
I have enough for you

The love the lives within my heart
for you is hard to find
and being kept apart from you
causes pain of the worst kind
if we both moved in similar circles
I really wouldn't mind
but is it fair of me to ask
that you leave all that behind

I know that what I'm asking
you to leave behind is tough
and compared to what you had before
this place will seem a little rough
so I ask in ways half heartedly
semi humorous, off the cuff
I would hate to end up losing you
because I alone was not enough

I find myself constantly torn
should I go or should I stay
and leave you amidst a better life
while I turn and walk away
to leave would be the noble thing
least to myself thats what I say
in a bid to regain self control
and keep my tears at bay

There's a grey dampness that surrounds my life,
like a cold and grey fall day.
When in every direction misery lies,
no more than a footstep away.

Like the mist and fog, the clouds of my life,
roll in with the rising tide,
and a wave of despair comes crashing in,
and washes me over the side.

I know that the sun is there somewhere,
though its been a while since I've seen,
its bright golden glow in the morning,
or felt its warmth on my skin.

Im scared that there is a time up ahead,
when I'll swim to the surface for air,
and finally break free of depression,
to find that there's nobody there.

Ease me slow into the day
wake me gently from my sleep
if you must steal me from my dreams
the highlights let me keep

Don't wake with a noisy bell
or unexpected calls
wake me with the sound of rain
as on the metal roof it falls

Rouse me with sounds of nature
rising winds before the storm
give me time to close the shutters
before returning to the warm

If you could do this in the morning
and wake me in a gentle way
For once I'd take the day off
and in my bed I'd stay.

Each night I sit and wait beneath the tree
to see if you have plans that include me
while I wait I sit and write
before I know it, gone's the night
and all I have is poems writ by me

Your words sting like vinegar
when spilled on open wounds
They carve their way into me
like eating ice cream with a spoon

Like lemonade thats sugar free
they have a bitter taste
but unlike health warnings on cigarettes
their message goes not to waste

As with most recipe disasters
like when I cooked Fish Ragu
I'm not sure where I got things wrong
just what exactly did I do?

A naked bulb hangs
No shade hides its modesty
Dimly glowing coil
Is growing ever brighter
Chasing greyness from my room

A lack of motivation
Not knowing where to start
A desire for something different
pulling at my heart

Who knew that dreams could be so tough
that they could cause such pain
that reaching out and grasping nothing
would become my lifes refrain

Is it stubborn-ness that keeps me
banging my head against this wall
or is it knowing that by giving up
I'd not recover from this fall

So for now I'll keep on chasing
tilting at windmills if you will
for no matter how bad failure tastes
quittings a much more bitter pill

Will they come for me again today
for once I hope they do
for this lil kid has had enough
it's time for them to lose

For three long years they made my life
a living misery
I don't even know what I did
to make them pick on me

Every chance they got they picked on me
they beat me, called me names
Made fun of me 'fore everyone
made me feel ashamed.

So I'm not tall, and I aint big
does that give them the right
To lash me with their words of hate
or ****** me in a fight

Well todays the day I've had enough
time to end their fun
Lets see how big and brave they are
when they see my daddy's gun

So when they came for me again
I was gonna scare em good
I just wanted to be left alone
Din't want to spill no blood

But you know what I aint sorry
cos for years my lifes been hell
is it really gonna be much different
living in a cell?

If you look for me 'mongst the headstones
I wont be hard to find
A simple cross will mark my spot
for those I left behind.

The simple cross is carved upon
and ancient piece of Oak
along with a simple message
that contains these words I spoke

"Shed not for me a single tear,
feel no sorrow for me,
for I shared my life with many trials,
now finally I'm free.

and do not mourn my passing,
from this world to beyond,
for as long as you remember me,
I will ne'er be truly gone."

Take the best thing you can think of
times by two, no make that three
and you now have but a fraction
of just what you are to me.

I want to run away with you,
and leave all this behind.
Can you imagine us together,
all the adventures we would find?

We could travel the world over
or find our spot and settle down
Somewhere by a lake
thats not too close to town.

