I’m on a boat but there’s no water
I can hear what sounds like thunder but there’s no matter
Are my eyes playing tricks on me ?
Have my mind become mad?
I watch for the clouds but there’s not a one insight,
The sense of sudden doom in my sweat
The urgency within my bones to get it right
Laying on my bed tonight
I can’t deny the fact that ...there’s something that keeps hitting my head and making think all night I can’t see it yet but I just sense it ...that things are not alright...
But I’m getting tired I’m sleep and rest maybe that’s what I need hmm ...night

I’m a fraction..
Let me explain
Half of me understands, half of me gets it.
we been...Ive been living a lie
So close to the truth it’s like air to the naked eye
Careless perceptions and false prophesies leading to a demise
It’s like he who created the hologram understanding why did I make such images here that’s not living ?
Like the airplanes that fly over our heads some may read and learn most will not get this!
But I truly believe heaven is not a religion!
God is not distant!
And the devil is not Omni potent!
Trump is in office for a reason!
Obama was here after the rain as the rainbow was and yet still made the homosexuals a form of benevolence...
I would say wake up but I’m truley thinking most men won’t get this even there dreams became reality .... as a rich man spending his money but wanting compassion and love cause IT CANNOT SPEAK TO HIM THE WAY HE HOLDS SO DEARLY ON TO IT.
....wake up
...dreams that  have come true are called ...
Visions
Which makes all who understands the times are visionary’s
Such people are awake even when there sleep and those that are sleep is asleep will miss it

Have you ever let the Tv watch you while you think of what should of happened?
I should of kissed you and listened
I should of texted more and went the distance
Flipping the Tv But reminiscin
Expensive shirt for no reason cause I’m sitting alone at this table with eyes but yu not being here there all watching me in vain ...for no reason....here....all alone
Watching the tv but paying no attention
The tv is on and there’s people here but without you it’s like the noise of chatter means nothing
Zilch..
Nada...
Nothing... I can’t hear nothing

Can we just change the channel

Didn’t you know I was waiting on you
Waiting on a dream that will never come true
Didn’t you know I was waiting on you
My face turn to stone when I heard the news
When you decide to break the rules
Cause I just heard some real bad news

Told me you will come back for me
But you came back with you know who
And now I’m falling with a thump on the ground he constantly kicks me while I’m down
Saying things like “look at you now”
How could you let him text me like he’s been around
Like he knows how I held you down
Like he knows how I lifted you up
Like he knows how you let me down
And with a thump on the ground
And a kick in the face I bleed out my religion now
Our traditions ...
Our love...
I can’t ...
I can’t feel nothing now...

I heard of a place beyond the clouds
Where he who sits is a savior
That died wretched death but it was only for me
And I heard beneath me something so beautiful and fierce yet speaks like a dragon and slithers like serpent.
And as I think  I hear a calling
And as I hear a calling I sense my body backing away
Gravity has me confused my love
This shirt is too tight
And these pants are so expensive
My skin feels weird
And my heart seems as if it’s dying to keep me alive.
I just don’t wanna lose that voice who hears my cry at my desperation.
Cause I’m desperately sinking

Quiet and delicate past
My thorns are showing at last
My leaves and roots are about to bud
All I  need is water and love

They take and take threw the seasons they come
But at last I’m here growing threw the mud
Sometimes I feel alone and stuck
But threw the night I sense you’re faithfulness to rise again my love
My sun
My love
My faithful friend that gives me strength and touch.
So I will grow and I will show you my colors
I’m no longer worried of death cause I’m living in field full of wonders

...hello old friend good morning

With you I had everything
Now i just have everything
It’s a full circle like a  wedding ring
I guess you were the diamond but I kept chipping away to make it perfect and I cut you to deep so deep that you are beautiful only from a far away ...

