Your voice smooth and sweet
You words ones I wish to trust
But others have made that impossible
And yet I still get a little hope
And the thought of seeing another face

But would your stay still be the same
If I finally spoke the truth
Could you ber to look at me
Or would you throw me out
For hiding it for so long

Would you be upset I asked about it
Or would the fragmented memories
Finally click into place
And you understood why I jump
Why my heart races
And fear sets softly in my eyes
Despite my body wishing you close

Strip me of everything
Take the meaning from life
Only then
Maybe I'll say I love you

Show me your darkest secrets
Expose yourself at my whim
Only then
Maybe I'll say I love you

It was sweet at first
A tainted well I drank
Slowly my body wasn't mine

And I looked for "love"
In all the wrong places

And believed
That a kind venom tongue
Would save me from myself

When in fact
Was the reason
I tried to **** myself

I wake up like every other day
The wall the was once filled with hope and love
now echo the screams from the night before

Each one getting worst than the previous
Not sure when this hell will end

I've already been through this once
why was I returned to crying myself to sleep every night

Why?

She believed that lie
that no one loved her but family
that everyone else was being nice
but didn't care

She believed that lie
when her boyfriend said "I love you"
for the first time
he was just being nice with her fragile heart

With a final breathe
she believed that lie
that no one cared
they were just being nice

But the line to view her
the silent screams
the aching hearts
and glass tears

those weren't a lie

They honored her like she was a hero
one who went to war over seas
when the battle she loss
was much closer to home

She believed the lie
when people said
"Oh you must have many friends"
"I don't have any friends, everyone is nice
but no one is my friend"

So strange

To lay so still
To be frozen under the sheets
Wondering how you feel

When the last time
Your were in a borrowed one
Was with another
And you were happy then

such a dreaded thing

Some for good
Some for bad
Some for hope
some for despair

Seconds feel like hours
the clock moving slower

oh why do you move so slow
when I am alone
yet so fast when I am not?

I still look for you
despite the years it's been
beyond the time you last touched my skin
I still long for you

Looking for that spark we had in others
and coming up empty
because none will compare to you

I still miss you
and feel like I'm still crying in the rain
as you drove away

away from me
away from us
away from what could have been

so I hope
pray that one day you'll relise
that despite how you view yourself
that you are still loved

unconditionally
unchanged
everlasting

you still have my heart
and one day I hope we meet again
even if it is to see you one last time

"Hey I'm in town, want to meet up"
                                                                                       "What are you after"
"Nothing"
                                                                                         "Don't lie to me"
"......."
                                                                                      "What do you want?"
"I want to feel again....."
                        "And I hurt you, like you said we never could mix right"
"But at least then I know I'm alive, even if it will hurt when I leave"
                                                    "You can easily do that talking with me"
"But what if I want something more"
                                                                                                  "Like what?"
"To know what love feels like again"
                                                                                                         "............"
                                                                                                               read

What if my heart was bruised
From being dropped so many times
By hands that forgot
It was fragile

What if my trust was broken
From those who took it for granted
And never listened
When I asked for understanding

What if my skin is scared
Not by purpose
But by accident instead
By something I can not control

What if my eyes do not see right
The uncertainty of the world
When vision fades
And all I can see is the darkness I think

Could you still love me
Or even let me be around
Even if friends
It would be nice not to be alone in this silence

The phone is silent
The email does not ping
Nothing breaks the void

Her voice powerful
Her mind a raging fire
But her mouth stays closed

As time slips by
Tick tock
Oh look, another minute has passed

I have a second life
Few know exist
Black and white
1s and 0s
Endless possibilities
Endless wonder
A emptiness is how it begins
Slowly the world grows
And find new life
In the stories I write

Is this how it ends?
One final stroke of a key
One final note sung
One final message sent
Final page of a book
Without a end

Is this how we end?
Is this how the love dies?

Choices
Do I stay
Do I go
Do I continue on
Do I start over
Do I create art
Do I read a book
Do I train
Do I ride

Endless choices
Endless possiblities

and yet
I sit here
and do none of it

Oh, my sweet little devil
You view me so high
put me on a pedestal to display

You hold me up
Comfort me when I'm down
try to support me as best as you can

But would you still hold me close
comfort my fears
if you realized I wasn't the angle you saw

Would you still wish to be near
if you understood
that is my biggest regret

the one simple action
that controls my life
involved you?

Could you still look at me the same
or would your view change
when you see me shy away from your loving touch

Would you leave little devil
if you understood what I did
that November morning?

