I lack all drive to work.

the idea to work on a simple paper
gone

My desire to listen to lectures
missing

Everything ***** passion
and leaving me hollow

How long
until I am normal again?

When I was 11
I wished to die

Simple and painless
not sure about the thoughts

When I was 13
I wished to die

Slow and calm
Something where I would feel myself die

When I was 16
I wished to die

Expecting hospital equipment
that wouldn't save me

A hole in everyone's hearts
A message no one wished to hear

When I was 20
I wished to live

Pushing myself to exhumation
It almost made me lose it all.

My body was too tired to stay awake
A miracle I walked away

Three attempts
21 scars

All gave birth to a dragon
That still flies
despite the circumstances

Its utter chaos
This idea I've had
has now taken a life of its own

Already a name and logo
already spending money
Already for the future ahead

When will this stop?
When can I breath
When do I wake from this dream?

too little time
too much work
The school must come first
for this to work

Soon it will all be over
and life blinked by
but what an exhilarating ride

You told me  I deserve better
You told me how much you wanted me
You made me trust you once again

And like a pendulum
You couldn't prevent the past from repeating
And now I am alone once more

Empty words
Empty promises
Just another for empty love

You run back on my mind
My personal devil
A devil that haunts my dreams

Your touch still thrills me
The hint of your lips against mine
makes my skin go on fire

My body begs for you.
My mind pushes you away

I took yours
and made it grow

You took my heart
and shattered it

A devil that haunts my thoughts
and when you were alone
you wished to come back

not wishing to admit
you burned the only bridge

My devil
My biggest regret
And one thing that will haunt me forever

My devil
My pain

A secrete we both created
now only one carries it.