Like tiny lintel beans full of light your skin shines across the waves of your smile.
Like tiny glimmers of hope I'm captivated by my sensation my intuitive fixation on love.
Like a pirate lost to sea I fall in love with the ocean when I never had sea legs to begin with.
Glimmers are reflected.
Like your taste in music and taste in habits and taste in speech and distaste in me.
Glimmers given false hope to sailors tormented by the sea.

And I didn't know perfection existed until I met you. And I didn't realize perfection was a lie until I left you. Congrats on teaching me 2 new things I'll never believe in.

Or should I say 1 because I already knew perfection was an afterimage chased by conceited men.

But I didn't know love was a mirage seen in the sand by shipwrecked sailors no longer able to return to sea.

But I'll chase perfection because I'm a dead man either way.
And I'd rather see your reflection in these mirages because they're the closest I'll ever get to love.

Who was it?
There was someone always here...
I forgot them again...
I've been so focused on myself.
I've been so self centered and egotistical.
I forgot your name.
I know I love you.
I know I miss you.
But that's all I can remember?
I hate this feeling.
I know you were with me through everything...
But now you're gone again..
I've forgotten you.

Love come back.

I think the reason you said no.
Was because I was so unsure of my certainty.

What if on that night I told you I was in love with you?
Would these steel seams melt away?
Would this collection of misguided dreams dissipate in the rain?
Would you have been mine and everything would've stayed the same for the years that've passed us up and locked away our inner emotions?
Would you have ever felt that way?
Why did you ever tell me you loved me the same.
Because since then all I've ever wanted is to kiss you the way we kiss in my dreams.
Or my nightmares I should say.
Cause every time I day dream about you I think I'm in hell.
Forced to remember all the good times we buried in those hollow wooden caskets sealed tighter than any imagination I've ever had of runung away. Sealed tighter than my hopes when they sunk to the bottom of the ocean each day you found a new suiter.
A new body of warmth and comfort because no matter how many times I loved you at my most.
My most was never enough.
And what does that say about me?
How am I supposed to breath?
When I wake up to a decreased oxygen tank you've pocked tiny holes into so I couldn't breathe.
And I don't want to breathe
Knowing you'll never be with me.
So maybe being the shoulder to cry on is all I'll ever been.
Cause you'll never see past the dreams and realize our beauty.
You'll never see past the outcast
Of our short lasted opportunities.
Like little white lies told when knitting.
Its just now that I'm seeing with my own eyes, why the thread is becoming undone.
Because this sweater of love you knitted me.
Was just a pity gift amongst throw aways you've hidden beneath.
And what hurts the most is knowing you've never lied to me
You've never intentionally hurt me.
You've only accidentally crushed my soul.
And for that I'm sorry.
I truly can't take anymore.
So take me back to that night we ate sushi.
The rain pelted but our voices made it seem like butterflies dancing in the spring.
Window wipers were a distraction to block out awkward air.
And I could've said I love you.
Right then and there.
Please take me back to that moment of serenity.
Because now my emotions are just reasons for you to forget me.
And saying I love you.
Never let's me sleep.
Annie

This voyage.
This wonderous emporium of unimaginable feelings has come to a trifling hault.
The natural hot springs dried up.
And like ever bristle on a tooth brush my feelings have been plucked.
Just my luck.
And maybe it was never the tell tale of an oceans sigh breathing down my heart
Signaling an alarm of emotion ships to sway down a never ending voyage of teenage hormones.
But maybe it was my belief of kept unharmed untouchable innocence treated as untreatable waters for a no mans land to reserve the perseverance perceived child like humor and gestures adults lack.
I'm left sorrowful as the sun without any civilian's to share its rays.
But more like chimney smoke releasing toxic fumes into my mind not realizing the damage they've done to the ozone layer of my heart.
When alas the ships have returned to a now land known not.
And feelings of once no mans land, yet to forever be forgot.
I'll have missed that long journey's trip that tore apart my heart.
And made me an adult.



-I miss falling in love sometimes.

