Eighteen Years To Life


It looks as if a storm had just passed through here. I can't find anything; not even my mental state. I'm starting to think this entire thing over. If only I had kept to my negative state of thinking I wouldn't be in this mess. I'm starting to realize that emotions can get the best of you. Your feelings are very dangerous toys to play with, hurt is an emotion that we often come in tack with, and happiness is more spiritual than it is of physical. Im learning that you have to stick to who you are or whoever you plan on becoming. My mental aspect is blinded by my emotions. I feel as if I'm going get hurt by this man. I feel as if i will go through something I could have prevented. I always say hurt is an emotion that most times we are forced to activate; but what happens when you know something wouldn't work ? Do you still try it anyway? Try it just to say you did ? Or is it the feel? Is it the high ? What is it ? Well for me it was a good looking 41 year old man with a young soul, great sense of humor, and practically a bad temper. A temper that can be controlled so is it so bad after all ? It's bad because it doesn't work out in my favor. It's bad because his silence is ridiculously loud. He's very hard to read and as I try to maneuver  my way around his emotions he begin to tell me things that I choose not to believe; so is he really hard to read or am I just making it hard for me to read ? Not because someone say they love you means they do. Let their actions speak to you verbally. And with no hesitation you start to feed your heart this deadly poison called love. But wait come back....what if they said "I love you" and their actions do tell hopes of a happily ever after ? Then your force to become blinded by something that you don't believe in. If you know the ending why not adjust the beginning ? His words and actions have a strong alibi. Let him go I could miss out on a lot love has to offer. Keep him; chances are I prove myself right of my instinct from the beginning but do keep in mind that hurting is okay. I said I would never date someone with children; I looked past four. I said I would never date a man too older than I am and I swept eighteen years under the rug. I said I would never have *** with someone I met for a week. He made love to me so good; I begged for more. I say and have said a lot and have yet to say more but when your emotions get the best of you and your judgement is clouded by your curiosity, vulnerability, and lust. Please do tell..... Do I challenge life's theory on love or should I walk away free from love. Please advise; should I become a prisoner of love or should take the deal and walk away a free woman.
So I closed my eyes stretch my arm out and carefully place the needle in my arm.
I overdosed on this drug called love



Thawann Q. Ogle