Taking the chance is not physics
Renting a heart is expensive
I rather you want to come then me summoning your presence.
After all this you will be the one begging for my intelligence
I can see it I’ve sworn my love
And every morning I’m impressing my benevolence...
And it ask me again
“How far will you bow to a prince when you’re a king.?”
And I say to it
“Cause this is not about kingdoms ...this is about showing someone He is truely a walking trophy.”
You are my trophy

Feeling it
Needing it and wanting it is so different
Some how I merge that
My feelings and my love is different
One stays the other only for a moment
If it’s time you want
He’s bending to your degree
If it’s me you want
I’m here to see what you see
Give me you
In all your glory
With wrinkles, with spots and specs
And I will show you
With me your slate will become clean
Just love me the way you do.

My mind has become a field of my imagination,
And it’s crowded up there
I am God even the thought of God is person here and the man I am in my head is something serious.
That was just a fragment in my head.

I finally got what I wanted Soo why am I questioning it?
A feeling is a feeling but I’m finding out that I’m feeling weird
Why do I have to be reassured everytime
If something is up would you tell me?
And if I was yours would you show it

It’s complicated but it’s who I am,
I’m complicated and I know I am.
It’s not my name like Will I am,
It’s just a stage where I perform myself.

As the audience clap
and my mind gives me back
so I can stop the day dreams
Im in the sun with no hat,
I watch the grass turn green
And feel my innocence snap
Saying
“Get back to work there ain’t no time for all of that”.

So I’m glad you’re not me,
And I’m glad you’re not that
Even though everyone has demons in them
I’ll keep the love on for you
If you keep your patience on for that.

I am a confirmed believer that having it all together dosent mean you have it all together.
Who said they will wait forever ?
And now I’m sinking back to whatever
Like a old song that hits the spot
I feel like a hopeless endeavor
The bills are here
And the Mediocres...
4 years ago and I still can’t believe it’s over.

I am a confirmed believer that I’m not okay rn..

Babe!
Who’s your favorite?
Oh we’re playing favorites...
Am I your favorite?
Yes  I do
You guessed it,
Missing you
Yes it’s true
All because I know I...
Seen what you been threw
I seen But I love to
All I know
Is
You

But if you wanted to be friends..
And if you needed a boyfriend to cuddle you..
Like what if you were looking at your husband...
What would you say to me

Try to deny the truth,
I bet it will eat at you
Somethings I wish I knew,
You play me like flute
It’s hard to deny the truth.

Secrets never Lie
Like road **** with flies,
If they knew where I go at night
The stench is in the sky
The dead has risen tonight
Cause secrets never lie.

Tell me what you know
I laugh it off like a joke.
You ask me why I come
“Because You summoned my soul”
The road will be with flies
The stench of our demise.
And now you see what you wanted to know
As regret eats your mind.
I should just let you go
You should just let me go
Cause We both know if the sun reaches the sky
I’m just a dead boy walking alone

Found you where I left you
After the shrugs and after the drugs
I can’t feel nothing no
I feel so dame numb
But I wish that you ran
Like I wish that you ran back to me like I do to you.
But you’re just bottle
Like your just bottle
And I’m just a man
Who falls to deep the second someone lets him.

I was looking for a Superman until I found out I’m him.
But all this flying is nothing when you can’t save those from hells den.
Where I’m at is where I’ve been.
Stuck under the covers and entangled in a bliss

With lips like these
You became a need
If I hit my knees
Would you pray with me?
If I dive to deep
Would you rescue me?
I let my mind just bleed
I let my heart just scream
Don’t be scared of me
Don’t be afraid of me

Time my time for you...
I’ll stop the world just for the seconds with you.
Oh my bad  I just can’t help it
Your love got me so selfish.
I just want you not second guessin.
Man this going to hurt but Dont regret it.
It’s not me it’s you,  you said it!
Okay I love you But let’s not sweat it

it
Takes
So
Finesse
I
Seen
Your
Finesse
He can’t
Know
finesse

I am sinking threw my pillow
Lower then ever tonight
You are light years away with a new vibe
And I haven’t even put on my shoes sense the last time
So I’m tripping over my shoe lace like I forgot how to tie.

