The sun and other stars shine dimly
Compared to the laser of your curiosity.

And I’ve felt that burning point on my skin,
That warmth building to unbearable heat.

Ultimately leaving my charred remains
In the smoldering pile of my failure.

And I would gladly burn alive for you
If it meant you were happy with me.

I don’t think psychopaths
Can appreciate riding a motorcycle.
Not really, anyway.
There’s too much emotion
In the grinding of metal
On the pavement.
Too much disappointment
In the missed apex
Too much joy
In the pull from a stop.

Love your two wheeled brethren
And rest assured in the knowledge
That they can and do, love you.

You think I want just
Another piece of ***
As if the beast inside has
Taken my mind.

I want the certainty
Of that Phoenix rise
That peace of mind
That knowing “she is mine” provides.
Not a possession, but just that
You're satisfied with my presence

I still think of you when I wake up every morning
It’s been over a year and the ripples of pond stones
Tossed into my serene still bounce my boat thoughts
And it’s ******* pathetic to admit but I’m just so sad
That you’re not with me but I still see you all the time
You look happy, happier than me at the very least.

I got promoted, I’ll be traveling more now
I bought a motorcycle to go fast and have fun
I got into more rap and edm, horizons expanding
Life is do good right now, really good
But I feel exactly the same as I did the day I said
“I can’t do this”

I got promoted so you would see me
I bought a motorcycle to look cool to you
I got more into the music you like
I day dream about you saying “let’s try again”

And how ******* pathetic is that?
You never loved me
I was a place you’d go to When the man you loved
Was ******* his other girlfriends in your bed.
And you pretended you didn’t care
As if I could fill that painful hole for you.

Mine is a head of many hats
Some flattering
And some not
.
Pacifist and fighter
Specialist and generalist
.
But none has brought more pride
And more pain
Than wearing the hat of the lover.

Mind your tongue in the presence of
Blind fools in the throws of love

Fit your feet in shoes to walk through
**** that's deep in wake of the blue

Leave behind the woes and failures
Greave the loss of partner sailors

Bend the stem to feel the sun
Rend the fat from vic'tries won

Fear the broken, maniac, and numb
Clear detritus from teeth and gum

Dream of times when truth trumps lies
Scream your pain till the world abides

Never forget that you are real
Clever men don’t break love’s seal.

We change and grow.
Strange is the flow
And range of our glow

Dim to bright to dim
Grin to fright to grin

And why must fear be so powerful
In my life
I’m afraid of the strife
Brought by progress in time
Brought by foot steps through grime.

So I search for that other
Looking for what will smother
That deepest darkness

As if that would work.

The throat choked by quotes from old poets
Grows dry and hoarse
Old words do that
Dusty and crusty
Musty and rusty

Soothe your throat with that
New style rap
And let your mind
Flap free from the
Constraints of tradition.

Blood
******* blood staining my…
…shirt of ideals.
Falling from lips swollen with
…Excitement…
Masticating the fleshy arguments of
**** poetry elites
Is as messy as defecating on
The memory of the fake God.

Knives and nukes dropped on
Wrists and books of your weak holy.
And the flavor….
Oh the flavor…..
Seasoned so liberally with those
Deliciously salty tears….

I’ve always found it easier
To define myself by what I’m not
Because I don't want to be cheesy or
Whatever, so I started smoking ***
And doing things that made my parents queasier
Than if they’d just eaten a bunch of my socks.

But now I don't know who I am
Like, I don't have a defining feature
And it feels like my future is just a sham
Because I’m just an ideology preacher
So pick something and be it, don't be just a **** creature.

To exist with such truth
Of heart's chipped tooth
Broken on the stone
Thrown from lunar throne
The ache does not abate
Though forward time’s gait.

It’s been years, but your face
Still haunts.

Flat
Lacking.
The ache inside is
Breaking along the lines where
My hope was shattered by fear of fruits gathered in
Defiance of my downward guidance or
Search for a chance at
Vibrance
Love.

The fickle nature of reality
Surprises me
The moon sliding past the horizon
Shattered my world

Memory of a hard soul
Frozen by such a long winter
Brittle as thin ice
Gravity of her near approach…

Higher dimensional inertia
Pulls
Until the universe shatters.
Spitting our matter as so much
Dust
In the beams of light
Shining through windows of
Consciousness.

Shards pass through other spaces
Surprising apes with strange
Lights
And images of little green men
With big heads and no
*****.

I spend a lot of time alone
Lonely
Stoney
Home
Drone
Tangents and vowels
Bowels
Scowls
How's
Thou
Crown
**** I’m losing it
****
Gnaw my self off to escape this trap

I want to consume
Food, flesh
The toxic fumes of burnt plants
I’m like a vortex
Swirling and roiling with such fury
The only path
Is inward

Fall ******* life from the world
Entropy become personified
Gaping maw of
Desire

How many times have I drowned?
My nature is to be empty
Forming the gradient of emotion flow
That frog is my will to resist
Endlessly stung by the scorpion
My weakness.

I’ve cursed my father
May he rot in his oversized grave.
For what else can a son do
When dignity requires enmity.

I’ve cursed God
May it rot in its ****** tomb.
For what else can a man do
When suffering becomes ingrained.

I’ve cursed myself
May I rot in my muddy hole.
For else can I do
When cowardice causes such shame.

Loneliness.

Perhaps
Nothing lasts forever

This time of year always hits me
Like a stone in the gut
All the smiling happy faces and stories
Of romantic fluff

And in those lowest moments
I swear I can see
The bottom of that hole, rising
Rising up to swallow

I’ve given my all to this
Ridiculous life
This constant battle against strife
And my bones will fall

Fret not for the coming of day
I pretend to say
As if the night had a loose grip
The darkness would let slip…

Like the snow in winter
My fall for you was inevitable.
But now I’m lost
With nowhere to go
And no one to know
So shine your light on my crippled form
Maybe even show me how to live again
Let me free from these bonds of tragedy
Show me how to climb up depression's scree.

“You can’t have your spirit broken
If you have no spirit”
Wisdom
Because what am I fighting for?
Or better, what is there to fight for?

Legacy is just vanity
Success is just greed
Making the world better…. For who?
Truth, justice, and freedom are social constructs

Purpose, spirit, resolve
Just hollow comfort in a world
Full of apathy
Or empty of everything…

There is no strength greater
Than the legs of a man fallen
From love's heights to crater
The mud who then crawls in
The filth of false creators
To rise and stand tall in
The face of fate's masticator.