You wanna know me?
Well that's just great.
On second thought I think I'll stay here,
And emancipate.
From this cage filled so thick
With millions of lies that chose to be disguised as flying birds staring at the outside.
Wishing for escape.
Well lay that to rest my dearest
Because the way it's going right now,
You'll never be set free.

A continuous concord of concurring events.
Draining me of my relevant reoccurring drowsiness.
I wake up in the same bed,
Twisting and yearning for the day it'll all end.
Waiting for the repeat of this tremendous cycle that cyclones with no remorse for the living or dead.
But at least the deceased have a grave for them to rest.
Meanwhile I'm stuck here trying to live in my head.
I share a room with two voices both mutilated and demented from the cemented walls I've put up to defend.
Those who claim they know the secrets to an ally cats fight.
Will surely know the secrets to how I end my flight.
By derailing this inconclusive inconvenienced inclosable train.
To a sanctuary I can never find so instead I submerge in my pain.

Acceptance.
An empty highway filled with joy.
The pieces of the sky that hold it together, so when the clouds don't form it won't fall on everyone's heads.
Echoes.
Shouting from the top of the mountains,  OBSCENITIES that involve no second thought, because there's that much hope put before your vocal chords scream that tune of free expression covered by the waterfall.
Warm hands.
Soft, quiet hands, that speak thier own language. Innocently and unknowingly.
Wilfully selfless yet triant.
Deceased.
Frail to the touch,  every bone in your body whispers.
Every moment SHOUTS,
Love without a conscious.
So it becomes natural and just.
Glow, radiate, expire, aspire, hope, joy, feel.
Feel. There's nothing more important.
Be true to yourself.
Hold that dear like if not for as much you'd freeze in the snow at the daybreak of summer.
To catch yourself before the world sees you cold.
Be free.
Express it please.
Love.

Everybody loved her and I didn't understand why.
She was a klutz a jester,
That laughed to pass time.
And I was annoyed of the world for reasons not known.
Maybe that's how I feel for her,
Because her laugh was like mine.
And I never knew it until I picked her up for our first ride.
And she was free like my imagination of adulthood.
The car ride was quite with my voice.
But riddled with her laughter.
And I was so confused,
About whether it was genuine or plastered.
So I cleaned my head and the car ride was still.
Until
She felt comfortable enough to share with me,
The world she had built.

And all I want to know is your world.
If you'd let me explore it.

I got home and messanged my friends

But I guess I didn't realize I wanted to share my life with you not with them.

And it made me hold my breathe.

Realizing you were all I had.

So I guess I have nothing left.

My sister once told me that I get way to attached way to easily. That my feelings get the better of me and my emotions control me. That no matter how many walls I build to keep contained the brittle gentle flame of my youth. The sadder the reflection of my frame takes the bitterness of my soul away to play a game making me wonder if I even know me anymore? The bodies buried, mangled and contorted. Like the demons who fought and crought and stick and stay and say PLEASE OH PLEASE DON'T LEAVE OUR PRESENCE WE LOVE YOU TO MUCH TO MAKE AMENDS WITH THE PEOPLE WE'VE BURIED IN YOUR HEAD. The people who didn't deserve such distasteful discipline. The people who wanted to help you BUT WE PUSHED THEM AWAY because you only need us. And forever we'll make sure you stay. So don't ever again tell us how to do our job. Because as long as you live you're heart will always fog. And create misty air to confuse your mind. From truly seeing free from the desolate time. So take your brittle delicate self and move it somewhere else FOR I HAVE NO TIME TO DEAL WITH A DISOBEDIENT IMMORAL  SELF INFLICTING CHILD. WHO'S EYES GROW SORE DUE TO HIS OWN MILD. EAGERNESS TO LOVE AND LOVE AGAIN. TO LOVE AND LOVE AGAIN. TO LOVE AND LOVE AND LOVE AGAIN AND AGAIN. Quit letting yourself be fooled. I won't always be here. To take the blame for you. I won't always be here to push away. And if not for me you wouldn't be sane. Sure I'm your demons living in dark voidless hollow caves. But I'm also your conscious that takes all the blame. And when I'm gone. Who will help you keep sane? Maybe the loved one, so never let true love fade away. Not today or tomorrow. Nevermore be afraid. I love you but I can't stay. My sister once told me that I get way to attached way to easily. That my feelings get the better off me and my emotions control me. So I told her, oh yeah? Tell me a different story. Because I already know how this one goes. How it plays out and holds how my self contemptuous thoughts reallocate configurative  degeneration to demesmerize my surrounding location and fill a hole for joyance love to live. So maybe you're the bitter one and I'm too sweet.

