Reginald "combover" Twistleton-Smythe
had hair on his head but just on the side
He wore a big hat when out for a walk
Too scared to shave and have a flat-hawk
One day at his Gran's fell asleep after tea
and woke up to find he was combover free
He saw grandmas scissors behind on the shelf
As she looked in his eyes and said "Be yourself!
With that combover thing Reg, you sure do look silly
Go shave your head, you'll look just like Bruce *****"
"But my heads the wrong shape, it just wont do the trick,
I'll look less like Bruce ***** and more like a ****"
"Listen to your Gran for I always know best,
I'm not saying go out and run round in a vest.
Just cut your hair short and wear it with pride,
it'll be like a mohawk but just on its side"
Reggie "flathawk" I've heard people say
now runs round in vest shouting Yipee Kiyay

She buys herself so many pretty things
like shoes and purses, underwear and rings
A pride in her appearance she does take
but cries when once again alone she wakes

Perhaps is not the way she looks that counts
the frustration of her loneliness starts to mount
In time she'll see her attitudes the key
and a nicer person she will start to be

Cos it don't matter if your pretty,
well dressed or even rich.
When push comes to shove
a ***** is still a *****.

I hear Troubles gonna call
gonna knock upon my door
so what am I to do
if she should push me to the floor

Or if she takes me by the hand
leads me to another room
and smothers me in ecstasy
what a way to meet my doom

But perhaps all that is rumors
and she's not like that at all
just a victim of the lies from those
on whom she doesn't call

Thats why I don't make judgments
on tales others tell
I'd rather find out for myself
cos then I'd know ****** well

If the rumors they are true
then I'll know just what to do
but if the rumors are just rumors
then I'm ready for that too

You see Troubles gonna call
and she's gonna call on me
and as for whats gonna happen next
we'll just have to wait and see.

Blue skies, dark clouds
rain is on the way

Warm rain, warm breeze
lets hope it doesn't stay

Big clouds, black clouds
thunders gonna crash

Bright light, pure white
Lightning starts to flash

Storm breaks, water snakes
in rivers down the lane

Clouds break, breath take
blue skies back again

Waiting always waiting
for something to arrive
or someone to turn up
and prove that I'm alive

Suspended animation
neither here and neither there
a spectator on display
watching people stare

I take the form of who looks in
no matter age or *** or class
You think that its yourself you see
and not the spirit of the glass

I wake up late
pull on my pants
no focus to my thoughts
pull up my fly
and start to cry
if only I'd put on shorts!

I shave my legs and pits and bits
in an effort to fit right in
But I'm always late
I'm "the chubby mate"
who would give anything just to be thin

My friends are pretty where I am plain
although none of them would ever say
So I'm left with no choice,
to get close to the boys
I have to give it away

Don't me wrong I like it
For those few minutes I feel real pretty
But ten minutes on
when he's already gone
Thats when I start to feel ******

I know I'm not the prettiest girl
but I'm honest, loyal and true.
If a boy could see past
the size of my ***
Well there ain't much that we couldn't do