We would live and love together
eat off the land and from the lake
Being careful to be careful
and never too much take

We would sit at night and write
under blankets on the swing
Talk forever to each other
til we knew everything

In the summer we'd go swimming
skinny dipping in the lake
And lie naked on the rocks to dry
the summer sun our bones to bake

In fall we would cut firewood
then split and stack the logs
go for long walks in the forest
you and me and all the dogs

Come winter time we'd hibernate
heating soup over the fire
make love upon the hearth rug
flames and passion rising higher

Then finally in spring time
as the ice begins to thaw
we would celebrate our life
and then do it all once more

And our poetry would tell of this
of our perfect little life
A life outside the rat race
free of pressure and of strife

I want to run away with you,
think of all the things we'll see
Can you imagine us together,
will you run away with me?

As the summer sun above us shines
and warms our very bones
The world around us dissappears
and we are here alone

Two lovers laid upon the sand
of a small secluded beach
surrounded by the sound of surf
but safely out of reach

We come here every weekend
escaping from our lives
to be alone together
on this island paradise

The unanswered phone calls,
the unopened mail,
the half pack of cigarettes,
all witnessed the tale.

The half eaten sandwich,
the fully drunk scotch,
the out of date calendar,
the unticking watch.

The smell of stale sweat,
and the stains on the sheet.
The small empty bottle,
the drug store receipt.

This is the story,
of the unshaven guy,
alone in the bedroom,
escaping the lie.

Today I forgot everything
and it felt great
like an etch-a-sketch falling down the stairs all memories have been erased
all images of you
all those painful memories gone
memories of....
no
nothing
but I remember there is a you

why is that?

is it because even after falling down the stairs an etch-a-sketch still has that little thing that makes the pictures?
are you the thing that still makes all my pictures?

childhood sweet hearts
sharing the same beat hearts
what a love like that must be to find

marrying your first love
your better or for worse love
leaving not a part of you behind

growing old together
while never being old together
holds the key to many of lifes charms

until the day does come
when they leave this world as one
and are laid to rest within each others arms.

I wonder what its like
to be a poet free of strife
could you even be a poet
with nothing gnawing at your life

If life was daffodils and butterflies
and you were happy with no doubts
could you turn that into poetry
would you have stuff to write about

I can see if life turned you around
you could write about your past
but what if life was always perfect
a total and utter blast?

Somehow I think you'd manage it
because no matter how great life looks
its not until you've lived their life
you see into every darkened nook

Because what seems so great to all without
is seldom that great inside
the obits are full of perfect lives
cut short by suicide.

I closed my eyes and took a breath
and waited for a sign
Of which direction I should take
which door my future lay behind

But in the darkness all I saw
was a vision of a tree
And beneath it on a blanket
sat two people, you and me

No words were said, there was no need
as we gazed upon each other
So much was said with eyes alone
such is the way of lovers

And as this vision played along
a fire grew in my heart
A desire to know the truth of you
to no longer be apart

Passing time it changes nothing
only more now do I yearn
And my desire to be with you
more than ever does it burn

From the time he was a little boy
He wanted to be a soldier real bad
To wear big boots and a uniform
to look just like his dad

Although he'd never met the man
Many pictures had he seen
Of daddy as a soldier
being inspected by the queen.

There's a shoebox in the cupboard
With daddys medals and beret
And a letter Johnny never read
about how daddy passed away

The Falklands war was halfway done
but wars are always hell
and The Battle of Goose Green
is where Johnny's hero fell

As soon as he was old enough
despite his mothers pleas
Johnny joined the army
though she begged him from her knees

It seemed he was a natural
a born soldier like his dad
who looking down from up above
would be so proud of his lad

He had an honesty and integrity
that his advancement did effect
A natural heroic *******
you could not help but respect

So when war came around again
this time in old Iraq
Johnny proudly did his duty well
not just the once, for he want back

28 years ago we said goodbye
almost to the day
this time we're here for Johnny
who war also took away

Johnny was my friend
a man I truly loved
No wife or children left behind,
his family's given enough

Summers nearly over now
and Fall will soon be here
the days are getting shorter
the skies are not so clear

But as blues and greens retreat
from the palette of our day
replaced by red's and golden yellows
a most magnificent display

And like so many things in life
Fall too will one day end
and into the frigid winter
our lives will soon descend

But for now we have a little time
before summers truly done
so lets lie beneath the blue skies
and bask in summer sun

Do you believe in serendipity?
That some things are meant to be?
Like the way our paths meandered
before you bumped into me?

