It's midnight
and I can't stop
thinking
about
it.

Toss left
turn right
flip the pillow
just one more
time.

It's One in the morning,
throw your leg across a pillow
and leave it hanging
for a slight breeze
cough once
and a small
sneeze.
And I still can't find
sleep.

It's now Two
and I can't help but try
to run simulations in my head
on how not to
die.
It's a game
it's all it is
I think I found it
a way to...
nevermind.

It's Fifteen past Three
I wake with a jolt
something about bugs
or something just as distressing
but once again
its my sleep that I'm
missing.

Four in the morning
I've but an hour left for any chance of decent rest
I toss here
and turn there
**** it all
it's already
Five.

Some how I find it
a bit of reprieve from my torture
but I wake to my alarm
it's Half past Six
time for work.

And I'm still
missing her.
What have I done...

"Don't judge a book by it's cover..."
Well why ever not?
When today we search for appearance and appeal
the imagery must be
ideal.

I have a problem
with trusting people
it's as simple as it gets.
I tell them all a fanciful story
and I have them all in sets.

Every person
a mask
and a story sold to boot.
I find it better to leave an imprint in the sand
than let a seed take any sort of root.

Does it keep me safe?
Does it help me at all?
No and no and you'd be right
it will only be my downfall.

****** analyze it as you will
have at it
have your fill
but until you can crack my case
and spit it all back to my face
I'll introduce you to my shadow
the only thing about me you can chase.

Physical pain is fleeting,
but shame is eternal
especially
for one such as me
who's struggles are kept
internal.

What whips and lashes
spikes and prods
could do to skin
could never hurt so much
as the whispers said
from within.

Reminders of our past
are the heaviest chains of all
the most bittersweet echo
the only one we answer to
when ever it may call.

Shame is the gateway
to a path of self destruction,
for no matter how many walls you try to build
they will do little to offer protection.

Live with it you must
but not forever, dear
we made our mistake
oh look who's come to join
it's our old friend
fear.

The hardest part
of a Nomad's heart
is the intoxicating lust after
adventure.

Nothing that money could ever buy
nothing that no other love could ever satisfy
than for someone with a Nomad's heart to see the sky
and want for
more.

The Nomad travels light, only carries what they need
And everywhere they go
they plant a little seed.

A small dream that one day
they will plant their roots
and have something magnificent grow up in while they yet live
but to a Nomad's heart
a seed for where they've been
is all that they can
give.

So travel on Nomad
may your feet and heart never tire
may your days be long, and your nights be cool
and may you always chase that everlonging
desire.

A fool of a tool is only good for one thing
and that's to be used.

Meant to be a helper to everyone
but everyone just helps themselves.

So useful for the moment
until the moment has gone away
when everyone has left
the tool, still, must stay.

He knows his worth
isn't in weights of gold
his only hope
is to still be useful
even when he's old.

What the songs of Solomon meant
when he sang the songs he made for his lovers and wives
a touch so unique, a touch that changed lives.

What it feels to be loved
but still feel so empty inside
like giving your keys to someone else
and you're just there for the ride.

What it feels like to be needed
but if only for a moment longer
to have that moment of ectasy
but couldn't feel any
wronger.

In perspective
forget yours or mine
forget the times where we were scared
but it all turned out fine
I could not imagine for a day
living with monsters.

Have you heard the news
the low whispers through out the night
of how a family of children were rescued
from parents that caused such fright?

I could barely contain my anger
my rage and frustration over it all
how can we still have the dignity
to still have the humanity to call them parents at all?

What happened to us?
What happened to being observant to the pain
where we stood up to monsters at night when the children cried
now we're more than willing to simply let them
die.

What happened to us?
There were signs, surely!
Why did no one say a thing
why did no one say ANYTHING?!

"But you weren't there
none of you understands"
You're right I wasn't
but an answer still, my question demands!

These children despite their age
have been forgotten
to the point of their adulthood
this boggles my mind
it could not be any less understood.

I work with children
I've helped raise a few
I was one myself
as I'm sure you were too.

How could no one suspect
that anything was ever wrong
how could we have let this
go one for so long.

I'm not sorry for my anger
my frustrations at all this
I'm just sorry
for the childhood those children
all these years
have missed.

Living with monsters.

Brush off the old scrap book
come closer and come see
what it was like
in a life before I had become
me.

Long ago
as a sprouting lad no older than yourself
I had dreams to go to the moon and beyond
though I couldn't even reach the lowest shelf.

I had dreams
ambitions
I had hopes to one day become
to be something greater
to be greater
than some.

