I fear the thoughts I have inside my head
They whisper words like blades
That cut me where it bleeds
Make me wish I were dead

I think I feel for you
I would bleed for you
And I don't know why
It doesn't feel like I know how to

I don't know how to love
Or feel a certain way
I'm only learning to feel
I don't know what to say to you too

I'm just trying to feel

red veins like a thousand roots feed the nerves
of my eyes that see beauty
for beauty is in the eye of the beholder
my eyes beholden only you

cavernous, the chambers of the heart echo your name
blood like a river carries the sound
to the ear canal, where you softly whisper
giving love where none was found

Life is a sick joke
Cruel to those who strive to be kind
I want to know
How do I see when I am blind

Am I supposed to believe
Let someone else take control
Of my life's reigns
Feel good inside my soul

Should I discard my feelings
Memories I hold dear
Leave  my judgement
Out of existential fear

I am a drop in a barrel
A sheep in a herd of cattle
I don't belong to this tribe
I don't have the right vibe

I distance myself
Out of fear of judgement
I know I am broken again
A caricature of man

A larger than life mockery
Of the human condition
I am a slave
To my demons' inhibition

When does the doubt end
I need to know
I'm asking for a friend
When do we get to go

When is the tour of hell over
Is there a stop at the end
Does it get better
Or is it just another blend

Pain tastes different now
No longer stings
It takes away the edge
It makes me feel things

Thoughts no longer my own
Feelings that should have been outgrown
An ache I cannot find
A lingering string of words on my mind

I don't know what hurts
Loneliness is a dull pain
Fear a torrential rain
I don't know what I felt first

Regret is a killer of dreams
Rejection fuel on the fire
Flames burning brighter
With sadness it seems

I have lived a timid life
Fueled by my weakness
Buried by my fear
Killed by doubt

And I see those around me
Scars telling tales
Lengthy stories of loss and fear
And I can't help

I can't relate
My life has been without
And I feel helpless
Weak in the face of true cruelty

Why has life dealt these cards
To those so undeserving
These beautiful cracked portraits
Filled with potential

Leaking out sadness
Only through cracks
They radiate smiles
But I only see the sadness instead

I want to reach out my hand
Take theirs in mine
But I am not enough
I will become enough