One day I will


Have his grey hair



And his habit of leaving



But never will I pick his habit




Of leaving those who love me

Better get
The duct tape
Before my heart
Leaps out
Of my chest

How
Do
you
Carry
So
much
Weight.
How
do
I
Take
Away
Some
Of
The
Guilt?
Where
Do
You
Store
It?
How
Can
I
Help.

I look in the mirror,
And I find God.
Looking in the eyes
Of someone who doesn't believe
In such a thing.
I guess we question
What we don't know.
I guess that's why I'm so
Good at never saying hello.
Because once they know
You're willing to put in the effort,
You become the only one
Trying to make it work.
So I don't work.
I kiss with the option to run,
To turn left and look back
But not come back.
So I guess I gotta start somewhere.
Same rings as he had,
But slightly luckier to have someone
To call and check on me.

There was no fear
of death in life,

but the subconscious
understands fear,

and I was afraid
to slip away in  my sleep.

I think
About dying
a lot

I feel so empty

Faithful and free in nature
With words as clean and soft as holy scripture
Lord has had his way with you
Fine dime of new dimensions

You're perfectly unbalanced
With the wrong scars in the right places
A smile that leans too swiftly
Almost filling the role of Pisa

Pleasing peripatetic you find
Your grace in the movement of falling things
Gently playing pizzacato
On my heart strings

I don't finish
Drawings
I'm too afraid
To mess up
The things I love

I told myself to fall out of love
I needed to know why I fell into it at all
Like late nights talks I missed
Like take care of yourself please
Like fall asleep to me every night
Like please don't let me down again
I let myself down again..

To get myself out of those pools of green and blue of yours
That aren't really either of those colors
But I saw them as those
And now I saw your true colors..
Like you looked better in greys
Like I never really liked girls
Like they all called it a phase
Like I needed to stop feeling trapped
Like love is freeing
And why do I feel trapped?..

So when you didn't need me anymore
And didn't call much anymore
Like not knowing what to say
Like no this doesn't feel right
Like I know I deserve better
Like why did I do this is the first place
Like God look at me now I'm perfect
Like you're a metaphor and I'm in love with similes
Like I'm sorry you will never see it.
Like I see now...your true colors. And how ******* great I am
And how I deserve better

I figured it out
You love yourself
And you give into who you are
Like he's attracted to me?
Cool me too!
So let's talk about me
And him not having a problem with it
Like I'm over you
And you better deal with it.
Because he and I
We're dealing with something new
Like me and you?
That wasn't true
Like me?
I've fallen out of love
*Just like you

There are leaves on my skin
Glass tongue kissing my legs
Yes they are shadow,
But my legs are covered in vine

And as the moon cast the window pain
Into my eyes I see it
I see it between the vines
Snaking their way through my sheets

Ripping through the cast of my house
Reaching for me in my sleep
Begging to ******* walls
Pleading to tear the carpet into shreds

Leaves on my skin
Though only the light is filtering in
Glass against my hands
The only thing between me and the Jasmine vines

I couldn't tell you why I'm
holding the globe like
a crystal ball, it
could never tell me where you are,
and I'm not that type of gypsy.

I forgot how wonderful it feels to cry
To for once
Let these creeks flow freely from my eyes
To not hold back this bursting dam
To let go of this anger that builds
In the shape of shame
I will not be held back..at any moment
I will gladly open the packaging I was told
To never even touch
Starting with binding tape
Ripping apart the flesh of the box
God that ever confining box
And tear the corners that held it's shape
Until all that's left is a mess
A beautiful
Broken mess

When I cry
I tell you
I love you
Because it's something so
Honest I can't mess it up
I can't hurt you by
Showing you my affection
Or make you think I'm the others
By giving you what they didnt
When you hurt me
I don't tell you
But I tell you I love you

You tell me
You love me in
Private
But
Your friends
Don't know my name

The most intimate
Thing I have ever felt was
The sharing of prayers.

The happiness and well being
Of each other  a common
Wish between us.

I've never felt
So close to you my
Dear one.

Do not tell them
You love them
Even if you do
They do care,
But not about you.

I am taught to
Aim high
But I believe in the dirt
Under my nails
Telling me to stay grounded

I whisper my prayers
To the Sun's children
Of love and kindness
And tell them about the strength
That he gives to me.

They have all grown
In peace and every day
They blossom towards
The warmth of my words to
Him.

