The girl’s corneas expand over the small black abyss of pupil
Tides of blue and hazel rising over onyx isles
An unhinged eyelash balances precariously on its neighbor
It evaporates with her quick blink

Directly beneath her right eye
Below the mottled eggplant shadows
The corpse of a capillary drains among the freckles
Subterranean rivers of vein
Pulse under thin skin

Her nose is spherical
Etched by soft papery scars
Pores round and gazing
Culminating in a uniform valley

Lips are soft and pink and unkissed
A source for a  small steady trickle of pride
Her mother’s lips
But behind the outer façade
The seamed surface is rough with nervous nibbles
Ribboned with scars of worries and troubles

She lacks fourteen teeth
Absent since the womb
Those she has are either sickly infants or filled with grainy mystery metallics
Some entirely fabricated with spatulas of amalgam
Yellowed and cracking
Rough and worn
Spongy inner marrow screaming with pain
She hides the stony incisors from view

The hair
Curling and waving
Kissing with reptilian tongues at her cheeks
Neck
Forehead
Framing her face in brambles and cowlicks
Indecisive of its true form
Fuzzy with moisture
Unwilling to obey
The strands of a gorgon
A monstrous tangle of personality
Instantly recognizable
Her hands attempt to soothe the undulating tendrils
But they anger
As stubborn as her
Refuse treatment
She gives up
Rinses her hands
And turns away from the mirror
Sighing

To you, it is a spectacle
You watch with congealed disgust and cloying pity
Perverse satisfaction oozes from your pores
But you dare not to push back the velvet curtain
And glance behind its inky whisper
For you know deep in the soft malleable crevasses of your mind
That the walls will stand firm with time,
That the flowers breathe,
That the lamps light.

You compare each life like photographic negatives
Whispering affirmations
My dishes are whole
My walls are smooth
My curtains match
Standing ***** on a pedestal of entitlement
A halo of ivy above your eyes
Gleaming incisors bared.

You meditate only on the dysfunction
You hear only raised voices
You see only the shards, never the whole
But behind that silky curtain are eddying currents of actuality
Fluidly changing
Even as you enjoy the show.

Give me one truth to hold onto

cause I’ve been wishing on stars

higher than my expectations

My maybe stars and mostly flames

but they always fall down like hail

and leave bruises on my shoulders

already riddled with red spots

left by my bad habits and self hate

And bruises mostly stay longer than you want them to

talking about your weakness to strangers you’ve never met

It’s the same with hickeys and sunburns, but aren’t they all reminders

that yesterday your heart sang into another being

or ocean waves crashed into your ankles

and I know your eyes light up when that music starts

so don’t try to deny your vulnerability

You know, most of us been waiting for our lives to begin

for as long as we can remember

hoping and hanging onto daydreams

of inner peace and finally having love

but the smallest nighttime erases them

and our whispers are lost in the cracks of thunder

just like

every other wonder of every other lover I have

and all those lovers are stifled by each other’s unspoken phrases

and the rumble in the back of your head that chokes out

“don’t make a fool of yourself” “your words can’t carry your heart” “you will only end up embarrassed”

Why are we all so embarrassed?

When our beautiful friends stand in front of us blossoming as wide as a montana sky

and you stand there with a gate constraining your compassion like you’ve never cried yourself to sleep

But I have been both the guilty and the ashamed

and the only certainty I can give

is to speak your truth

or else wonder if you’re wishing on satellites

I long to lay in that garden once more
let the veins in my chest grow in the patterns of grass roots
I ache to flow my love for the farm from every part of my being
those are the lives that fostered my passion

In the Summer I came back to enjoy the fruits of my labor
of countless tomatoes I seeded in tiny trays in early spring

I need that place to nurture my growth as I discover more land
I am reaching for the sun and stars,
but I need water from that acre
the love of all the farmers
and the magic of mycelium

I was planted on the edge of the path
I have been run over by wheel barrows
and trampled on by tiny feet
Had snow and mud piled on me,
but I feel myself coming back this spring

I am stronger than any year before
and I have come to tell stories of resilience and hope,
through miraculous green leaves
and flowers of breathtaking color
like the roses in my cheeks from long days
ankle deep in compost,
but not a rose bush
not pointing hands of thorns
keeping away my gardeners
lovers
I left my heart in the lupines I planted last year

I'm here for you
Whenever you need me
I do everything I can
To make sure you're alright
but I need you.
There's a battle in my heart
And in my head
It's tearing me apart
and I need you
You said you're here for me
But you rarely are when I need it most
And it kills me
I need you.
But it's the same with everyone
I'm the friend who helps them up when they fall
But as I'm slowly slipping
There's no one there to catch me
Please prove you're different
I need you
I'd never admit it to anyone else
For I hate feeling vulnerable
I hide behind a mask of strength
But solitude kills me
I need you
I'm willing to let you in
Let my guard down and open up
Just don't let my image fool you
Don't leave me
*because I need you

“Echo”

Through the tip toe dance of leaves,
their blatant yells and screams,
come back to me,
come back in three.

When you spoke of me last night,
nerves trembling,
puttering,
your might - crumbles - when it touches my door.

Where I feel your heat - every - where.

The bruises down your backside,
the bullet pinned pain down your spine,
I knew you in three.
Come back to me.

Where the doomsday strain,
of constant treacherous game,
I knew it wasn't meant to be.

Please don't come back to me.

'Cause where my flesh tears here,
I linger inside the embers of fear,
and I come - I come to loathe alone.

And, He's really saying,
"I'm sorry, I guess, I'm so **** sorry,
cause your worth,
to me,
isn't set in stone."

Where the inconvenience grates the abysmal rampage,
For I cannot be caged,
as I enjoy your fits of rage.

You ignored me and misunderstood my voice,
now with my might,
you have no choice.

Do you hear me? In three?

Echo, do you hear me?

Faintly, in three,
Karma, don’t come for me.

Echo,
No choice… no choice… no choice.

What happened to your voice?