Bite your tongue
Hold your head up
Waist thin
Hips wide
Cheeks flushed
eyes piercing

what really classifies as beauty
when there are so many rules?

She sat still as the night passed
Tears falling down to the ground
Her body a statue in the moonlight
Her mind wondering
Wondering why she must endure this pain
Wondering if she was good enough
Or was this just temporary
to prepare her for the real thing?

I message an empty box
a wall almost
sometimes I receive a reply
but none are continued over a few words

Speechless
confused
frustrated

Now I wait
hoping time will let you speak
so I may know
what your plan for us is

because if I'm honest
my plan
is still us

My dear child
your breath was small
and yet so perfect
you looked at the world with amazement
and it welcomed you with open arms

You were perfect as time itself.

But soon your lungs became weak
and your breathing stopped
Our miracle was gone
just as the hope we had for you

Shattered on the tile floor
just like tears of glass
We loved you
and watched you leave this world

A stone has your name in it now
and one day, when time comes for us
we'll see how much you've grown
and how much beauty
you didn't show us yet

Happy birthday my daughter.

Great ideas flow in the mind
but the struggle to sort them
kills some of them

Getting the ideas clear enough to explain
will **** others

Few make it to the typing phase
but those normally die quickly as well

So what idea is left after the killing is done?

He sits and cries
Tears stream down his face as his voice disappears
They have him once more
The knives and claws punctured his flesh once more
He promised never to return
Sore it on his grave
Yet the sweet taste of the Darkness called him once more
Once more, he fell
Far into the Darkness where no Light can be seen
Once more, the Shadows toy with his sense of feel
Once more, he has grown numb to the pain and agony
Her voice gave him hope
Her smile made him glow
But her sweet kiss is gone
Just like the love she once had for him
He cries silently for her, still
Not knowing her heart is with another
Hope fuels his dreams
But reality steals it away in the morning
When the world comes into view
And he is greeted to the Shadow next to him
The daily pain he swallows
To walk each morning
He will never tell a soul what he feels
The Shadows training completed
Silence takes over his mind and life
His body broken once more
Day by day, he dies little by little
Pretending to the world, he is happy
Pretending to love another
But his heart still sings for the love he lost
When he fell into the Darkness once again
Deep into the Darkness
Never to rise into the light again.

Repetition of those before us
A guide to what will come
So pure and beautiful
Yet can be callous and harsh
A simple thing
So small in the world
But can change it
Even still
An echo of past
An echo of the present
An echo of time itself
Simple yet powerful

Life is but an echo


So what is your echo?

So swift you slither
So sweet you wait
So caring you chase my dreams away

Awaking me in a rush
my mind was in complete chaos
until I realized it was just a dream

Just something simple
that makes me stay awake
for fear of what you will show

darkest parts of my mind
swift and simple action
maybe one day, I will get sleep once more

You run back on my mind
My personal devil
A devil that haunts my dreams

Your touch still thrills me
The hint of your lips against mine
makes my skin go on fire

My body begs for you.
My mind pushes you away

I took yours
and made it grow

You took my heart
and shattered it

A devil that haunts my thoughts
and when you were alone
you wished to come back

not wishing to admit
you burned the only bridge

My devil
My biggest regret
And one thing that will haunt me forever

My devil
My pain

A secrete we both created
now only one carries it.

I should be happy
I should be thrilled

Counting the days off
Till I see a friend

Getting to enjoy simple pleasures
And rediscovering myself in them

And yet
Through all the holiday joy

I'm numb
And drained

Perhaps I do carry the world
When I make everyone else feel better
And don't have enough for myself

Time ticks by
Every moment turning into a memory
Some good, some bad
But all the same
Just a moment we can never get back
No matter how much we scream or yell
No matter how much we pound our fists into the ground
Nothing can change that the moments are memories
And nothing more
Laughs and cries
Giggles and tears
All end up the same in the end
Just a thought in someone's head and nothing more
Time is simple with one power
Even though we curse it a lot
And wish it could slow down or even stop
But it just crawls on
Making us realize how slow it is moving
When we finally realise what it has been doing
Simple actions, simple power
Most hate it
Others tolerate it
Few like it
And share thee same feelings as time
Turning moments into memories
Making time stop just enough to change them
Simple moment, simple memory
Simple action, simple power
Moment to memory
And nothing more.

A fearful creature
A loving friend
We all hate it
And we love it too
It makes us come close
Weather to say goodbye or hello
But it’s a constant reminder
That forever is never
And never is forever
We take it for granted sometimes
And loose precious moments
Or we overdo it
Because we know its short
But everyone still comes to the rose bush
That everyone talks about
And even if it’s once
They stop and smell them
And they reflect in the sweet smell
And think about all the good points they had
And sometimes they make them sad
But we smell it
And remember
The sweet, sweet smell of those roses
Of peace
And time moving ever so slowly

So simple
To hide something
You must hide it
in plain sight

Deep under the obvious
above the known

So is it really hidden then
or just waiting for the right time?