I find it hard it’s hard to find the will oh well never mind,
26 and I keep losing the ones I love like 80 year old waiting for his time.
I’ve tried...God ...Ive  tried to win a heart
This gay life is ripping me apart
Beautiful men and you mean to tell me all of them want *** tonight
Who wants forever?!
Who wants me?!
Who got time!
Who got me..
Who got
Who

In the city of Beautiful faces
They’re cry is hallow at night
Crying for nothing but love but never giving it time
Switch body parts except the heart of life
Getting drunk but not drinks on there on likes
I’m not going to fight the next man that you like for you just to record someone I’m not.
i rather talk to the mirror and Yell at the night....
Oh no who have I become
Not giving the lovers a chance in my life
This day I will declare I’ll go to war for the one who will save me from my own knife

Don’t wait up
I’m staying
I wish all these nights We were laying
Side by side
Eye to eye
Life to Life
Why oh why is hard!
Why oh why is hard for you to love me
Why oh why is it easy for you to let me *******
Please
Answers..I need answers please

I worked ******* your smile
I chiseled my chin
I cropped my skin
I crinkled my brow just to get a four letter word
Out of your mouth.
3 years ago I was the one you talked about.
Getting up to see me was expensive
Getting up to hold me Was a check you needed
How did I let those moments get deleted
Everyone I talk to are like a song that’s on repeat
i already heard it...
*** runs the world and if it don’t run you then you’re running from it
I’m so in shape I forgot how it felt to be square to my circumstance.
I worked hard to stop the tears
I lowered my chin
I leveled my friends
I even crinkled my pride just to get a four letter word from your mouth again.
I tried to wash your name from my mouth ..but I can’t.

Here I am sitting by your house like a ghost
No music, no lights, so close.
I drove for hours just to talk to my soul, Then got possessed by the memories you sold.
Do you remember me..?
Such a delicate question as a tear hits my nose.
I’m weak and my eyes become froze.
Gripping the steering wheel and slowly fading behind the seatbelt is the only thing that seems mellow.
Hello...
As Billie Ellish voice soothingly comes threw the radio
“What the hell did I do”?
Never been the type to
Let some one see right threw
Ooo

As I roll up the windows and turn up the volume
Singing...
Maybe if you take me back
Say I was the one to make you laugh
And see me in this car tonight and hold me and just say I’m coming back!
The road is getting blurry now
The tears are coming just to laugh
I LOVE YOU.
I love you
....
I don’t want to
But I love you
Ooo

Guess it’s my time now,
I should go home and drive back now
As I take a deep breath and text you for the last time.

6/11/2020
...I tried & I’m here when you need me.
I leave you with another gun to **** me
I back slowly
To be honest I don’t even know how I got home but just like healing
Slowly but surely

No trace
You can see it on my face
I’ve been drinking and sippin on things
Tripping on Us
I fall right out of space
I feel out of place
I can’t feel I’m lying
I’m digging you like I’m mining
I believed in you like the  Mayans
No trace no trace no trace
I wiped my tears before I came out today
Just so you couldn’t see

Most of the times i keep a couple of dimes
Like the change in my pocket I got change in the door.
Sitting in my passenger he likes my Dior
I tried to keep me clean but I got stains in the dark.
places and resorts
Drinks and the sparks
Kinks to the parts
Keys to the door

I can open you up but I rather hear your heart.

Touch your soul when I’m in,
Take it out Just to mend.
Switch positions so sweetly
Eyes lock so deeply
My love is  always deep
Tatted on me so please ...
Don’t question his loyalty.

But Who is keeping score?

Watch the world just spin
Like the ceiling fan.
Don’t know where to start
don’t where to begin.
Let the Thunder roar
And the lightening begin
Did I lose you friend?
I can’t lose you again
**** the world I want him
**** the world I want him
Tell me how I can win?
Tell me how I want him
Tell me how I can win?

But who is keeping score....

I never been so close to the things I hated
But I’m reading between the lines like in the book God Created.
the Joy those men shared  when it wasn’t all great.

When the lights went off so my mom lit a candle for me to play.

Or the time when I got in trouble at school but I found my Dad picking me up an feeding me when I didn’t deserve his grace.

It was a drug called “Theraflu” that I use to hate taking that !
But everytime my parents gave it to me it would knock the cold right out.

Oh the taste on my tongue,
Oh the memories just run
Laying on my bed today
Looking back what my life has become.
Stuck in a house full of Failures but look how much trophies I won
I thank God for the good
I thank Jesus for the bad
Cause with out a creator
Over the years I would of lost each and every one

Youre the best I ever had,
In a room full of cash
Compare to you it’s  scrap.

If our plane was going down what would be the last thing you say to me ?

If We only had 24hrs to live tell me would you hold me?

What about the boat sinking
How about the train squeaking
What about the car beaping
Losing sleep  cause the demons ..
******* addicts cause were feening
I need to know tell me
What If I got down on one knee this time and ask you to take my life this evening..?