In the moments when silence is fueled by adrenaline and instinct. Words thrive the most,
Cornered like animals hiding from prey.
And in a world fascinated by the less adequate beauties gorgeousness is not hard to find.
But when I see you my passion is silenced and beauty is all but mute.
So when we speak the words are natural the adrenaline is gone and the world is no longer gorgeous.
Because its lost all its beauty to you.

I guess my mirage of happiness was twisted by the turn of a switch. Or it could've been my urge to make someone besides myself the happiest, because to be direly honest, I was tired of being alone. But what I didn't realize, is when you shake hands with the devil you leave behind your soul. Or your love for anyone, because everytime I looked at her I still felt empty. And by this time nothing changed, I wasn't apart of love. I was apart of a game. A game played where the demon has your soul, to mend into a benevolent role, of frenzies feeding from your energy. And I'm sorry I never meant anything. Its just I didn't want to try when trying would've got me hurt. And I guess patience teaches you something. You never truly know someone until you see both sides of them tearing apart your dirt-y, heart free, body. Your eyes can never reach my soul. Because our blissful moments of happiness could never mean anything to your role,
In my lyfe.

Do I reply back?
Or do I let go?
Why are my emotions so out of control?
Why do I see ghosts every time something goes wrong?
Its like there's a sign singing me a song.
Its like there's an island out there,
Buried with treasure.
But I'll never find it.
Cause I'm buried in elusive pleasure.
I'm blinded by what I don't have.
Its like a mirage in the sad sand.
Its like dead birds plummeting to the ground.
The sad part is I can no longer hear the sound.
Of the music calling to me.
**** IM TRULY LOST AT SEA.
PLEASE OH PLEASE
SOMEONE HELP ME!
I HEAR THE SIRENS ECHO SOUND
THEY'RE ONLY GETTING CLOSER TO SHUT ME DOWN
TO SINK MY BOAT AND CRASH MY LYFE.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'VE DONE THIS TWICE.
TAKE THE DROWNING FEELING FROM MY HEAD.
AND SINK ME UNDER...
  
So I'm dead...

Goodnight,
Close your eyes tight,
Like how i closed my hopes when you said goodbye.
I'll close my eyes tighter when the times right.
And every time I fall asleep. I'll realize I was just falling in love with your shadow in my dreams.

I'm not going to even try.



    -David Leviathan(The Lovers Dictionary)

I think i rushed it
I think i blew it
Sky high and right when i thought i knew it.
It was too easy.
To fall in love.
I should've seen it and learned from my past.
I didn't mean to make it rush. 
I just was so tired of being alone.
I wish i could tell you these words.
I wish things were different.
I wish i learned.
I wish it was different.

I used to be so sure about love.
I used to know what my heart wanted but now it seem I just run from.
Every chance I touch someone's skin,
Its just poisoning me and letting hateful thoughts sink in.
And I don't know what it's like to not be crushed everytime.
And I don't know what it's like to not be hurt every time.
And I'm starting to question every night,
Before I sleep.
Is love alive?
Or is it just me?

Hey beautiful.

Whoever you are my heart belongs with you.
I'm sorry I'm numb now.
I didn't mean to it just seems life's given me no other option.
I know your smiles out there I've seen it a thousand times
And a thousand more times I'll see it again.
But when is it truly yours?
When will you ever return that feeling of love to me?
Of lost love.
True lost at sea.
My true love return to me.
Before I die wasting away to this rotting world feeding me.

Return me to dust.
Benefit my lust.
Or joyful adventure of this journey so called "love"

Return me to dust and the wind we sweep me away.
Let my ashes remain.
And not a single one of them lie in your hands that were ever colder than mine will ever be.

Even in death.