Is our path laid out before us,
or is it something that we choose?
Are we guaranteed a victory,
is success just ours to lose?

How much free will do we have,
if any after all,
it seems when things are on the up,
that is when we fall.

Is that the way its meant to be?
A life of ups and downs,
ever shifting waters,
in which we're doomed to drown?

Or do the choices that we make,
determine how life goes?
I'd like to think this is the case,
but who amongst us knows?

Fighting against sleep
Eyelids heavy from fatigue
Closed in submission

This is no Haiku.
It just looks like it might be.
But looks can deceive.

This is no Senryu
because its just one sentence
broken into three

Poems come and steal my soul
and leave me here to bleed
Never wounding fatally
just taking what they need
An ounce or two of passion
a pound or two of pain
leaving me alone to heal
before harvesting again
Sometimes they give more than they take
with rhymes of which I'm proud
Other times my cries are lost
amidst the madding crowd
Yet my tale is not a sad one
for there is pleasure in this pain
why else would I keep writing
inviting them again?

I close my eyes and picture our first kiss.
Passion, love, serenity and bliss
can all be tasted on your lips
felt corsing through your fingertips
as the world around us ceases to exist

Its just a word
Four letters on a page
But it can mean so many things
Passion, despair and rage

We use it when we're happy
we use it when we're sad
but to some its more than letters
to some its really bad

They hold back on their emotions
dispensing letters by the ounce
but what they do not realise is
its the sentiment that counts

So if you choose not to say it
and use words like fudge instead
it really doesnt matter
we all knew what you meant

Natures scented gift
How many of us take time
Shame on you mankind

Just a hint of flame
Hiding amongst the embers
Waiting for rebirth

Is it wrong to say I miss you
Is it wrong to tell you so
To tell you that I think of you
Everywhere I go

To tell you I can see you
every time I close my eyes
Why pretend that things are different
theres no point in telling lies

Sometimes I think I hear your voice
like a whisper on the breeze
and still it sounds like music
and brings me to my knees

And as I kneel beneath the sky
wrapped in silent prayer
I ask that all my lives to come
with you I get to share

Nothing lasts forever or so it seems

In time the sun will burn itself out and cease to bring life as we know it.
Even the very ground upon which we stand is slowly dying.

Why then do we expect so much of the fragile notion that is love?

Why do we hope beyond hope, beyond the wildest possibilities of hope that one day, maybe, just one day, that perfect person will stumble into our lives and want to stay. Forever.

Is it because we refuse to not believe in forever?

Or is it because we are only interested in our own forever? But that makes no sense, why not just say for the rest of our lives?

Because the rest of our lives isn't long enough.

Because the rest of our lives is a mere drop in the ocean of time that we wish to swim in with each other.

But forever is, well, forever.

Forever is beyond death, beyond time, beyond limits of any kind.

Because only in forever can we give enough of ourselves to do justice to what love really should be.

Because love really should last forever, even if nothing else does.

Follow me on Twitter @athomashawkins
http://twitter.com/athomashawkins

Is it ok if I wait?
Because I know you’d never ask.
You don’t feel you have the right
to subject me to that task

But the choices that I face
are to simply give up hope
and forget the love of days gone by
right before you cut the rope

Or life can go on as it is
simply waiting for day
when again we are together
and nothings in the way

I’ve never known serenity
like I did when by your side
The peace and pure tranquility
of a heart that’s open wide

I know you felt the same way too
before life got in the way
That’s why I’ll ask, if I can wait
forever and a day

Do not ask my forgiveness
for who am I to you
does it really mean that much
what I say or do?

I am just a man like you
a man like any other
what kind of man would it make me
to not forgive my brother

Revenge is continuity
of everything thats bad
It does not quell its victims wrath
just drives the whole world mad

It's just a single word
that when fully followed through
can end this tragic cycle
that we might start anew

A simple little concept
alas for some too much
the euphoria of justice
has become society's crutch

Forgiveness starts with you and me
it starts right here and now
lets eradicate the ignorance
and show the whole world how.