I had an easy life
all things I needed
I had
I was always well taught by my teachers
to tell others of how I felt
during the happy times
and the sad.

I had the best of friends
that helped make some of the best times of my life.
They helped me out in the inbetween moments
of my joys
and my strife.
Not all of them had stayed in my ever fleeting life of mine
but I still had the best of their memories
the best of their time.

My memories are not as clear and sharp as they used to be
the ones I do remember are so blurred that it saddens me.
I can not remember the dimples in their smiles
the pictures I have left do them no justice in my files.

I can no longer recall the sweet sound of their laughter
I can no longer recall the precious memories that I long after.

Have I forgotten even their names
yes, sadly it is so
but friends we once were.
This. I do know.

So friend of mine
I hope we meet again soon
by the swing set
by the jungle gym
under the tree on the hill
at noon.

I am blessed enough to have met you once before
may I have the fortune to see you again
just once more.

May the years be kind
to us merry few still
left here to live our sorry lives
through the pain, punishments, and trials
we are left with our tattered faiths and
an unbroken will.

May the years be kind to you
old friend of mine and ours
may you see the world from new sights
below the deepest oceans
atop the highest towers.

May the years be kind to you
may peace reign over your soul
may age never change you ever more
and my our lives be led with you
with your surprises in store.

May the years be kinder to you
then we have ever been
we who had called you brother
we who called you kin.

May the years be kind
for troubles no more, shall you ever find.

Rest easy and Ride On
be comforted heavenly clouds
ride the trail of the sunshine down on this little patch of dirt
and listen well to the chorus of the Angles' song
And forgive us.
For our wrong.

I'll jump and jive,
leap and dive,
I'll do all that I can,
to keep our hopes and dreams
alive.
Because you're worth so much more than I could ever make
you're the color to my world
in every breath I take.
And when you get angry
you sure work up a storm.
I know your days are long and hard
and all the times outside the norm.
But keep your head held high,
chin up my dear.
You are my superwoman
my only one of every year.

You can't keep going on forever like this
You know who you are
and you know what I mean
You've tried to hide it
You've tried to fight it
You've tried to run away from it all
But despite everything you've tried
You. Still. Hear. Their. Call.
The voice in your head
that says you should drop dead.
That little devil on your shoulder
that makes your heart grow a little colder.

This isn't the way to live
No not in the least!
Aren't you tired of fearing for your life
From this dreaded beast?

Stand firm and tall
Put down your arms and lay down your shield
Slow down my friend. It's time to yield.
This fight, you can not hope to win alone.
It's as useful as bashing ice chips on stone.

It's time to ask for help
It's time you told them what you need
It's time you took the time to help yourself, not out of selfish greed.
It's time my friend. To start feeling free.

Don't you dare say later.
Not eventually.
Don't you dare...end up like
me.

Here we are
a page to settle in on
our once silent thoughts
finally put into these special arrangement of letters
into these meager words that we hope will adequately describe
everything.

From the feelings;
such as the greatest joy of becoming a father
as he holds his little girl in his arms for the very first time
when he so wanted a boy, he could care less now
without reason, or rhyme.
He swells with a pride that none could ever take from him now
as the tears well up in his eye.
Yes this one special moment
he would not let anyone deny.

To the places;
There she sat atop of the largest hill
the only hill around, in fact
that would over look the valley of rolling knolls
as she watched over her flock of sheep
she watched the galloping mares
and listened to the whinnying of foals.
She felt the breeze as it slipped between the tips of the tall grass surround
she thanks the Lord of Hosts everyday
for this spot she's found.
For on top this sturdy rock, on this high, high hill
she sees her peaceful village down below
and takes the breath she's been holding
knowing for just moment
she can finally be still.

And the people, oh the silly, beautiful people;
There they were
this merry band of friends.
They have been there despite their dubious beginnings
their rough starts
and all sorts of wrong footing.
Stronger than steel
and closer than kin
years of friendships has shown to them
that kind of love will always win.

So here you are dear reader
with a voice in your head
reading every line that there is
I think the lesson is quite clear.
You belong
right here.

Steal away
softly, gently, quietly still
into the night you must go
to where, with whom, and when?
No one must know.

Steal away, steal away
time is of the essence
in all of its presense
you command the very nature of the night
you walk the silver line
between the dark and the light

you shift like the shadows
that flirt around a candle's light
you tease all that is seen
and trick even the sharpest minds
the eyes so keen.

Into the night
yes I shall go to meet you there
in the only place I find my solace, my rest
my care.

Where all is nothing as it all may have seem
I shall enter where no others may trespass
I shall go yonder there
in this land of dream.