So I'll leave you with this letter.
I'll give you all my love and hope.
Knowing you deserve better.
Knowing heaven is your door and I am the one stopping you from ascending more.
Because you were my angel.
You were my ticket.
You were the reason I never saw the sky as a limit.
I kissed it  
Every morning.
I accomplished the impossible like you were the most probable thing I'd ever cherish.
You were the sun and I was the moon and there's no way in hell I'd ever have currents.
The decisions I've made make you feel worthless.
Even when all I wanted to do was make you feel the earth surface.
I wanted too see you shine.
I wanted your love twice.
I wanted so much but I'll have to settle with the mice.
I'll have to settle with every mistake I've made.
I'll leave you the key so you can bury this case.
So I can leave this place.
So you never have to live with my mistakes.
I love you.
I'm sorry.
Goodbye.

And maybe a goodbye is all I'll ever miss.
And I'll offer you these words instead of one last kiss.
And I'll offer you these secrets like lullaby's.
So you'll have something to sing you to sleep besides my tears.
And I've now bestowed upon your crescent shaped ears.
A love I'll never find again.
Parting with you was my greatest fear.
Now I'll die alone like all those sailors that sung you to sleep.
Just before they realized you were a siren hidden below the deep.

So submerge me till my head is buried long beneath the tidal waves of our hearts lost desires.

And mend my flesh like I knew you would when I opened my heart large enough to let you swim in it.

I just didn't think you'd set fire to the ocean but you conquered the impossible to me.
When I realized I still had room for love.
So thank you for sending that rush to my blood. One last time.
No let me close my heart again, to the ocean deep.

At this point titles are worthless.
Like my feelings to you.
THROWN UNDER A BUS AND LEFT IN MOTION.
Or at least that's where you've left me.
And I can't imagine this world voiceless.
Or without the lack of your voice in my head.
AND I'LL BE DECEASED EVERYDAY,
BUT I'LL NEVER REALIZE I'M DEAD.
Remove these agitated curses I live with everyday.
Since you left.

DISSECT ME.
RIP OUT MY CORE AND BELITTLE THE MOMENTS I HELD IN REJOICE.
I'll realize what came to me as special when you leave through that door.
Not that you even entered my home but that you left it open.
And the hinges will remain unclipped.
Like EVERY WORD that leaves me lip.
CAUSE AT THIS POINT WHAT'S EVEN TRUE. I'M NOT SURE
WHY THE **** DO YOU GIVE ME FEELINGS WITH NO CLOSURE.
GOD ****** IM SO HURT.

I'm not trying to hate you but I wish that this would all just go away floating too much in the air and stirring around messing up my hair it's ******* with reality and time so you been messing with the way I look at the floor when I look at the walls I see demons crawling from the creeks and the cracks and they're not yours but they're mine and they're coming back this time it's different I don't think I can stop them they're consuming me but that's okay I guess to you it's not like you mattered from the beginning so I guess I'll just be consumed.

Trust tears quicker than it can be built.
Like my decisions to love you or adore you.
And there is a difference.
I could adore you for every moment we spend together.
But not love you the moments we're apart.
And I could love you for every time I hear you voice.
But never adore you when we're apart.
And I wish I could choose to love you.
But its never that easy.
Because I won't let myself be fooled until you show me your heart.
So right now I adore you.

Because you come in the hum of a familiar song.
It's always at night and it lingers just to terrify my fright.
I'm not concerned with how it sounds, but why it won't go away.
Why most songs I know refuse to leave and only worsen when they stay.
It's never intentional but the lack of intent it inflects and infects the left over flesh I have revealed from these wounds left.
Because if I wear my emotions on my sleeves then there's not enough skin left to even bruise.
I don't hold the past far above my head,
So I don't understand why I believe parts of me are dead.
I just know when I was with you is when I felt so alive.
So why can't I seem to feel that way again.
So it's all the same and I listen to the past to feel the pain, but my nerves don't react the same because I live in the present so why won't the pensions dissolve I have resolve I got it solved I'm sick of this hole.
And the candle burns at both ends.
Mending the emotions and the forgetful notions of hopes sent.
I just wish I had answers, but the more I ask the more I have questions.
It seeme like life wants me to stay guessin, or at least I can fool it and pretend.
By learning nothing and staying silent and bearing this suffering when I hear your song end.
So it never does.
Even after I fall in love.
Maybe all wounds heal the same way, but others tend to stay longer than they'd like to explain.
Because being in love with you was a vacant room, I lived idly through day by day.
The warm colors were the only other reasons I had to live for back then.
When food had no taste, but your lips stained my face and I could never hope to find that same place, or purpose in anyone else.
So please don't leave a stain.
Next time I let someone in I won't beg them to stay or throw a parade when they say our times up and the only love I'll leave you with is lies.
So I'll part my finally goodbyes when I've grown and shown you all that I'm no longer.
Founder and stronger.
I choose to live in the present.

