For those who have left us
Those who couldn't handle the pain
Too the people who kept pushing
Ended they're lives
Too the ones who comtributed to the hate
Made it harder to go on
*******
I travel to the moment they tie the noose
I take them by the heart
I see all their hurt
I cry, I wish I could have stopped them
If only I could have made a change
Some way
Maybe they'd still be breathing
Maybe they would be making changes now
If only the rope wasn't strong enough
Surely they never thought they would do it
Never thought that what was going through their mind was this seriousness
This agony
I feel for the mourners the people who loved
I am a mourner of faceless broken hearts
I want to help
Want to help these kids
Taking their lives
Please let me help you
Please, don't break my heart
I feel that if they leave
What am I to do
**** myself too?
I will not let them
******* my mind
Though quite weak already
I will make a change
This cannot happen anymore
I won't let it.

Is it weird
That you see my hair and think of the sun?
My smile is of fake compliments given by everyone
My kindness bares unconditionally
Though I am misunderstood
Please love me
Though I don't love myself
Teach me
Though I'm to stubborn to learn
Too naive to understand
I want to
No one will let me
Not a soul wants to clean this up
Put together whats been broken for years
I'm sorry i'm not what you expected
I wish I was

Sorry
I don't see it
Don't see the beauty
Don't see the happiness
I'm sick
I am disgusted
I am nothing
Nothing but a gray cloud in the sky
Not even caring to take a second glance
Not worth it
Not enough
You laugh because I am a joke
You cry because you feel bad
I laugh because I can't cry.....
I smile because I can't frown......
Your words mean nothing
Though sweet as can be
The more you say them
The more I am confused with "ME"
I think I was put here to entertain
But if that was true I would have been blessed with talent.
I try and take away whats their
But it always creeps its way back
Makes me nervous
Lets me know
That i'll never be good enough
Never be okay
Always insane
But i'm fine

Of ****
It's that feeling
that you can't quite describe
That pit in your stomach
that keeps swirling around
Like a cat chasing its tale
Urmm this is what I live for
I love it
But i hate it
The anticipation
The fantasies
It's so much more fun too build up
Your going to have too hold me down
*** i'm flying through my imagination
Thinking of the possiblities
They're endless
A stranger
Yet someone I've seen a thousand times before
I've lost myself to fiction
Somewhere between
Peter Pan and Cinderella
I can't control my movements
I'll jump in excitement
Over a simple thought of us brushing against eachother
As we pass by
Nervous yet Invigorated
What will this unveil?

I'm ugly
But not too ugly
not the ugly thats unbearable
I am not the most intelligent
This I can admit
Though I admire those who are
I am not skinny
Not even close
And I strive too only be healthy
I am not happy all the time
Though bystanders may think so
I am ok.
But still besides these facts
I am me
I am a jumble of imperfection
I strive on giggles and slight awkwardness
That keeps your heart beating at an unsteady pace
I am a loud music seeker
I am a lip locker
I am a secret in a box waiting to explode
I am a **** toucher
A star gazer
A lazy walker
A cat lover
An emotional movie watcher
A hand holder
A heart breaker
A friend
I am ugly but not that ugly
I live beneath my strengths
And my quirks that complete me

Stuck between a field of weeds
And a garden of gremlins
You are above
Staring at me
Contradicting, telling me who to love
With thoughts that never end
Interrupting my sleep
Secrets spilling through the cracks of my teeth
It never stops
It just keeps going
And my body will never choose
How many will I have to loose?
Pick a side any side
If only it were this easy
I wobble from left to right
East too west
But yet it only keeps me queezy
My heart speaks to my mind
In sorrow
But brain says there will be a better tomorrow
Choose wiseley before its too late
But I'll sit in confusion
Till I step up to the plate
Infatuation is in lust
But true love has all but disenigrated to dust
What we thought was true
Has all turned around as a lie that was told by you

I don’t consider myself an intellectual.
And this is not one of my aims.
But I admire intellectual people.