Life kicks my ***
I try and keep productive
I try and keep positive
My *** still gets kicked
It gets heavier and heavier
And I know this is life
I know that most healthy people would be able to cope
See the issue and take action
But I'm numb with disappointment
I don't know when I'll be enough
There isn't enough tears
To fill the spaces
That would be filled with a sense of fulfillment
And self love.

I love
So hard
And see the very best in each and every person
Sorry
I should've been less naive
Should've read between the lines
Seen the evil in his eyes
I just see a sad man
A confused mindless man
Whom I want to love so badly
I bleed and bleed in to him
Something doesn't click
And I'm alone and lost
But I'll find my way back
I just thought this time I wouldn't be alone
But maybe, it'll always be this way
It's the way things were meant to be
The way they were supposed to play out
Tragically
No fairy tale ending
Just a desert of sadness
Barren wasteland of a mind
While on pilot mode
Living for everyone else.

And a whole new me
Clearer
Unsolicited
Gaslit
And ready to go.
Sober
Stable
I sit at the edge of the bed ridding my confusion
I'm done fixing myself for you
Done making myself smaller
Sick of losing my control
I am so much more than this
So much more than being high
So much more than another body to sleep with
More than a mother
More than a partner
More than a woman
I'm screaming on the inside
Trying to break these chains
Trying to end this cycle
I try so hard
I'm sick of feeling like ive never been enough.
I'm so much more than enough

Things take time now
And I'm patient
Its hard to mistake
Passion
When all it really was
Was drama
Learning
Introducing
Listening
All new skills I'm obtaining
Slowly
I wanna run through it all
But I remember this
And I think I'll savor it this time
Make it worth while
Appreciate it
Water it
Watch it grow