You're touch reminds me of every other girls touch before.
That's why I'm not gonna chase after you.
I know what the feeling of being lied to is like.
And it rubs off of your hands every time they brush mine.
I won't fall for this again.

Like my sense of smell. Like my sense of nature and nurturing that you never gave me.
Senseless beatings that you left me with.
Sentiment intimacy that you didn't mean.
Hurt pointless meanings.

It was all in bad taste.  
It was all for your sake.
And I've hated it since the day started I've been lost without a pace.
And you can't seem to keep one.

Cause you lost your taste.

I've run our of reason to care
There's not much of a point for anything anymore.
Everything seems so mute of lost pursuit I'm not in the mood to deal with life.
I can't handle this love these fights.
I'm starting to lose sight of what's wrong vs what's right.
Not that I ever had a good vision to start with.
The lines are blurred and my time is stirred.
I hate the way I feel,
Alone and empty.
I don't know what it'll take to feel the same way, before they left me.
For now I'll forget the feeling.
I'll ignore the fore warning the message the epics.
I'll try to forward a future.
And hope I can see past this hate.
Even if it's destined to be my fate.

When the timings all wrong I'll know it's write.
Like the vows in your name.
Please be mine.

I Just wanna love you.
With endless meadows of color.
While the hills are green.
And I'm staring up at my brown eyed lover.

Let's be happy let's be together.
I just want to give everything.
To have her forever.

And it hurts so hard sometimes
Knowing I can't hold you,
Knowing it's not what you want.
But I just wanna love you.

Please tell me the harm in that.
Because this hurts so real.
I'm touching the sun
I'm touching but I can't feel.
And my fingertips are scorched but this loves surreal.

I just wanna love her.
I just wanna love her.

There was a taste on my tongue
There was a rise in my gut
There was a scent in the air
There was a goodbye I missed somewhere
But from who?
Has it been that long?
I loved you whoever you were.
Come back because lately I've forgot.
What's it's like to be me...

I want to start this out by saying
What if I mess this up?
I've lost what made me so sane.
And my ties to this earth have left me.
At this point how can I even consider?
I've become so latin and so bitter.
I know she wants to see the good in me.
But I've been rotting in a shell for a thousand years.
So please just let this work.
Because I'm tired of the tears.

I like poetry that's what I told her that's what I told him that's what I tell everyone it's what I live by its what I'm greeted by  but it's also what nobody sees sure I'm a poet but what does that mean?

On the days I give up just know my reflection holds deer to the moments you can't see yourself .

They say singing is a reflection of your soul.
Maybe that's why I'm a terrible singer.
They also say writing your problems on paper is a way to let your demons out.
Maybe that's why I never have anything good to write.

Call it off.
Call it off.
Call it off.
And you sit the through it.
You tolerate it.
Your pain brings regret and sorrow.
Reborn from ash like the days gone tomorrow.
And your pain is your comfort and your comfort is your pain.

And you'll never TRULY MOVE ON.
UNTIL YOU RID AWAY THE DAY.
AND YOU WRONG YOUR RIGHTS BUT YOUR RIGHTS ARE ALWAYS WRONG.
AND ******* FOR THINKING NOTHING WOULD GO WRONG.

AND **** me.
Oh god **** me.
And maybe this is my torture for being this way.
MAYBE I deserve all of this for being INTOLERANT.
Voiceless
And over all.
Weak.
Because my false strength is  tormenting me until this day.

