I've talked about this before

Staying up on those long nights

Looking at a knife that I wanted to put in my chest

I knew that I would go to heaven because I knew Christ

I also knew that I would hurt a lot of people

People I loved

I also knew my life was a gift and it wasn't mine to take

I remember the constant pain

Thinking I was worthless

So don't you dare put that gun to your head and pull the trigger

If you feel like doing this to yourself

Message me

I don't care who you are or where you've come from

If it means your not the next suicide that hear in the news tomorrow it's worth it

So don't you dare pull that trigger

No matter what you think there is always someone out there who loves you

I will stay up with you during those long nights

I don't care who you are I love you

Not with an American objectifying love

Or a conditional love

But with a brotherly love

The Love of Christ

If you pull the trigger

There's no going back

You were given a life

A purpose

Your life isn't yours to take

It's not about us

That is the first step to looking past this hateful world

To humble ourselves

To see that it's not about us

That is how one can be saved from Hell

Where did it all start?

The shootings?

The riots?

The sky rocketing suicide rates?

People started living on anti depressants?

It started when the ten commandments were taken off school walls

It started when kids were told that their lives had no more value then that of gold fish

It started when we didn't give the God who loves us his proper praise

It started when we threw Christ out the door and said we can make it on our own

It started when people decided they wanted to live a life of their own

They decided to throw the way of life that protected us to the wind

Our lives became the worst they have ever been because we have abandoned God

When I hear the whispers in my ear

I just want to duck in fear

Because I don't want to hear that sweet voice

When I listen to that call nothing feels more bitter then it's bite

So I'm just jumping into a fight

But the thought of giving up the fight and giving in

Makes my stomach feel like a flying kite

To hear the call of those ancient Gods

Maybe I didn't give them up

The apostle Paul said that the hearts of men walk astray

I just didn't realize how deep the roots of my evil heart had grown

So now its time for my heart to burn

Burn the roots of evil

It was written we were supposed to be Holy as he is Holy

Yet my heart is not

My heart yearns for things of the past I thought that I destroyed long ago

I give those gods up for good

Because the next fix that I get

Won't come from this world

But from the God of love

Why do we operate off of what we feel

Nearly every teenage relationship works off what is felt

What does self get out of it

You see any relationship can't be what I get out of it

It's what can I give

Who ever seeks his life shall lose it

Who ever gives his life shall find it

How hard are you willing to fight for her?

How long are you willing to stand with him?

It's time that we grow up and think with our minds

Not like children who throw people in the trash because they're sick of looking at them

But people who see other people as precious

I was thrown into this pit of darkness

This is a lions den who are ready to strike

Day after day they pounce

I'm covered in scars and blood

I can't fight these lions on my own

They constantly wait until I'm at my weakest

Then they drag me to the ground

I'm tired of fighting these lions

I wish I had the faith of Daniel

Who got on his knees and prayed

I wish I had the courage of Caleb

Who never doubted his God and followed him without question

I wish I had the strength of Samson

Who killed 1,000 men

But none of these men walked on their own

These gifts were given to them by God

Dear God

I'm tired of losing vigilance

We are always blind

We begin to find

We can't think past ourselves

We can't tell others about a God who loves them because we're so busy, wrapped up in our own needs, our own wars

I wish we as a nation could look past our selfish selves

And look to the God who made us

It's about Jesus

It's about his glory

Not ours

When can we look past the depression and this society of mass suicide and look around at the grace and forgiveness that was given us

We're so busy looking at our own wars

We don't bother to look at the one happening in the person right next to us

He sent us into this world to spread his message

He sent us as warriors

Soldiers

To penetrate and pierce the horrors of this world

We were called to work together

As a band of brothers and sisters

What do I do when my brothers are shot down

And my sisters are set on fire?

A time for love a time

A time for sorrow

A time for forgiveness

A time for joy

Some times it's hard

Bullets in your back don't heal like jack

We can still choose to love

Not just the one who shares your heart

Friends

Family

Brothers

Sisters

They are all part of your love

I wish I was who they saw

"Someone Important" is what they say

My friends only see one side of me

Some spiritual person who gives advice

I wish these skeletons were ripped out of the closet

If they knew what you knew

They wouldn't want anything to do with me

They would turn their head in disgust

Ok

Maybe they wouldn't but I wish they would

Because I can't even look at myself in the mirror without wanting to spit

I wish they saw more then the surface

Cause the higher you raise someone

The higher they can fall

I realize my voice carries farther then I want it to

I don't ever want to sound self righteous like I'm someone who matters

I'm just a filthy bag of bones full of filthy bones

I wish they could see more then the surface

I could take what this world has to offer
I could live for the late nights
And wake up throwing up with guilt
I could take this world
That feels so good
That looks so good
That tastes so good
Or I could be dead to this world
I could live for my creator
Even if I stand alone
I will stand for him
I am dead to this world and I am alive in him

Without love

I am nothing

If I don't hold true to my God then I will die

If I don't study the scriptures everyday

If I don't open my ears to his teaching

I WILL DIE!