When I was 11
I wished to die

Simple and painless
not sure about the thoughts

When I was 13
I wished to die

Slow and calm
Something where I would feel myself die

When I was 16
I wished to die

Expecting hospital equipment
that wouldn't save me

A hole in everyone's hearts
A message no one wished to hear

When I was 20
I wished to live

Pushing myself to exhumation
It almost made me lose it all.

My body was too tired to stay awake
A miracle I walked away

Three attempts
21 scars

All gave birth to a dragon
That still flies
despite the circumstances

One last day
One final breath
One last moment
before chaos strikes

Im a nobody today
tomorrow everyone will know me
I just might be
The one everyone wants

One last day at being me
One last day of being a nobody
One last day
Before my life changes

If I could, I would write myself a letter
A letter full of hope and happiness
but also a warning of the pain to come

To write to the past
make memories that can never come
Hold loved ones just one more time
Stop the pain before it comes

I would be happy
my body wouldn't be scarred
but I would also be different

I wouldn't be able to stand up when hit
I wouldn't understand how fragile life can be

If I could write a letter to myself
A letter that said everything to come
I simply


wouldn't

Looked over
Ignored
Pushed aside

I work with what I have
but yet others get special treatment
and I'm once again told I can't do something

When I speak questions
I am yelled at
and cut with a knife
called "Insincere"
and family grows smaller

Messages of love and hope
are overlooked
in the chaos of the job

everyone forgets me
so who would care
if I just disappeared?

Your voice was music to my ears
the small laugh you gave made my heart flutter
but as quickly as it went up
it came crashing down
I do not know what to do
Nor how I feel half the time
The long periods of silence
only make a mind wander
but when you speak
you act like I'm the only one in the world
So now I type
procrastinating yet again
because I am unsure about you

I see them close by
Some days they are closer than others
A boy and a girl
Two souls that call me mom

Both are sweet and caring
but only one is mine by blood
both of their fathers are gone

One killed in a war away from home
the other in a war down the street
Both caring
but taken too soon

Even though we all miss them
We try to find happiness.
The only thing we can't run short of

One day I will hold them in my arms again
And when that day comes
I will cry once more
Thanking those above
that I have my family once again

To take a picture from my eye
Or what a wonder it would be

Snap it up like a memory
Hold the painting forever more

Such beauty that can never be captured
No mater how hard man tries

Follow the North Star
All night into the morning
straight to make believe
where forever is a time
and death is unheard

Follow the North Star
among the moons and stars
fly with the birds in the night
Straight to relaxation
Straight to freedom

Follow the North Star
simple and easy
close your eyes
and breath in deeply
fly among the stars
to Neverland

You say I am not what you want
I have flaws in your eyes
you refuse to look past

Yet, in the silent hours of the night
when your mind is tired and lonely
you say you love me
you say you dream of me
you say I am what you want and more

But which do you mean, then?
Am I your dream girl
or am I just a placeholder
for issues, you find with me
are too much to look past?

A term that means many things
A love and caring space
Or a nightmare one can not escape

H
O
M
E

Simple yet so much power
just like

L
O
V
E

New chapter
New city
New job

The sea of life tried to drown us
Not understanding
this was not the first storm we had been in

Excite and joy bubble out now
The anticipation holding us hostage
Soon we will be free

And though pain will come again
It can never take away my home
ever again

I thought seeing a copy
was just one instance
but it is happening again
makes me wonder
if this is lifes way
to show me
the people I used to know
are doing well in another life
that their happy
with what has happened
as I never see them again

Oh, to be able to say
you know a person perfectly
and you've just met
oh what a gift
oh what a curse
to stay
silent

Simple action
And I'm out for weeks

My body complaining
With every movement I make

Throw me in a brace
Give me meds to take

Each on only showing
What damage I have done

Maybe one day
My body won't pop

Maybe one day
My body won't seize

Maybe one day
My body won't hurt anymore

When we meet
I will hold you in my arms
Praying that it isn't a dream

Probably laugh and cry at the sight of you
The understanding that all this time I waited
Was so I could find you

I will be filled with so much emotion
that I will probably not be able to speak
but it just means I love you more than I thought

When we meet
I will probably yell about your height
I never want to take my eyes off you

The world will standstill
And for once, I will understand the pain I went through
when we meet.

Bite your tongue
Hold your head up
Waist thin
Hips wide
Cheeks flushed
eyes piercing

what really classifies as beauty
when there are so many rules?