Dripping grey goose
Melodies dance under the firey lights
And you well you’re so expensive like jimmy choo
Versace
It’s probably cause I have taught you to love you’re self and that’s what suits you.
Seventy dollars worth underwear that’s suits you..
jimmy choo
Versace
Zara on you’re jacket let’s me know I’m losing you
The feeling of losing you
Bleeds threw my cup of grey goose
Melodies watch me and these fiery lights choose me..
I should dance tonight
With the new me
It suits me

When is it your turn?
When is it your turn to fall ?
When is it your turn to break down?
When do you get too big of a piece?
When do someone stop there schedule for you..
Tell me ...
Tell me you believe in love
Do you
Tell me
Have you ever see This kinda of love?
so tell me when is my Time to show you that I care for you

I wanna go deep with person and lose myself
So much that our double helix keeps asking “wait did I lose a strand”?
So deep the mirror questions who is he again...
So deep like the oceans looks and say “Who’s deeper then him?”
All these questions but I haven’t got answer yet...
tell me are you ready to love someone so much that you lose yourself in them and if you lose them time can not keep y’all away from each other... cause destiny has spoken “ITS LIKE THEY WERE MADE FOR EACH OTHER”

Why do I feel like I am nothing but a ****
Excuse my French but this was never what I want
What I want is to find someone who loves me, make love to me before they ***
Come closer after and with our sweaty bodies say “I want this I want you and that’s all I want“.
...cause even when we’re away from each other they think bout me like I think bout them threw the years...the days....months.

I never thought I would heal
I never thought you would leave
I never thought I’ll be fine
To say i would like to look from a far then being the one in your life

Ocean full of thoughts
There’s Mountain full of mistakes in my heart
But loving you I was doing my job
Right threw wrong I was there from the start
But who’s with me threw the end?
My dad told me you watch and care for those but what about him?
The man in the mirror and once again he lower his glory for imperfect man
Never...
Never... again we can’t say never so I will say I’m feeding him healing just to know not all have you’re good intentions
I miss you yes but you missed him
I’m gone

You want it back then take it,
The hoodie that kept me warm and the scent that comfort me threw times you were vacant.

The earphones I took to get me Out of my head asking my self who can be your replacement..

Why don’t you take the kisses off my cheek where we first met ?
How bout the last memory when I walked the dog and I called his name and he finally ran. He finally ran to me!

Yeah WHY DONT YOU TAKE HIS RESPECT,

And take my heart to cause thats yours to...cause u took that and I haven’t got it back.

..Well at least I’m  Your dogs friend.

Like me for this but not for that
And that is who I am I can’t change that
This is who I became to make you see that I truley did change for you ..
But that! ...see that right there isn’t a act!

Honestly if you wouldn’t of had this and that then I wouldn’t even like you like that
BE YOURSELF AND STOP JUST STOP MAKING ME INTO THEM
I’ll be fine you don’t like me for that
But this I know about you
I loved you no matter what you had
And I hope one day you will see this and realize I’m not perfect but I’ll give you the world





...you just gotta understand

I need some therapy woah
I need some clarity woah
I need some therapy woah
Ice me down
Ice me down
Ice me down
Liquored out
Liquored out
Liquored out !
In the clouds
In the clouds !
I need some therapy woah !

Six six six do you really need the sense to understand that cents been buying time since we were little kids ?
See how that was a circle of existence
And ohhh elephants there in the room!
But this ...
All this is not making sense cause to be honest
Since you been gone nothing has
Nothing been making any type of sense and no matter how much cents I have in my pocket
It can’t bring me peace or happiness
Or better yet you

I might break the bank
I might open the safe
Just to show you weight
Just to let you know
Just to let you see
You’re more then a paycheck to me
Funny how you go and get your nails done
Smiling but it’s odd how you do the most
No I’m not mad but it’s weird how your insecurity like to boast

Why are you mad shouldn’t I be the one?
Wait ...why are you sad shouldn’t I be alittle of something?
Okay okay you got college.... big deal
Okay okay you’re mom tell you to clean up ...here ....and there.
You get home at around 4 just to take care of you’re little brother who’s prolly still in his underwear.
You’re sisters gone and you’re Dad is not there.
But why are you crying in your closet like nobody cares?
For four whole months I layed next to your ***** socks
Dodging the front door  to not get caught
Sneaking threw neighborhood.. I could of got shot
I tried to show u that someone did
died alittle just to show you you can live.
I tried my ******* best !
Why do I have to pick up the phone to hear what you went threw this year
And **** !!
Here I am on the other end screaming my heart out cause I never wanted it to end !!
Like why man !
Why do I care !
Look this will be the last time and I...
*answers the phone *
“Hello...”
“Yes ....I’m still here”