What would you do..

This
Can’t
Not

I
Tried
To

He
Can’t
Know
(Finesse)

It
Takes
So
Finesse

.....you stay on my mind.

Tell me something
Are you down to let go
Of all our somethings
And frame a new photo...

You’re so worth it
All my silver and Gold
Babe it’s nothing
Compared to those hands that I hold..

You were broken and I was shattered by you,
All the pieces I sold just to buy it back just to learn that LOVE IT SELF IS LIKE A PAINTING

Many colors, many steps But the most beautiful thing about love is knowing you are a  mess and yet somebody can Love you threw your mess

“Like a Canvas to a paint brush”

Let’s not start over let’s pick up where we left off cause I still love you threw all this mess.

I never seen a rose turn black
I never seen the clouds hold the rain
I sometimes wonder if Able killed Cain
What would be the difference between the rivers in the streams
what Would of happen if we were still together in the finner Things

I didn’t mean to lose control
Every step I step carefully until I notice
The devil is so beauuuutiful.
With no make up dame you had me bending myself and now I’m broken..
Now you treat me like a stranger and I feel so numb
I can’t believe I stoop so low
But now I made this fall into absolute soul
So even though my Lucifer is Beauuutiful.
Now He’s just somebody that I use to know.

How much I wanna say it,
How much I want to..
My mind is the smoke
My heart is the degrees
Doctor I need your assistance
Yes this is your patient, please
Every time you text me
I ...can’t...breath.
Maybe I need mouth to mouth
Or some type of faith to believe
That we just did what we did a month ago
And that’s exactly what I need

...i need 24 hours with you,
Or better yet...You need 24 hours with me.

what if you were God for a day
What if you were Martin Luther on the next
What if you were a Adolf for a hr
What if you were with your ex
What would you change in the Heavens?
What If you saw the burning crosses?
What if you could lead a Whole Nation?
What if you were Everything your Lover wanted.

...what if you were me and what if I were you.
What would you say to me if I was God
What would you say to me if you were marching with me..?
If I was about to take the Stage and I bumped into you ...

What would you say to me if I was you and you were me?

Things seem so fake
I seem so fake.
Days run on Days
I run on Grace.
So close to hell
Man the Stinch of the place.
The stinch of my pride
I’ll be lying if I’m not scared inside.

I’m not Suicidal but sometimes I wanna die,
If Love is the Prize, If life is Wise
God is True and Every man is a lie
Then Forgive me Belove for letting my life be a lie.

The red eye just keep my heart beating your secret safe with me.
Just drive I broken our mirror so our past won’t look so tempting..

I never thought it felt this way to quit!
Failure taste sooo sweet.
I’m not afraid anymore
Forgive me

I’ll swing here just at least they found me.
Stay close dear the note on the floor says
“I wish that you were here”

I never thought it felt this good to quit!
Failure taste sooo sweet.
I’m not afraid anymore
Don’t help me.

I never knew what I would do if anybody tried to take you away,
And that beautiful boy won’t wait for you because he’s busy with the lights and his ways.

And I don’t know why I breath,
It’s taking to long for me
Oh don’t bring up the process to me ...please!
i drove along way just to see your face.

i need somebody
Somebody!
Crazy enough to tell me
“I will love you till we...
Till we are buried”!

Our bodies
Our bodies buried close together
Cemetery weather
In the cemetery weather.

Harps will sing my life ...well
Whether if we died

I can feel the water all around my head
Around my head
I can feel the waves all around my neck.
And as I hold my hand out
As I try my last now
I can feel my heart now
In the land of opportunity and cute faces
They watch as I float down
I have made this sadness my home
I have made this tragedy my own
This new place where I can’t breath I have turned it into song
Let the waves crash over me and the loneliness take control
For I know I tried here and now I’m gone.

Is there anybody listening ?
Its like I’m yelling but I’m whispering
Like it doesn’t even matter.

Is there anybody listening?
Okie I’m yelling at the walls again
Like it doesn’t even matter.

Is there anybody listening ?
The Fathers without there children
Like they don’t even matter.

Tell them I am listening..
To the broken hearted immigrants
Because family does matter..
Cause all of this matters.