If I don't obey my master

I WILL DIE!!

If I open my door to Satan

I WILL DIE!!

I must not allow Satan to crush me

Don't allow him to crush you

I remember what it was like to be lost

I remember running as a young child

Thinking about how many problems this world has

I remember thinking I was going to do something about it

I remember when I began to grow into a teenager

I felt a spark light in my soul

I didn't know just how big of an explosion that spark would cause

I remember staring into the eyes of the lifeless

Speaking the words of life

I remember fighting those long nights

Fighting thoughts of suicide

Wrestling the demons in my mind

Jesus overcame

And I forgot

I forgot his power

I forgot the fire

I've prayed for a revival in my soul

Like it's God's fault or something

You see I did a whole lot of talking but not much listening

I will stoke these dimming embers in my soul

I will let them grow

I will carry this fire in my soul

I will Remember

Some days I struggle with my heart because it constantly wants to part. Some days i wrestle with my pride and my temptations. I wish these demons inside me would take physical form because i would cut their heads off. I would rather fight forever in the physical realm then in my heart. These demons tear me apart. Some days i would feel like dying. Some days i would be too choked up because of the pain that i kept up. Some days i picked up that knife and thought about ending it all. Some days i never wanted to wake up. Struggling with the anxiety and depression. Afraid of what i would become. Tired of living but i knew taking my life would be sinning and i knew deep down i was created for something more but right now i feel so poor. I was created for more than just the average joe, flipping burgers and selling fries. Maybe that's why i struggle so much is because i know right from wrong and it was never easy doing what's right if it was we wouldn't have any problems in this world. I can't say i always did what was right because i know that sometimes the wrong can feel so right but it's not right. It's a fight. The depression and anxiety try to eat me alive because sometimes i wonder if i'm able to do what i was called to do. The truth is i'm not. On my own i will get owned. Whenever i tried to do something on my own strength it blew up in my face but whenever God put my hand to something i was unstoppable. So i'm gonna do my best to flow to the rhythm of his drum but sometimes i lose the flow and all i feel is cold. When i think about the life i was called to live i sit back and think how can i do this. In reality i walk among men as a giant but on the inside i feel like a coward trying to hide from his duty because of fear of losing. I was called to stand for those who can't. I was called to speak for the voiceless. I was sent to advise the crushed and the wounded. I can't do this on my own, maybe that's why the thought of self destruction enters my mind but it will never happen because that will mean the devil won and i let my savior down. I don't like to lose so i'm gonna finish this fight till someone puts this body into the ground but that won't happen until God allows it. That's ok because my life will never be about me because it never was about me i'm here to glorify my God but everyday i fail him. To Isis and other haters of the followers of Christ. You won't win this war. No matter how many bullets you fire into our skulls, no matter how many heads you take, no matter how many graves you dig. You will never win because greater is he living in us than he who is in the world. He is mightier than you could ever imagine so i hope you will repent of your wicked ways and join us because Jesus didn't die on that cross for just me but for you too. Jesus is victorious.

So many describe my God as a God of peace
Or a God who was once a God of war
The truth is
My God is the greatest warrior this world will ever face
He fights for His people
He loves those who reject him
He gives his people a life worth living
He gives them hope in their desolation
He is the God of War

Strange

Too serious

Too committed

Bigots

Fundamentalist

Old fashioned

These are some of the names that I receive

For what?

For speaking the truth?

If standing by Biblical principles gets me killed then it will have been worth it

I cannot remain silent

If I don't speak out to billions running straight into Hell then their sin is on my head!

If I don't warn them then I appease men

I must appease God

I cannot remain silent

Homosexuality

Adultery

Lying

Stealing

Gluttony

Hate
­
These things are what takes most people away from the truth

Some hate change

Some hate conviction

But I must tell the world

These false gods cannot satisfy

They cannot save

Only by the love and grace of Christ can one be saved

So I must hold by these principles that I hold true

I cannot remain silent

I cannot be quiet

I MUST SCREAM THE GRACE OF CHRIST!!

The world must know

The only way to salvation is through humbling oneself

Laying down their old gods

Accepting that this life isn't about us

Tell the world

Don't remain quiet

Don't fear the ones who can destroy your body, but fear the one who can destroy your soul

Speak out

Spread the word

A couple thousand skirmishes

Till the last finish

Satan thought he had him

Turns out he got torn limb from limb

The Christ overcame

Yet so many are quick to pass the blame

What a stupid game

The God incarnate came to save us

When we were just putting up a fuss

A symbol of hope

But there's no rope

How are you gonna climb this tree

It would be so easy to run and let it be

But then the impossible becomes possible

The strength of you makes the possible unstoppable

Even when the tree has been climbed

The glory is not mine

It is thine.

