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Jay M Jan 2023
Enclosed, hesitant and delicate
Petals fallen upon cold, hard floors
Leading you down, oh the sights
Blissful memories, candles flickering
Trace along the walls
Corridors long and dark
Follow the light, the path
Guided by desire,
For soon you shall see

Enter, dear one,
Cold hands meet,
Visions delightfully greet,
Sway and turn
Spin, then darling,
You shall know

Embrace a timid frame
Neither quite the same
Visage soothing, tender warmth
Entranced in the moment
Far greater than merely such
Beyond sight, beyond words
Intertwine, collide,
Flow in a ripple of stars
Radiant care and passion
Together we burn
Candles in the moonlight
Ripples of stars
Evermore we are bound,
Only in moonlight to be found.

- Jay M
January 31st, 2023
Jay M Jan 2023
Humans, how strange
So many, too many
Everywhere you go,
Everywhere you turn,
There they are,
There they stare
Stare into you
Watching your every move
Never letting you be

Ever present, ever invasive
Surely as ever, many abrasive
Manipulating, twisting, talking
Chattering away their complexities
None know what they speak of
Only one another, and none more

Surrounded, what can I do?
Surrounded, suffocated
Invisible grip around my throat
Heels fly across concrete
Aching, ever sore feet
Run, run far away
Quiet escape, hideaway
Alas, where shall any be found?

- January 26th, 2023
Social anxiety is truly terrible. People are frightening.
Jay M Jan 2023
Fallen into madness
Descended into the void
Voyage into the faded
Encapsulate me,
It encapsulates me

Eyes dull and dreary
Voice unsure, and weary
Other times flat, monotone
Even as polished stone

Awake as in slumber
Mind but a dull roar
Full of fog, and mist
Something of a swamp

Seep into the ground
I am buried there
Sink into my bones
Perhaps then they wouldn't be so cold

Unfeeling, no sense upon the keys
Words seem but strange suggestions

For what is time?
Unending, unbending,
Yet curved and looped as string
Jumbled together, tangled

Float with my soul
Float in the waters of the world
Scarcely tethered, held by a thread
Adrift, we are adrift

Walk, forward we move
Into the vast curiosities

Speak, speak to me
Tell me things, knot of words
Decipher them, my brain might
Slow to process
Mull it over
The strangeness of it all

Flesh, it is chilled
Ice to the touch
Cold, they call it cold
But cold is a feeling
One, in which, I lack
Deprived of physical sense
Touch my hand, take it,
I feel only bones.

- January 17th, 2023
Jay M Jan 2023
Sitting there
Supporting a friend
Dropping the note
Handing it over
To him...

For a moment
Things are okay
All is still
Then
The storm breaks loose

Standing
Bash it against the wall
Punch it, over and over
Then storming away
Pulling off the covers
Throwing it aside
Bolting...

I walk
Away
Hide
In the bathroom
Lock myself in the stall
Cornering myself
Curled up
In a ball
Of fear and confusion

This is the world we live in
This is the way things are
I feel it
Hitting me
Knocking me down
Like a wave

Where are my feelings?
Inside,
Finally showing through
It kills
I destroy what once was

I said I didn't feel it
He felt it too much
I broke him...
I broke him...

Covering my ears
Half an hour later
I am found

"Kid? Kid?"
"Hey, I found her!"
"Hey, it's okay, it wasn't your fault."
"Come here, it'll be okay."

Held by those who love me
This cause
The hurricane
Is loved?

I had a feeling in my stomach that I hated
Hearing it made it lurch
He promised
He wouldn't try
But there they were

They stopped it
Held it together
All let loose
Ran, bolted
Eventually brought away
Safe...

But what is safe?

Just promise
You won't try again...

Just promise
You'll be okay...

Just promise
You'll move on...

I know he'll never read this
Never see through my eyes
Even so
I care...
Just know I care...
I'm sorry...
I just couldn't live a lie

Crippled by who I am
And what I have become
What I did
Ended
It almost cost a life...