I never wanted to be apart of you’re past,
But looking back isn’t all bad
What’s good is a under statement
Like a gay guy hiding in the basement,
Shouldn’t it be the closet?
So he can try on anything he wants before he tell the world
“Cadet!...I like you’re private”
See I salute anyone who stand up to there past,
So if  you looking back at my flaws and when I use to grab *** then that’s your bad

He got the keys to my house and my heart I hope that he saves me..
But a piece to my peace my mind does a one-eighty.
Cause I don’t wanna be played like you’re favorite 5 songs cause those songs get old ...
I don’t want my  love to get old

Can I tell you something ?
Can I speak the truth?
I did lie to your face
I did cheat on you
I had my reasons but I’ve learned from my mistakes
So I hope face to face you will see A different man with a clean slate.
Can I tell you something?
Can I speak the truth?
I just wanted to be next to you.
You gave me the best feeling no person has
And even now you are the reason I still look at my past like ....”Thank you”.
Can You tell me something?
Can you speak the truth?
If there was a way to rewrite our sins and do things usual
Would you be by my side?
Would you love me till my funeral ?
Cause I’d hold you’re hand on ur sick bed to.
Can I ask you something ?
Can you tell the truth ?
I still got that ring I never gave to you..
If I bend one knee would you still marry me after all we have been threw

I hear this raining but it’s all in my head
I can speak about brokenness but I rather talk about bending instead..
Suffering is a word that my bones don’t even like
But funny how they go threw that word every night
In relationship you give you’re all and never think twice
Cause at the end of the day you’re never coming home again and I’ve finally moved on right
Pop the popcorn turn off the lights my mind plays movies of us the play is called “the wrong and the rights”
Who was right ? Who was wrong ?
Here I am sitting back thinking
Where did we go wrong
But you don’t care you moved on
It’s been a year so why am I still sitting in this theater .....
All alone..

I hear you calling my name but it’s faint
And the taste of you’re presence is turning to fate
What must I do to enter into your gates?
Confess that I am a wretched man ?
I can say but my actions don’t hold enough weight..
So I go to the gym in vain and lay here and think of you’re magnificent face praying that I may I get it right and that you will sustain before it’s to late
My Lord
It’s not easy reaching for something in me,
I can’t lie ... I’m not strong if there was a name I was some may call me weak

See me look at me isn’t this what you wanted?
Isn’t this what you wanted to see? Look at me..
Don’t you wanna see me break down..
Down the pillars
Down like hell
Down like watch Your step
Down ,down .. I’m down I’m still down
And you gave me where you want me
Just say the word
Just say I’m youres
Just say we’re good
Cause I’m down yeah I’m all the way down

Sweet divine you cross my mind
And my shadow follows like a dot behind a sentence.
Period...
I’ll give it
Period
I’m listening
Period
I’m finish
Period..
Dot dot dot like a run on sentence
I’m finally finding beauty behind commitment.
Period..
That’s ....well that’s it...if you don’t get it my love never stopped for you...not one minute.

Never wanted to lose you and I lost you.
Losing something is hard when you know what it cost you.
You...well you’re trying to move on from the thought to,
This is not a sad poem so I don’t want you be tearful
I’m just saying if you have time with them to fight about small petty *** ****....be greatful.
Cause waking up to someone being mad at you shows Me thar  it could of been a better example

Stop with the dreams!
I’m trying to sleep

Tell me mind , what do you want from me
Conversations with my heart and he tells me He don’t even wanna speak to you.

You’re becoming deadly you’re brcoming lethal
Sometimes I just think do I really need you.
Sometimes I just think..
I think..
You think ...??
If it wasn’t for me you would sink
If it wasn’t for me You wouldn’t believe.
Come back to me
I’ll help you see
I know you want to see
Let me give you peace!

You tried,
I’ll try..
I tried... to see you.
When you coming over bab
Let’s spend time
No mind I’m alright
Quit remindin
Quit reminding me
How lonely I am

Hey, what’s your name
My name is happiness
I’m only here for a moment...
If you were looking for Love he’s down the street.
Be cautious I heard joy said he’s on vacation so i don’t know if he’s home but you can go see man okie bye

I just want peace babe,
Say you want me!
Take me to the Wild Wild I just wanna be by your side
On your side
On my life
I swear I’ll give it up for you
I belong to you!
I swear I just want PEACE!