They're the ones you call
your brothers and sisters of your heart
that when people see you
they can't tear you apart.

They're the ones you call
through your best times
and through your worst
they're the ones
that's been with you
through it all.

They're the ones that have a clear shot at your back
and you sit there wondering when it'll come
that fatal blow, that vengeful attack
but just as true friends do
they'll slap you in the face
to make you wake up
to see what is true.

They'll say what needs to be said
be it words of comfort for the soul
or a harsh reality that needed to be told.

Good friends
are good for the soul
take heed good advice
lest you pay the toll.

You probably know
What this poem is about
It's probably generic
Of that I've no doubt.

But what you don't know
Is her.
And why it's her.

She's the breath of fresh air
That puts the wind in my sails
Even if it's all just hot air
It's her love that never fails.
Impossible, I know
But it isn't love for me
But to the Lord it goes.

And when she smiles
It's like the seeing a sunny patch of snowy fields when the clouds have gone away.
So blindingly bright
And reassuring in every way.

It's the touch of her hand
On our walks through the park
It's the feel of her so close to me
When the world has grown dark.

It's the way she laughs
Like bells with a tune.
It makes me crazy
To wait for the next one soon!

The way she chooses a different shampoo
The smell of flowers, nature, or anything really
When I say "I just like the smell of you"

And it's the face she makes
As soon as those words leaves my lips
It makes my head spin in circles
Leaving me on trips.

She's wicked smart,
Smarter than I'll ever be.
She knows it too
So she always tells me.

She'll say all these words
And these numbers so fast
I struggle to keep up
I feel left in the past!

But you wouldn't know her
Just quite the way I do.
You know all about this poem
But not enough about her, do you?

There couldn't be enough words to say
In this short life of mine
I tell her this every time
But she'll simply shoo me away.

And when she gets angry
Well button down the hatches boys
Cause as I live and breath
we'll be in for a doozy

So watch your step
And step right this way
We hope that you enjoy the show
Cause I'll have more words to say.

No, you wouldn't know her
No, not the way that I sure do
But this ring in my pocket is killing me
Cause I'm scared to finally try something
New

What these pictures hold
that these aging hands can not
is every hot wind the beat my brow when I tended my garden
and every refreshing breath of wind that blew at my back
to get me going again.

What these pictures hold
that these lips could not
is every refreshing sip of sweet lemonade tea
or every scalding cup of blasted black coffee.

What these pictures hold
that you could not
are the emotions that I felt
when I held her hand for the first time since I confessed my love
when I smelled her hair and nearly died from her perfume
Heavens Above!!
And when I nearly lost my mind with every nag she let free
but nearly lost my breath every time she said "Yes" to me.

What these pictures hold
that you wouldn't ever hope to hear
are the laughter of friends and their stupid jokes
all the fits of rage from all the annoying pokes.
You couldn't begin to explain the surmounting welt of pride
when you stepped into a fight
with the best brothers you could ever have, standing by your side.

What these pictures hold
is something that could not be so simply retold.
So go on and take a look
take a gaze into this old and withering book.
For I've lived a grand life
with no regrets to leave behind
It's for your sake that in my past
your own future
you'll make your own, and find.

For what these pictures hold
my dearest friends reading this now
is not an explanation of why I lived
but how.

What Pictures hold
are more precious than precious gold and gems
they are the last of leafs
before the death of an aging stem.

What Pictures hold
that hands could not
is the last laugh of a friend long missed
but not forgot.

What pictures hold
is the wave of emotions that was once felt
that night the two lovers met
whose chance to meet
was on a friend's bet.

What pictures hold
are the pieces to a puzzle
that grows ever larger to ever explain
even with faded colors and a frame so plain.

These pictures
scattered among the floor
is the last gasp of breath
before the closing of a door.

They are the windows to a history
that was once unknown
of a peoples' children
that now are grown.

What pictures hold
could not be explained in one word or two
such a mistake
would just not do.

These are what the pictures hold

What pictures hold
are the memories that even hands could not hold
they are the raw emotions that couldn't be remade
they're the words left unsaid
even after the colors have drained and left to fade.

What pictures hold are the last twinkles of those eyes
after they've closed for good.
They're the happiest memories of our friends and family
the ones they wished for us to remember them, as we should.

They're the good times
they're the worst times
they're the pictures that could end the peace and start a war
or speak of unspeakable beauty and shake humanity to its
core.

These are what pictures hold that even hands could not
these thousands of words that could be said
if only they were not forgot.

They're the first sparks to a raging fire
or calm waves of a gentle sea
these are the last of the windows
to a fading memory.

Go on and resist
go on and make my day
your corrupt and twisted sense of justice
will never succeed anyway.