It's fun
As I sit here sipping a coke
On a road middle of nowhere
Just alone on my truck
And I see the planes fly

And as they pass by
I imagine my heart
Is on one of them

For I watched it get one, once
Maybe one day I could see him again
And not have to say goodbye

Sometimes when I sit alone
I sit careful of being seen
Careful of doing something wrong
That is where I feel I belong
Belonging in the spotlight
Where everyone can view me
Everyone can criticize me
Everyone can critique me
Everyone can tell me how
Not to be me
Yet even with all those voices
All the words that circle me
I find clarity

Clarity that I am on the right path
The right path that will take me where I belong
I don't know if it will be where I want to go at times
And sometimes the voices are tempting
Tempting to take
Tempting to change myself for them
But even with all the temptation
I find myself

Even when struggling to walk
More or less crawl
I stand
I breathe my own breath
And I march
I march for every living hell I have lived in
For every little bad thing I had to endure
I march onward
To prove to everyone

Who I Am

I am a woman who will not be tested
A woman who shows kindness
And compassion to everyone
But is a killer with a pen and sword
A fiery soul that burn in the night
And able to summon the strength of a dragon

I march to fight for not only myself
But everyone who has been through any pain
Whether it be by a parent or friend or stranger
Everyone deserves the right to stand
The opportunity to march
Wounded and broken
I march for those that can not

I rather break my bones and scar my skin
If it meant that someone else
Did not have to deal with the pain
I would willingly put myself in front of danger
If the one behind me got to live

Again I sit here
Typing for nothing
Nothing but useless words
From a useless person
Nothing special anymore
Music doesn’t help like it use too
But the feelings are still there
The comments being told
Even though so old
They still hurt
No new scabs to pick at
Just scars
All smooth
Nothing rough
And cant make new ones
Without people noticing
Fights
And screams
Fill the head
The demons came back
The tears sneak out
Through shut eyes
And no one knows
Or if they do
They don’t say
Feeling alone
Scarred of the world again
And no one to lean on
No
Just
Scared to
Scared of judgment again
Scared of teasing
Scared of being forced places
I didn’t want to go
And worse of all
The confusion of why I feel this way
Why I feel this way
Why I feel this worthless
Why I feel pathetic
Why I want to disappear
Why I want to die
Why
Why do I feel this way
Why is this me
Why?

When you read this
my body may still breath

When you read this
my body may be gone

When you read this
may be the next day

When you read this
maybe centries later

When you read this
hopefully the 1's and 0's stay

When you read this
the cite may be gone

When you read this
Time will have moved

so when you read this
maybe you'll be better then me

I lack all drive to work.

the idea to work on a simple paper
gone

My desire to listen to lectures
missing

Everything ***** passion
and leaving me hollow

How long
until I am normal again?

Oh such a feeble thing
Holding life in one's hands

To watch life come in the world
And watch it leave

Such a feeble thing
Letters and words in ink

A mortal body is different
Such strange knowledge in ones mind

If only
If only I could express what this feeling is
If only I could write every thought I have
If only I could write the history I know

It would be so simply, really

Large in shape
Their voice booming
Always must have their way

When I was young
I lived with a beast
who I hated

I swore when I left
to never live in fear again
I thought I was smart

As I found myself
Another beast snuck in
and settled before I realized it

Now I live with a monster
A monster who makes
every day a living nightmare

Despite the relation
I have had with my monsters
I still wish them at a distance

Is that too much to ask
for one night
with no fights?

Such a simple thing
The concept of looking beyond flaws
Understanding a person
Inside and out
Choosing them to cherish and hold
To guide and protect you

Should have been a happy moment
Rewatching a classic
Smiling that I resembled the main character
Laughing that I had her personality

But I didn't laugh
I didn't smile
Because all I saw

Was a little girl, who called her father a beast
And fell in love with a little devil instead

Time draws near
my mind stuck in one time
and present counters it

Formal attire recommened
and I cant get out of my head
I am torn
between what I wish
and what I must

Is this the beginning
or the end of me?
A new chapter
or a final page?

Tradition stats I must continue
But yet I fear
that I can not meet the expectations
set upon from generations looking forward

and here I am looking back

So I ask
which is this
the Begining
or the End?