Almighty God

Today another life lost

How many more lives will it cost?

Before we realize all the things we shouldn't have tossed

Get the 10 commandments of the walls

Let everyone live like they want

Cause man is just another animal

So why be formal

Get the rules out

But didn't the founding fathers say that the only way to win a bout

Was through religion and morality?

And didn't Reagan say that Christians were the key to keeping America great?

Even Washington knew his place

On his knees before God

When morality and religion were thrown out the door

More people send a bullet into their core

How many lives will it take before this nation

Gives up it's god of pride

And falls on it's knees before the God of Love

Living

Going day to day

The same old same old

Living like a paper airplane that was never folded

When I don't talk

I lose track

I fall out of tune

It's hard to talk sometimes

When I don't know what I'm feeling

I do know

It's hard to live

Without a word

Where has faith gone

We only have faith if we walk unhindered

If no one stands against us

But what if we stand alone against an army of 800 men

I know my God is with me and he will fight for me

All I must do is call upon the God of grace and he will be my strength

If I walk in his ways and not mine

SO RELEASE THE 800!!!!

My God is with me

The Bible says in the gospels
The disciple Peter walked on water with the power of faith
When he lost sight of Christ he began to sink
The waves looked to high
Too big
Too intimidating
I wasn't called to walk
I was born to run
I was born to one day lead my wife
I was born to lead my future children
I was born to stand for whats right
Sometimes I lose sight of Christ
Sometimes I begin to sink
Then I remember
I was born to run
I was born to run on nothing but faith
I was born to run through the waves
Sometimes I begin to cave and it makes me sick
Then I remember that I am merely a tool
Sometimes I feel like one of the prophets
By all means I shouldn't be here
But I was born for more
And I wish it was something I did
But in fact I should be the last of God's choice
Why he decided to use me I don't know
When I meet him
I will ask out of wonder

I can't tell you how many times I want to say

If you saw me for who I am you would never want to stay

I doubt I'm the only one feels this way

But Jesus doesn't see us this way

He saw every thing we ever did wrong

He knows every little fault

Every little lie

Every lust filled night

Every bit of human filth that fills this world

And he saw it through a different pair of eyes

He saw what he loved

He sees through eyes of love

If not there would be no reason for the dove

Jesus eyes are filled with love as he looks at this world filled with filth

He saw what he loved

And he came to save an evil world

That He loved

I wish I saw people through those eyes

You see those demons that torment you day and night?

You see how close you are to jumping off that cliff because you feel that you will never be enough?

You see the lies the world shoves in your face

This world's full of dealers dealing out lies like they can actually satisfy

Don't go to the false gods that leave you hungry for more!

I don't only say this to the few who may read this but right now my mind is screaming it to myself

DON'T LEAVE UNCHANGED BY THE POWER OF GRACE!!!

The power of Grace is Hope

Jesus came to give us Hope

HE CAME TO SAVE THE WORLD!!!!

PLEASE FOLLOW HIM SO THAT YOU MAY BE SAVED!!

Don't follow the lies of pleasure, fame and fortune

Walk in the hope of Grace

You may live in a shack made of cardboard but if your hope is in Jesus Christ you will be satisfied!

Feed on the words that give you access to power

That allow you to see past the smoke and mirrors that composes this suicidal society

PLEASE DON'T READ THIS WITHOUT THOUGHT!!!

PLEASE READ THIS AND BE CHANGED!!!!

Pray to God

Follow him

Cling to his word

You will be hated

But nothing can ever stand in the way of the reckless and powerful love of our God

I know the one in whom my hope rests

Maybe I'm just preaching to myself

But even so please know that I am a sinner

I hope you forget who wrote this and remember the words that were written

Follow Jesus

AND LIVE!!!!

I wish I could do better

I wish I was better

I wish I could be enough

I wish I didn't constantly replace my God for pieces of rock

But you see

I have this problem that I struggle with

My heart is a heart of flesh

It follows after the shiniest things it sees

It is prone to wander

When I speak I try to mean it

It breaks my heart when I don't practice what I preach

I'm covered in filthy rags before a mighty God

But when I told how I felt

I meant it

Sometimes I joke and say things that aren't serious

Sometimes I just try to dance around my feelings with a quick joke

Sometimes you ask me how I'm doing

And I dance around you

But you have a way of pulling the truth out of me

I just want you to know

That I meant it

I'm tired of breaking it

God when I step across these lines

It keeps getting easier to cross every time

Father

I'm so imperfect

I need your forgiveness

You have blessed me

And I keep breaking conscience in two

I take those promises I made to you and crack them over my knee

You give me grace

And I give you these ****** hands

I dropped my guns

Gave up the fight

My fire is dimming

Dear Jesus

I'm tired of fighting you

When I should be fighting these demons

Yet I join them

Please forgive me