What happens when an eye for eye
has left the whole world blind
Will that be the time we see
we should've left the past behind

With each liberty they take
with each human right ignored
they build for us a prison
for the safety it affords

Until we are no longer free
and they've stopped us being brave
by promoting threats and fear
to make sure that we behave

Forgiveness is the only way
to get peace back on the shelves
for until we forgive others
we will never free ourselves.

Please don’t tell me what I’m thinking
because no one ever gets it right
And don’t do what’s “for the best”
because it always feels like *****

Even if it’s in the long run
and even if it turns out true
at least I’d have the memories
of the time I spent with you

You see emotion’s like a scale
and how it balances decides
how you feel from day to day
and how you feel about your life

So when you do what’s “for the best”
you give the bad and skip the good
add a heap of never knowing
and it don’t balance like it should

We all get scared things won’t work out
but by doing what’s “for the best”
you guarantee a failure
avoiding chances of success

So next you get an idea
to do what’s “for the best”
take the time to find out both sides
and we might just pass the test

There is not a day goes by
that you don't cross my mind
A vision from my past
that I cannot leave behind

Every time I close my eyes
its your face I see
Every dream I have
is one of you and me

I long to hear your voice again
to gaze upon your face
To look into your eyes once more
to feel your embrace

There's no such thing as never
no change I wouldn't make
if it would give a life in which
by your side each day I'd wake

I long to write the words
that move people to tears
to create the perfect poem
that survives throughout the years

I long to paint the picture
that all the world can see
that gives true hope to everyone
not just to you and me

I long to make the statement
that makes people stop and think
that gives purpose, cause and clarity
to paper, pen and ink

I long to live the life
both worthwhile and fair
and pass from this world to the next
in peace and not despair

Fragments of you surround me
in everything I do
sometimes its like you never left
despite the pain that I went through

I see you in my coffee cup
sometimes in the way it's sat
whenever you'd bring me a drink
you'd put it down there, just like that

Sometimes I catch a scent
passing on the breeze
and it takes me back to another time
in a forest amongst the trees

I passed down by the river
to that place where we'd sneak a smoke
and it all came flooding back to me
and the dam well **** near broke

It seems all of these fragments
serve to pierce me at will
to make sure I dont forget you
though I doubt I ever will

So why do all these memories
bring me not joy but pain
is their purpose to remind me
to let no one in again?

The uncomfortable smile
that you wear on your face
Your self confessed klutzness
and perceived lack of grace

The things that you say
and the things that you do
are just some of the things
I like about you

Like the stillest of waters
you run so deep
and the words that you share
are the treasures I'll keep

You're honest and modest
and fragile yet strong
and yet so uncertain
of where you belong

Let go of your past
leave your baggage behind
and trust in your heart
and just see what you find

You may be surprised
at how good things can be
If you let yourself go
let yourself become free

I cannot wait for Friday night
when its time to fall asleep
as I lay there naked in my bed
into my dreams you'll creep

This happens to me every night
but Friday nights the best
'cause my dreams of you,
wont get disturbed
by alarms or other pests

I used to be a mother
'til my sons got took away
It is the greatest irony
I found out on this day

You see it was three years ago
I found out they won't be back,
they died together brothers
on the streets of old Iraq

So this day for me is different
and I know I'm not alone
I join a group of shattered moms
Who's children wont be home

But I know my sons they think of me
looking down from up above
and although I'll never get a card
I'll always have their love

So to all the moms out there I say
be your children young or old
Their love will far outlast
any card or gift you hold.

I know I'll see them when I die
then once more they'll take my hand
Until then, mothers old and new
love your children while you can.

Sometimes I get frustrated
by things I cannot change
by things that I cannot control
things I cannot re-arrange

I know these things I cannot change
are things I should ignore
but theres something deep inside me
that wont let me shut that door

And perhaps the thing about this
that frustrates me most of all
is that I cannot change myself
so in this trap I'll always fall