Now I’m sinking in my seat
Acting casual I can’t breath
The place where we met a year ago here we are strangers face to face
The careless words you say
The smile that you give is the icing on the cake!
And here I am praying you give me another shot
But I didn’t mean you would take the same bullet and shoot
Now I’m bleeding on “16 miles you walked for me that was dumb”
Then it hit me I gave my everything already I gave my life
And I look down at the wound and seen there was no blood coming out cause I gave you my life and you already killed me
I don’t think you know how much love goes
I don’t think you understand what love is
I dont think so
And here now that I’m sinking in my seat I feel real for the very first time when you said you have a bf..
And yet you wanted to chill with me just to tell me all this hurtful things.
I’m not dead but not alive man this is strange

The red capes are coming
A world full of Super-mans shouldn’t need saving....Does it?
A portion of my mind wrapped in a thought like a rain drop falling from the sky until it’s a puddle of things that are absolutely nothing.

I find it hard
It’s hard to find the will whatever Nevermind.
But I fell for you
Like the Letter  T
I put “U” first ...
..like **** myself until I’m aroused.

I rock the boat it made me smile
I kissed a stranger then thought of you until I drowned.

Like Nike check
I check to see did you text me but what I found the check it bounced.
I find it hard
It’s hard to find the Will whatever Nevermind...

They scream
“Pluto! Mars! Jupiter?!
He fell from the stars “!
See with a love like mine in this world ..it’s hard.
Try to convince your friend that you want to give him a gift when it’s not Christmas he will look distraught.
Or what about your crush give them a “Good morning“ and “I love you”.
They will look for another to break there heart.
But how still have love for them or him or her who broke my heart?
...I’m finding out in this world it’d gotta be a gift from God.

Cause I still love you

If I call on you ...you will need it
I know where you hide when it’s needed
Call me needy and keep me distant
But needless to say
..pick up your phone I’m not gunna call twice
...don’t keep me on read for long when you know you will need me for those rough times in your life ...
Isn’t it funny that you got friends and a man and yet here you are waiting on me for advice?

Roses are red violets are blue
Daisies are yellow but if I pick them I’m a fool
You will die and wither, like fades to clippers
Cut me deep now I wear scars like slippers.

I beg to differ blow my head like some swishers
Took a bar like snickers, I’m sorry for metaphors and these fake *** *******!
I’m not racist but I dive deep like fishers when it comes to the hook of my heart ...so **** being always apart.
Can we fight like a married couple and make up like maybaline.

...

Come home, you know I’m always awake.
But Ive been waiting for this so patient,
Feels good when you’re crush says “I’m waiting”
U got options and tonight I’m that
U Know, you got options H
Houston , U
Here you got options ...H
I know you got options bab
I can be your option every day..
Here you got options bab.

they sleeping on you
They sleeping on U
Don’t sleep on me
I won’t sleep on you..

Sweet remedy I feel your text like energy,
Good synergy the things I do for you to notice me.
Focus please I’m losing focus.
Been up for 2 days but  not on purpose
strangers talk about how big my **** is and yet...
I’m trying to measure you’re heart threw the motions..
..motions..
Hopeless
It’s hopeless...
No one want a real commitment
There’s some **** I gotta deal with
But for you if you want me to go deep in you
...then I can dig it.

The sun is getting tangled in the blinds,
I still cover my head cause the light is shining in my mind.
Tried to drink it off but the silence is wine
The floor is up so I’m getting caught in the times...
The clock on the wall or the ceiling fan
My eyes are spinning man
I’ve been thinking too much

Y - do you think you can **** me ?
I’ve tried...

O - you almost had me wait...
I lied

U - never wanna come to me no lie.

Rick Ross pineapples, Selena Gomez
Drake, Rihanna, MICHEAL Jackson So bad
Future beast mode, Billie illish sad ***

Song after song and I still think about your fine ***

My scars are getting better or maybe it’s just I’m ignoring them
My coats are getting furry or maybe it’s just my type.
The friends I had to bury for leaving me on read
I use to eat the little love they gave now I eat up there apologies instead.
what a monster I have become
You should see the dragon that’s roaming in my head

I bet you’re not even worried
You miles away and I been right here
Waiting ... kicking the rocks
Waiting ... building blocks
Waiting ... feeling distraught
Feeling so lost , feelings so lost
Thrusting my my eyes and walking these blocks
Kicking these rocks keeping these rocks
Throwing them at the stars
Earth has never felt so cold ...I swear .

What if we fall in love  
What if it was from a hug
What if You stay the night
What if I held you tight
What if I woke you up?
Just to say  goodnight..
What if you laid on my chest
What if we had no regrets
What if we yell and scream
What if we had make up ***
What if I took my time
read between the lines,
You look deep in my eyes.
What if we...
What if I....
What if you fell in love ?
What if it was just from a hug?