there are nights when your brain is static
And the only words you can mutter are self pitying
And human connection feels lost
The station of your words is weak
And you want to curl up and become antic like the records you love so much
Like the typewriter you value for print
But can no longer use
Until you collect dust in your lungs
Until your ribs are rusted
Until you are fossil fuel
Until you become recycled paper
In someone's printer

You get nauseous
She asks if you're okay?
And you say it's just the foot
And when she tries to make sure
That you're okay you smile and hug her
This is the most you've been touched in
Forever and you miss the warmth that
You get from him and you love him
And she can't know because he's
Technically not yours? But he
Loves you and he loves you
And he loves and loves
And you

It's not our love anymore
It is my love

Hearts are breaking
And we've run out of tape and glue

Careless people with careful hands
Breaking the right hearts and scattering minds
Leaving a soul empty and raw
And the seeping leaves a stain that pockets won't contain
You left a little to early to see the tattoo you left on his heart
His scars weren't there for the right reasons but even so he didn't see them
He was so effortlessly happy and his cracked skin was beautiful and his tears were so clear it makes me cry
He is the purest body I have ever met and the reason sleeping is hard
My thoughts are awake and buzzing as he opens his eyes and sees more then is mentioned
His friendship is a swelling thing, and my heart grows and skips as his breaks and heals

I let myself
Slip away
Softly
Gracefully
Eternally

What if I was the tree
And my arms were the
Branches
And you climbed me
Like a clumsy child
And held on to my leaves
Though they fell like rain?

I can't
My hands shake and I hear the words
No no no no ****
Come from somewhere
Maybe from me?..and my back
Is against the bathroom wall
And if there is a God,
I pray to him that
You stay breathing

Force yourself
Into my
Life
But never
My heart

I’m in love
With being good
For myself
And mine

It feels so complete
To be holding my own
Hands
To be the warmth
My soul craves

W a nn a  
g o
w a nn a taste the open   r o a d

l e t  strangers look at me f u nn y
want to catch this t r i p

wi t h you

wanna be a mess
           have my feet on the dash
b e  s o me  w h e r e  o p e n

You choose to love me,
When he chose to leave.

I hope you can forgive me,
When I get mad at a Father who

Created me and left,
And sometimes at my mother,

Who had to be a Father too,
And raise me for the both of you.

You kissed me on the forehead
And told me you'd be home soon.

You came back to me once again,
And all he did was leave

She must be mad
     The girl draws bees-
         The hive for days
              And traded her heart for
                        wings

Honeycomb sweet
   Poor girl too light on her feet
     Crazy sad girl
         She's following the bees

I have lived
In such a way
The trees tremble
When I water
Them with grace.

I have loved
with such passion
That those who
Have not shudder
When met with my gaze.

Being alone again
isn't so lonely after all.

She
dresses like heartbreak
And sips
cough syrup

I stare at the stars on my ceiling
   and still, look at you
Like you put the moon
   in the sky

My laughter travels from my lips
to his cheeks
The result in his smile was beautiful

Mein Lachen reist aus meinen Lippen
Zu seinen Wangen
Das Ergebnis in seinem Lächeln war schön

To name
                                                                    
                                                                               something, takes away
                                                          

its power or makes it
                                                                                              
  


    more
                                                                                                    

                                              



                                            pronounced.

How dare
You lay there and be
So peaceful

Tonight,
The vines that always grow
Are cut.
They seep water
Like my mouth does words.
They stem from impossible
Things.
The vines are cut,
And she noticed
My scars
But did not ask.
The vines
Will never tell.

I don't remember who you are
You've knocked three times
Instead of coming strait in
****..I thought we were closer than that.

I don't recognize the mask you wear
That shields your eyes from mine.
I can see your darting eyes
Taking in the new person I am.
You don't seem surprised...

But I am...who are you?..
I don't see the honest person
When you're feeding me with lies
I can't read the words you say
When your lip gloss kisses them out

Your dangling ear rings must have caught
The secrets I tried to tell you
Because so far you haven't heard a thing
I whispered in faith..

Can I trust you anymore...
**** where'd you go?
Yeah you're still silly!
But you act like I'm a joke

You've never laughed so hard at me before
The worst part is...
I wasn't making any jokes...

The character of beginnings,
Where a name ends
And an old story is rewritten.
Say goodbye to friends,
And call you by a new name.

Where the smile is brighter
On the side of this freshly painted fence.
You open new doors,
And take skeletons out of your closets and leave them in the sun.

Prince to millions of second chances
And kissing demons on the lips.
Asking your  mistakes to marry you,
And accepting them for what you are.

You'll be okay, tomorrow
And you're alright, today.
But you already knew that,
Didn't you?

I can
  Still hear
                Four a.m
                                Calling my name

I worry about you
When I can't hear your voice
And even more when I do hear it.

I worry about you
When the silence stares me in the face,
And especially when you fall apart.