Unsure about this one
Many before have come
And it not just me hurting when they leave
The first gave me my son
Then he left
The second took advantage of my son and me
The third couldn’t stand up
For my son or me
The fourth had kids
But the anger drove me off
One girl didn’t want to leave
The “Beast” or “Monster” as she called him
It was too scary when he was angry
I took her in
I share her with her father and mother
But now she doesn’t want to leave me
Then there is the fifth one
Much different from the rest
No children, from what I can gather
And beforehand, I was quick to bring my children
But I can see the damage on their faces
When the past comes up
This man makes promises
But I have been made a fool
Too much for my liking
I ask how much is real
And how much is wishful thinking
I am not easy
My life is not easy
And neither are my children
Middle schoolers now
Homeschooled because of the animals
And the training’s
The events interfered too much beforehand
This man said he understands
But how much can I trust
How much is true
In a world full of pain and lies?

Another lie
with a perfect smile

She hides so well
under the spotlight

Her world crashes around
as she dances free

No one can see
the tears she hides

Under pressure
Beaten down

   The one happiness
     is slowly killing her now

          She's such a liar
            hiding under that smile

               as her wold shatters
                 right under her

                              and then



                                                               she falls

She was perfection
A goddess in mortal form
The definition of beauty
and had such a fragile heart

A heart that I dropped
A heart that I cracked
A heart
that I shattered

she watched in horror as I pushed her away
I screamed at her to go away
I told her I didn't need her

She used to come back.
She used always to be there
She used to support me

Once I shattered her heart
She left and didn't come back
and I was alone once again

I broke her because I hated myself.

She carries her head high now
her smile gleaming for miles
her energy filling up rooms full of joy
Would never know I shattered her heart

A million pieces it broke
but in the end
it was my heart I broke
A million pieces
a million tears

and none will bring her back to me

Her screams are silent
Terror fills her mind
Each day makes her fear the next

The doctors only make it worse
only agreeing to one thing
and none can fix it

Genetics made her special
and now it's becoming her downfall
Each day is worst than the last

No one can see the pain
nor will they ever notice how it affects her

She's a little liar
hiding her pain from the world
and not telling a soul what's going on


"I'm Fine."
the perfect lie
to make them stay away


She enters her prison once again
and isolation takes her
as she stands in the crowd

I’m alone
Alone with my thoughts
The bad thoughts
The ones that hurt me
They come at night
They hunt me
When I feel ok
They take my happiness
And leave me with pain
And it comes out on my skin
A red trail
Down my limb
Think red blood
Coming from a single cut
One slice and it's over
But I fight
I fight for a losing cause
I didn’t want them to return
But they did
And now
It’s a fight for my life
Every night
When I’m alone
The thoughts eat away at me
They **** me from the inside out
Slowly
Suggesting the blade
Over and over and over again
“Take it,” they whisper
“Take it, and it is fine.”
I don't want to
I don't want to pick it up
I don’t
But I’m alone
And who would stop me
Would it be something they would want to change if they could
Or would they let me sit there
And fall asleep
No one knowing
Till its too late
“Save me,” I cry
“Someone SAVE ME”
They laugh
They mock me
“Who would save you, apathetic, needy child.”
Until one night
The fight is too much
And they win
One slice is it all it took
But to make sure
There was two
Long thin cuts
And I fell asleep
For good
No one heard me
No saved me
I was alone with my thought
Alone and scarred
And soon was overpowered by the darkness.

Mouth like a sailor
That can cut like a viper
Heart of gold
Surrounded by walls of stone
She can be your greatest love
Or the one you wish never to meet
It all depends
On how you react
Caring touch
Fingers of fire
A lovely dragon
Who does not fear a humans words
Alone at times
But allows some into her den
Few can walk away with parts of the hoard
But those that steal
Soon return what was taken
Few fight the dragon
But the scars on her wings
Show the battles she fought
And though she didn't win them all
She still walks with grace
But all know the one rule of her kind
Never betray the dragon
For a dragon remembers
And humans always taste good when bathed in fire

The music plays
Her body moves
All eyes on her

The attention drives her.
Lust her second name
Her conquests being across all.

Each one thrills her for the night
but leaves her cold in the morning
Her heart aching silently

The prison she created
It keeps her heart protected
but leaves her money as revenge

A man knocked down her walls
understood her pain
Warmed her in the morning

Life being vengeful
killed the man she loved
her passion dying with him

The attention now is her poison
as she lets men have her body
but her heart cold and alone

Once more

You told me  I deserve better
You told me how much you wanted me
You made me trust you once again

And like a pendulum
You couldn't prevent the past from repeating
And now I am alone once more

Empty words
Empty promises
Just another for empty love

I tried to walk away
and not cause a scene
but I was pulled back
and asked for my side

Now a simple report
has gone further then I imagined
Did I really do the right thing
or make a mess of everything?

How far do you climb
to get answers
when you know something isn't right?

Strange
When your mind focus on something
scared to breath a word to anyone

but it keeps finding ways to come up
in the most random of places
form the people who trust you the most

only if they understood
only if they knew
would they still hold you close

or look at you like the monster you are?