So my Ex is going out with one of my Friend's Ex and it's so weird because we been talking before i even met him and before he even met his...
they never knew each other it just happend man it's been a weird moment for me and him and how we found out was odd to, We been talking bout our break ups and never traded pictures with each other so i never seen his ex and he never seen mine until 1 day ago i showed him my ex is still using my last name! I KNOW..cray cray idk what to do anymore cause i always felt like i've wanted him back but this literally is like the most weirdest thing ever and i try my best not to think of us but i do but now...like NOOOOW i'm sooo out of it it's so weird..oh ..ooo i gotta go now but i will keep you updated.


Sincerly,
ZEAL'S LIFE.

I’ll try it if it feels right
But what it feels like
I’ve been walking for some days
And I don’t see this world the same
When the  sun gets brighter, my hearts on Fire
My eyes and stars awake.

Threw the thrills
I still ...
Think of you miles and miles away.

Why am I chasing a face that’s seen me cry
It’s like Kissing the life into something that’s already died
Slowly I twist in the day then unwind at night
You say your coming back in power with all of your might..
But Im trying to belive in you like you were Jesus Christ.
And nothing was the same
And nobody was to blame
I hear if you loved someone you will want to be with them no matter what
How did I become the joke
How did I become the joke

Oh really so you think you got me figured out.

I put walls up for you  just to see that now ...umm hola?! ...I’m locked out.

Oh really so you think you got me figured out .

Took my culture and gave me a president that pushed homosexuality so my sons won’t procreate the situations of skin cause ....black?! Oh there’s nothing to talk about.

Oh really so you think you got me figured out.

Is it bird,
Is it a plane!
No it’s super...bug?
Huh I wonder what’s that all about.
(Research)

Oh really so you think you got me figured out.

Nothing is better sometimes
Once we both said our goodbyes
TIMBER!
I have fallen out of love with you
Congratulations..
Go home now
My tears are becoming frozen
And I can’t remember the fall
And his heart
My heart feels buried under the weight of it all.
But I’ve been wondering
Have you been real with us?

I wanna feel how it feels to be loved,
Dive in a pool full of kisses and Hugs
Tasting what’s real if you’re down then drink up
See all the possibilities
The possibilities
Of just Us.

They say time will heal all the wounds.
Well mate I’m not  done bleedin
Cause the thought of holding you haven’t been forgotten
And it’s so dame detailed
Like new car first open, oh I remember thy smell.

I wanna feel how it feels to be loved,
Dive in a pool full of kisses and Hugs
Tasting the what’s real if you’re down then drink up
See all the possibilities
The possibilities

You need to let this one go
It’s hard lose something you already know
But chasing someone was never my goal
I just figured it would be cool to have you at the end of my road
I need to let you go
But faking that you don’t want that person is hard I know
Looking at my past I was a better man alone
Even my insecurities look beautiful alone
Let’s just let this go
Let me let you go
I don’t think I will ever stop loving someone like you
But you moved on I guess it’s my turn to

Know the truth is written all over your face.
Circumstances bring you down on your knees
Go on and Cry a ocean and confide in it
And when he calls hide behind a smile that’s make believe.

Oo don’t lose your self esteem
You have done all that you can
Back up and Let him find out what a  broken heart means

I’ve been sinking in my thoughts for days now
There in the movies feeling I should break down
It’s like I have to choose from being rich or being poor with a lover now.
Why can’t you just come home as I’m home to my heart an let’s forget about who is on your phone now...
I’m trying to rhyme and be less dramatic
But **** man this hurts and i don’t know if I wanna just call you mine or just lay here til you notice that you need me to
These hands text these words but it’s the most I can do
All these Dating apps an I just want you
All these guys and I’m so tired of scrolling threw
All these **** videos but they don’t do what you do
I know thats nasty to some but to me that’s a piece of why I thought you were beautiful.
In a mans eyes all we think about is how we can fix
While girls  think  we think about is ***
But what if you were missing a man
Who told you he wants to be happy with someone close his age and wanted to show his mom a reasonable color to come home to ?
Most black guys would of moved on and here I am stuck on the fact I don’t care if she’s  racist all I want to know is are you coming home.
Cause I’m missing you like crazy and to be honest I don’t think I have done any wrong
When I can’t go back threw time and I can’t wash my skin off
I don’t know I m just writing this one to write wrongs and show you I would wait for you ...
Ima leave this here let me know when you get off.