If you wouldn't
Take the Sun for granted
Do not take Me for
Granted


But you forget
Who brings you Warmth
Don't you?..

It seems to run it's softness through your hair
Like I want to do
The closeness to how it dribbles onto your face
And the smooth as it looks like tears
The rivers of it down your shoulders and catches the slopes of your neck
How I love how it pools on your chest
And it the water loves to kiss you how I want to
In showers of rain

He
Is so
*******
Full
Of life

I repeat
Words peacefully
As my mind becomes
The flickering candle
As flame grows,
my shadow dances with me.
My body reshapes-
I burn once again
As my wick
Forms the words repeatedly
"Enlighten".

But I still love the way
her freckles are only on her nose
How she can't dance but she
tiptoes across her kitchen
in her socks
There is beauty in the
dirt under her nails
As she grows her mind
This is not an ode
to how she drools in her sleep
Dreaming in puddles
then jumping in them afterwards
She's always liked the rain
She won't beg you to love her
She won't command your trust
She doesn't believe in warfare
But she doesn't mind a fight
She's been fighting herself, leaving her covered in scars
She sleeps alone in the comfort of her own skin
Always alone..but she doesn't mind
This is a poem dedicated to the love she gives to herself
The love that he couldn't give her
The love she can only give to herself

Please                                  Do not stare
              Don't look at me
Please                       Do not reach for me
           Leave my hand be
Please                     Not this kind of love
          I don't want this
Please                    Just leave me
                  Please

How was I supposed to know?
That in the cracks of time,
Are places that you've dropped hints
Of endless happiness.

Where pillows hold your voice for me,
And bed sheets are made of sleep.
Each time I hit them,
I'm thrown back to you.

Walking is easy here,
You need not hang on to your trouble-
For they don't matter in the morning
And nothing will weigh you down.

He will still protect you
Though, if you're scared.  
But there is no reason to be,
This is where dreams come to visit you.

Works like a cliff hanger
Dropping off her lips
Don't ask her where she's been
She's had a lot to miss
                                        She wanted to feel free.                       So she broke apart her wings
    She tore away the things that made her heavy
The ability to fly was a burden on her shoulders
Knowing that she could not get away

He held her back by pinching her wings
Holding her in every way but gently
She would shatter if he'd stop holding her

For once she was ready to let go
To render her pieces to fly

She left her heart behind
She said "I" more often
She became icy hot
She was slick as rain

She was
She became
*She is free

If I was a bird  or at least something with wings..
Perhaps I could fly...and fly..

Over and over
My feet hit the ground
Spinning in circles
The earth is what I've found
Vibrations match my heart
I must be in love with myself
For the way I see blur
It makes my soul completely melt

How nice to feel dizzy
And not worry about the weight

Dark rings around her eyes
Are at all unlike a tree
They do not define what age you are
But instead shows them how she does not sleep

Heavy feet rooted deep into the ground
Unmoving but with shaking limbs
That often try hard to not
Be blown over by light touching wind

She leaves me so bewildered
How she stands so tall
While they use her like firewood
Taking all they can from her

And burning her dreams for warmth
Smoke signals ripple in the sky
She should ask for help she knows it
But not understanding why

Why must she give off her light after giving
Her last breaths away.

I don't really want to fall
In love
I just want to feel like dancing
And smile for no reason

I don't really want to fall
In love
I just a daily hug
And to feel loved

he says
how dare you doubt me
I reply
*how dare you give me no reason to trust you

His grandfather says
His Daddy says
His Nanny says
Baby's Joey says
Brother says
His cousins say
The geese say
The stars say
The grass says
The sky says
And my little boy would say
Goodnight

Unknown error*  
whispers the phone screen
as I blindly dial a number that can't be called

Blocked number calling from some other house-
one he isn't in

Windows that can't be opened and a door
always kept locked

Prisoner to some future I'm
too scared to see

You get nauseous
She asks if you're okay?
And you say it's just the foot
And when she tries to make sure
That you're okay you smile and hug her
This is the most you've been touched in
Forever and you miss the warmth that
You get from him and you love him
And she can't know because he's
Technically not yours? But he
Loves you and he loves you
And he loves and loves
And you

Feels like

Looks like
Is

Different

I let myself
Slip away
Softly
Gracefully
Eternally

It's not our love anymore
It is my love