I worry about you love,
When we don't sleep together
And you haven't checked my messages

My god I worry about you so much
That if I didn't I might as well
Do what I promised you I never would

I would let myself fall apart
And let myself be sad
I would let myself be unhappy-

Over someone I love so much
That when we don't talk I feel less full.
Somehow I feel less myself

Sometimes I worry about how it would feel if you ever left...
But mostly I worry that you worry about me the same

You and I talk about beauty like we see and know what it looks like.
Though we never say why or how we think it’s beautiful.
Tell me. Scream it.
Use the air from your lungs and tell me how ugly you are.
Use that air and taint it with everything beautiful about hurting someone.
About executing the pride that comes in their own humanity?
Tell me is it fun?-
destroying their belief that the world is lovely and showing them how hateful it really can be.
It’s so rare to find someone who finds beauty in the downfall of someone else’s understandings.
  
  You see..we’re part of this tight clique and whenever she feels the need to be unshakable
I build walls up around her because she may be hard-headed but I am hard-hearted.
She’d pull me on a string but I’d always be on her side-or standing behind her-
ready to take on however many knives are thrown at her back.
  You didn’t ever think you weren’t beautiful and why should you start now?
You never second guessed your weight-
until suddenly their words are so heavy you can’t hold yourself up on your own anymore.
  I’m so proud of how huge you keep your values even as they keep being belittled, how they never shrink your bravery or your courage.
I loved how you refused to see it until they saw through your shield, right at whatever you saw was in your heart and worthy at protecting.
Please just tell me what it is that cuts you up so deep you’re left with so many scars that I can never see...
You have to know that not knowing how to heal them is killing me!
  You hide your pain away and distract me from the sadness in your eyes; you know you can’t hide that from me,not ever and definitely not forever.
I saw how they took the smiles from your days, like the sun from the blue skies
and rain can’t go unnoticed!
  The scary thing about having glasses now is that there is no more hesitation in what I see when I doubt it that you’re sad, there’s a certain sharpness in your tears that weren’t there before.
They contradict the fairness of how great the world was-
ah it was so pretty until you see that time doesn’t always heal.
It is less than amnesia that only makes you forget...but you can’t forget the marks on your skin as you can see them daily.
  Time wears thin and stretches ‘till one day you hear something snap inside of you.
Where does it end? When you can’t take it anymore and you long to not feel their words bounce off of you anymore-
for their shots to sink in and you think you deserve it..
You’d willingly take their blows...
But I’d willingly take all of yours for you.
  I heard you whisper once that I was a bully.  
I heard your plea..I know you were really yelling for me to rescue you and my mission was to get you out alive.
I’m not perfect. But I’d sure try my best to forgive my flaws for you to look at all of yours
I’m not a teeny little thing like you..I have curves that wind and sometimes I get lost in them trying to find myself.
But I know better..I cannot be lost because I know where you are..on my compass helping me to when I come to remain at your side.
My thoughts used to vary from, ”If I spilled my secrets with my lunch then maybe my heart will be lighter..”
to
“If I painted my face with shades as pink and vulnerable as yours then maybe I’d be as porcelain and fragile as a doll.”
  No. No more. I can’t sit back anymore and watch you break into pieces like fine china when I’m still putting myself back together from the last time I fell.
Life is a puzzle-it is in pieces-we are made to find the pieces that fit into our souls-
You are a piece of my soul,you are part of my puzzle!
You are my missing piece and without you I wouldn’t be whole.
  I only know what feeling whole is like because you have showed me and I will never let you
go even a day without feeling my love-all the lengths of it.
I can only hope I can make you see that you no longer have to question the heights of your limits and the widths of your personality-because they can go no further than where you let them.
These are the only things you should want to measure-
but toss away your rulers and tape measures because I will never give you a capacity.
  You are not a shape like a square where nothing is outside the box or
a circle when everyone outside is an outsider and you worry about making the cut just to fit in.
You fit in anywhere you are-so never worry about where you think you belong,you
belong wherever you think you do,and I will make sure that is where you are.
  You are a shape that defines where your edges meet and how deep anyone has to go to see you-
not the painted figure with eyelashes too dark and lips too red-
but you.
The silly girl with sideways smiles and bright eyes.  
  If you are a sea of jokes then I’d drown in any “Knock-knock” until I come to rest at your door.
Don’t give me that whole, “I don’t deserve it.”
I don’t care if you think you do or not
But you, are worth it.
  Worth all the nervous  “How do I look?” ‘s you give me
Worth the play fights and being thrown off the bed at 1:00 A.M.’s
Worth all the “I’m ugly” ‘s you throw my way.
I’ve never seen anyone any more beautifully broken.
If I have to stay awake forever putting you back together,
then there’s never been anyone more worth it than you.

The walls are spinning
Or
You
Are spinning
The bed is moving
Your head is moving
Your feet are dancing
Your mind is open to
All possibilities
There are no impossible things
In the realm
Of make believe
When you are a fact
And I
Am a point in history
I will look for you
Where the world never stops
Spinning
And colors
Taste like your name
This place
Where happiness sounds
Like music
Surround sound
In your head
The impossible is possible here
Where you never stop moving

And my God have I accepted that there is a truth and I do not have it.

Is it possible
To miss someone
You've never met?