If I could go back to the past
Would I be able to fix my regrets
Or would I redo
Everything the same
Unable to
Overcome

My biggest obstacle
Myself

How do you tell
If someone likes you
Is there something I missed
A lesson on life I slept through

How do I show interest
How do I let them know
How do I get rid of this fear
Should I just go

I walk a fine line between finding
And losing myself
A few words from self discovery and destruction

When you close your eyes
Where does your mind go
Where do your thoughts lead you
I see darkness

My mind shows me darkness
The worst parts of me
Tells me why I can never be free
Why I won't ever feel

Showing me my past
It guides my ways
Tearing me apart as it stays
Fixated on my weakness

I feel miserable
As tears roll down my cheek
As memories flow like blood
Of moments I couldn't speak

Every open eyed interaction
Only cemented my thoughts
That I cannot and should not
Try

Try to feel
Should not want

My eyes close and I see only darkness

I want to find the joy I once felt
I need the validation
This world doesn't give headpats
It is unyielding in its apathy

No amount of singing or dancing will bring rain
Just as no amount of praying will end pain
I am truly alone when I am with others
For it is there where I lose myself

There is a disconnect in me
Something not quite right
I should be feeling fine
Maybe I've built up a resistance to my happiness
Like a drug