Help me smile again
The inks running thin while the sun sets and pins jab at my head.
A needle was never found in the hay stack so it just sank in my memory bank.
The lakes, the streams, the rivers of endless memories of you and me.
The chemicals released when you kissed me.
It was more than nothing like lava flowing, scortching everything in it's path.
Like my whole body was turning to ash and I was just waiting, melting slowly.
Help me smile again.
On the otherside of the rainbow,  nobody knows the sights as sore as your eyes the night we fought for the first time.
And the butterflies flew, even with clipped wings.
It was a never ending storm,  signaling for the light tower in the thickest of fog, the ray of hope never peaked its eyes or ever hollard for a sign of life.
We sunk that night.
And i think im still drowning.
Calling for land, searching for signs of life, hoping to grow wings like the birds alluding nearby land, before this wooden life raft gives out from underneath me.

I used to have a dream about being incomplete.
Then I met you.
And I  haven't had that dream since.

I'm moving away today and I'm not coming back.
For the people I love,
The people I live for,
And the people I've lost.
I'm saying goodbye severing my earthly tie.
No matter the denies,
I receive.
But if leaving was never my initial goal.
What pushes me?
The empty void that's sat here and toyed with the emotions I don't have.
I'm no longer annoyed by the simple tasks lyfe demands,
Because they're all the same to me.
Although I lack the necessary motivational pact to move on.
I'm moving away today,
And not coming back anyway.

I had wishes of me and you in the future.
I had many beautiful dreams and actions that now falter.
I'm not sure what to feel right now as I am with most things.
If anything it hurts to feel right now. So all I can do is ignore the pain.
You were everything I wished for and more.
You were life itself before opening that ******* closet door.
I had high hopes before drowning on these high seas.
Now I only see the negative things wrong with me.
And I know it's not about being better.
I just know its about your ***.
I get that maybe I'm being selfish.
I just wanted to give you everything I don't have yet.
You filled me with motivation and my heart rises to your sunset.
But now you leave my earth.
And I'll cry as this everlasting moon sets.
Good bye my sweet alibi I'll live with you forever.
I'll always remmeber the time.
When I thought I could have you forever.
I guess for now I'll just love the sky.
Hoping it rains acid.
I'd rather disintegrate slowly, than be hurt and remember false passion.

Why the **** am I alive.
What the **** is my purpose.
*** is my existence.
*** is my worth.
Can I just give my ******* life away to someone else?
I don't ******* want it.
I don't ******* need it.
I hate it.
Someone else out there can use this ******* life I'm wasting.
Can I just give it to them?
I'm so ******* tired.
I can't find a purpose. And when I do YOU ******* take it from me.
I ******* hate you and I hate myself and I hate this world.
Please ******* take me away and switch my souls.
Return me back to soil.
I'd have more value as that. Please I'm can't ******* do this anymore.

Like a flower who wilted away.
Now again do I exsist for the purpose of exsistence sake.

I will never lose to you again.
You who are without care.
You who are despicable.
You who take without nodding. Without looking. Without giving so much as a glance.
You will never get the best of me again.
I will never lose to you.
I know your game.
I know the seeds you plant.
And you. will die. And I will see to it that I am the one who buried your hate.
I will be the one to rise above you.
And all that you incarnate.
You are evil.
And I will overcome you.
You are the world.
And I am coming for you.

An empty room.
Like pressing pause on a movie the picture is still.
But there's no control over the scene with a remote.
Just paused.
Sitting alone.
The silence grips the back of your throat but you elate.
It's not the feeling of chocking but the feeling of something you've been through a million times.
Familiarity.
You're not scared of the paused screen.
You've been here before.
You're going to be okay...
You're going to be fine.
I promise you.
No matter how loud the hallway gets.
How distance that checking feeling grips.
It will eventually. fade.
If you're willing to let it.
Dont be the illusion.
Be the present.
Dont feed the conclusions.
Feed your own personal heaven.
Sit. Listen. Fear. Every thought.
Every slice of hatred. Every tinge of emotions that shoots through your head. And let it .. live. Not control you, just let it breathe. Let it exist. The pain, the hurt, The love, the hate. Let it go.
You'll be okay.. I promise.