Oops I have done it I did it again
Fell in a moment in my head.
You were the anchor and I was the ship
Sense you have let go I’ve been wondering threw this.
Taste what I already know
Oh just drink a sip
I drink it all down though
That feeling of being alone and ****.

Yea, tried to let that go
Some how it comes back to kiss
So... oops I have done it I did it again...
I’m thinking of you again
Like a ship to anchor that has broke off
I wonder while I’m wondering ...
Do you think of me friend

Your just a act!
You’re just a actress
Putting on a show
Cause you don’t want the world to know
That you lost the man who loved you all along.
To be honest my babe I gave you the best of me
But you said to me
“I wasn’t ready”... so I gave you time to make me a priority
Put my feelings out there but you just ignored it
Being real was something you wanted but ignored it!
You can’t get mad at the way I react
You got me feeling like this was a act!
You’re just a actress
Putting on a show


Maybe I should really just let this go...
Maybe I should let you go

I never meant to be too much
But then again if I wasn’t then it wasn’t love
Was it stupid to fall in love?
I don’t think I was I just think it was your company that I love.
See, I never meant to
Nvm

I feel weird
Like the world just stopped spinning
I feel naked
Like the towel been snatched from me
I feel real
Like I’ve done something and waiting isn’t helping
I feel...
Like bad love song or the Day after Tomorrow where Tom cruise woke up on the same day and notice that he was gunna have to die today.
Trying to keep the women he loved from dying and he seen this play out a billion times but couldn’t do anything bout it.

I feel like silence
I feel nothing I can’t feel
Wait ...
What were you saying ?

I’m needy
(You need me)

I’m smiling
(Not really)

Come with me
(Come taste me)

Your feelings
(I’m feening)

Your tripping
(I’m lying)

I want to break up
( what I really wanna say is you been acting really weird and I want you to come closer and hold me)

I hope you hear my heart
I hope really see
What I do is who I am and where you are is where I want to be
They call me stupid for believing
But Not in me ...
In you.

Cause taking you back is like Picking up trash in someway,

Cause cheaters don’t suppose to have a second fling

Funny how they become your only thought
And now I’m laughing for what?
You can turn my love into I don’t give a ****

I wanna keep you close cause if I keep you  far
Inches turn to miles and I’m not miles from the bar.

What you inches from?
Would you cover miles ?
Would you come to me if I was feeling down?
Would you tell me the truth?
Do I make you smile ?
Is there anybody else other then me that you seeing now?

I am your peace of mind
Fight for what you made yourself
Believe
Tell me what you find ?
Will you cross the line to
Sabotage me?

You’re my first and he is the last,
I Never liked  girls but that’s my bad.
To tell the truth I  was tired of ***
And she like every drop I guess.

He loved me and I continued it.
Was i wrong for alittle kiss?
I was wrong should of never text
Now you’re gone that’s word to my Ex

To my bully I’m not scared of ya
Got no more tears to run for ya
Black eye after name calling I find I start to smile noticing You’re running out of ideas
And days

I eat my lunch before I go to school anyways
I’ve been plotting your demise for a whole semester.
Knowing your mom is there but to busy to listen to ya
and your dad dosent truley care for ya...
Even better
I could snap my fingers and your world would shatter
I could speak and could let demons enter your mind
I could drop my bag and go toe to toe with ya
But...
I see ... how fun you have calling me “ugly”
I see.. you keep me around and check on me cause u really want to be someone’s focus and trust me you have mine

You take my lunch cause you dont eat much
How I love the rings around my eyes cause one day you will see I was the only person that truley cared

...I love you

P.S. I’ll be there at your graduation you can count on it

Can you bite the fire?
And tell me things I don’t want to know..
I feel the heat of every second to.
But it’s ok cause looking in your eyes makes me smile
Cause I haven’t felt like this in awhile.

Can you light the fire?
Cause I’m to weak tonight to let this go..
I sense you feel the weight of it to.
But its ok just keep looking in my eyes
Makes you smile
Cause you know that I will walk a mile.




..for you