- Jay M
May 20th, 2019
(technical errors, oof)
Jay M Jan 2023
Hello, how are you?
Kind stranger, kind friend
Gentle smile, talks worthwhile
Just here and there,
Somehow you find
Just the right time
Spur of the moment
Folds and smiles
Spin as I go

You’ve got this,
Oh sweet reassurance
Lift up the spirits
Dance in the rain
Sing in the rays of light
Speak with me,
Gentle stranger, kind friend
Speak with me,
Open the door
Open the window
Open into the beauty

Whispering breeze
Gentle swaying grass
Dewdrops glisten
Secret worlds of wonder
Reflect across puddles of water
Reflect in your wisdom
Vibrance of a compassionate soul
Visage calm, delicate gateways of peace
Effervescent luminescence
Warmth, inviting embrace
All is well, all is well

- Jay M
January 5th, 2023
Jay M Jan 2023
Red and black
His coat of checkers
Red and black
Songs and sleep
I try to count sheep
But he lingers, his coat of checkers
Imprinted in my mind
Soft and warm
Safe and sound

The pieces, they move
He made his, I made mine
He made his, and I made mine

Checkered sunset,
Fade as he walks away
Fade from view,
But not from mind, no,
He won’t leave my mind

Games played, moves made
It was made to end
Designed for one to win
Maybe at a time I thought it was far
So far away, but it was there,
Right in front of me,
Maybe it was mental chess,
He’s got me in checkmate

Checkered sunset,
Fade as he walks away
Fade from view,
But not from mind, no,
He won’t leave my mind

Words in my throat,
Choke them out,
I’ll take my time,
He’ll take his,
That’s all we have
It’s all we have

Cover my eyes, he’s still there,
What am I to do?
I don’t know what to do,
I lost, it’s done,
Yet here I am,
Here I will always be

Checkered sunset,
Fade as he walks away
Fade from view,
But not from mind, no,
He won’t leave my mind

I don’t wanna be this,
Pathetic dreamer, sad songwriter,
I don’t wanna be this,
Bringer of pain, I’m a bringer of pain
His and mind, I’m sorry

Falling through time
Dreams of vermilion fade
Back to the wall
Head on my pillow
He was the dream I had to believe in
Now a sunset, daily sunset,
I only catch glimpses,
Then turn away
I turn away, walk away,
Fading into the night,
Fading into starlight
I am only starlight
Glimpsing a checkered sunset.

- Jay M
January 4th, 2023
Jay M Dec 2022
I was your crimson beauty
Your vermilion wish
Hold me as I burn
Your secret little fire
Burn, burn my letters
Burn, burn away the sins
As you burn the memories

Vermilion wish,
Crimson beauty,
Are you real? Are you real?
The way you make me feel,
You made it seem so real

What once was
Shall it be again?
Memories so vivid,
Colorful delight,
Arrangement to estrangement,
Will my memory then die?

Burn, burn my letters
Burn, burn away the sins
As you burn the memories

Vermilion wish, vermilion dream,
I know you are real,
You mean so much to me…
Now I don’t know, I don’t know what to do
The likes of you,
Left a reaching hand
Reaching out, reaching out…

Walking out the door,
Didn’t turn to look,
But I did, I did
As you left the room,
I turned back to look,
I did, I did

Burn, burn my letters
Burn, burn away the sins
As you burn the memories

I understand, leave the open flame,
Open heart, let me bleed,
It’s okay, I’ll be okay,
Maybe not today, give me time

I was your vermilion dream,
And you were mine,
Still you are, still you are

You burn away, burn away my sins
I burned away yours
All was open, it’s still open,
Just for you,
Vermilion wishes,
I keep them alive for you

Hold me, I hold you,
Never meant to last,
But I didn’t see the end
Just wasn’t looking,
Maybe I just wasn’t looking

Space, it’s yours,
Time, I’ll always give you
As much as you need,
It’s okay, we’ll be okay,
Okay?

You burn away, burn away my sins
I hid them in my skin
Far beneath, but you see through
Right through me
Through me like glass
Through me like glass

Vermilion wishes,
Songs secretly sung,
Hold my words,
Hold them in your hands
In your heart,
Keep them there,
Reignite them when you need
Reignite them when you need

Burn my letters,
Burn, burn away the sins
I was your vermilion dream,
Your vermilion wishes
Steady now, steady now
You are real, it was real
Dreams can always come true
Reignite them when you need,
Reignite them when you need
Your call I will always heed

It’s okay, it’s okay,
Reignite them when you need

You burn away, burn away my sins
I burned away yours
All was open, it’s still open
Just for you, just for you
Vermilion wishes,
I keep them alive for you

I was your vermilion dream
And you were mine,
Still you are, still you will be
Reignite it when you need,
Steady now, steady now,
We’ve got time, whenever you need,
Your call I’ll always heed,
Just for you,
My vermilion dream.

- Jay M
December 9th, 2022
This is a song about two people, a ballad if you will, and how their arrangement came to an end. But, the person whose perspective I wrote from didn't see the end of the arrangement coming. They are hurt that it ended, but they understand why, and don't hold any ill-will towards the other person. In fact, they leave the offer to pick up where they left off on the table, but perhaps if things were to go back, then it would be taken more slowly.
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