How hypocritical of you
to fight violence with one of the same.
How two faced you are
always shifting the blame.

You can't stay still
and yet you demand a change
yet there you are
still the same.

Your corrupt sense of morals
attacked an elderly man in a wheel chair
Your ignorance for reason and debate
won't allow for opposing thoughts
to allow room for voice there.

You whine and complain
shout and pout
throw a fit
a tantrum
just because
things won't go your way.
Step aside children,
and let the adults have their say.

You've lost all credibility
you've all gone insane!
Instead of preventing it
all you cause
is pain!

So do not expect mercy
do not expect pity
do not expect anything else
then a lesson so plain.

Step out of line
we'll reintroduce you to it
you're the muck of society
we'll show you where you fit.

In the Trash.

So go on and burn a few trash cans
break a few windows of stores
we'll all be waiting for you
this is our promise
of course.

There's a world,
that you'll never know
if it's only to
the little i-phone's you all go.
You stick your nose
so close to the screen,
it's so small, that tiny thing
yet some how when you have it,
you're never to be seen.
Your eyes, and smile,
have gone from this world.
You've traded a life
for a shelter for all the feelings and turmoil you squirrel.

What kind of life is that
living in constant fear and misery
what kind of life is that
making sure everyone knows about me?

I'm no saint,
no farther from the truth could that be
I just think there's a bigger world out there
for me to live in
for me
to see.

Across the lands of what once was home,
over the seas and through spans of time
I did roam.
I searched and searched both far and wide,
with neither a hint of direction nor guess of a clue,
I was lost in the wild with out guide,
not knowing what to do.

So across the skies I flew,
and over rolling hills so plain,
I came across a little hiding place,
where my wandering thoughts did entertain.

I came upon a camp,
with creatures scattering this way and that,
to find such a hidden wonder,
on a land so plain and flat.

My friends, my family, my comrades in arms did they all,
arranged themselves into rank and file
at the mention of the call.

There they are.
There they stand
so proud and tall
I remember them now
I remember them all.

Their lives all well lived
some more than others they might say
but I remember them still
who they are to this day.

Brighter than stars
they shined in this world
brighter than stars
did their lives unfurled.

They twinkled so brightly
be it day or nightly.
Playful and carefree
that was how it used to be.

They were...
when it was.
But no longer are they.
the world isn't as it used to be.
We knew there had to come a day.

Reality took hold
and reared its ugly head.
One by one
Death came by and choked out their lives
and the stars I used to look up in wonder...
are all dead.

Now by the flicker of a candle
they all hold in mourning
in these ancient halls
and faded painted walls
are memories in want of restoring.

Brighter than stars
they used to be
brighter than stars
they shined so brightly.

Anger within
and never without
here I sit smiling away
when all I want to do is shout!

All this pain is festering in me
like kidney stone so large,
I've got a riot act ready to go
sign me up, I'll gladly lead the charge

But as angry as I am
at life's cruel fate.
I know I can't live forever
on nothing else but hate.

I've love and sorrow
all within
and without
I am a cesspool of emotions,
a human
no doubt.

Plain as day
within and without.

What I should have said was
I'm mad.
I'm madly in love
with the person I call my friend.
I'm as mad as a hatter
no silver lining will do
no, no lining at all
in my love for you.

I should have told you before I left and went away
maybe now there would have been a chance
but too late now is the day.

I should have said that
from the very start
and now weary am I
and sick at heart.

I hold but a sliver of hope
that you'll still remember me
only time will tell now
will I tell you then?
We will see.

I do not want honor.
I seek no fame.
I'd honestly rather not have anyone
even remember my name.
May the actions that I do,
may they never be retold
may the future of the generations,
never know the horrors behind my curtains' fold.
Let me speak to my God
and tell my ancestors just this one last time
that I lived my life with pride and with all due diligence
and I was happy
was that such a crime?
I wish not to be remembered
as neither hero nor idol claim.
I only wish for the future of generations
to be blessed all the same.
May they grow in peace
May they learn in love,
May they practice what they preach
and learn from the wisdom up above.
I may not grow old enough
to feel my weary bones creak
but when I finally go,
I will finally have that peace that I seek.
I am the restless wanderer
forever wandering upon an ocean of stars
seeking comfort among the people and the land,
rather than behind the telly or their bars.
May I
but a humble creature on a this blue ball we call home,
be granted God's glorious Mercy
of which I am undeserving of.
And receive just once more
something akin
to His ever patient love.
I am the wanderer,
forever I shall be.
Do not look as I pass by,
do not remember me
aye my dear children
let me rest
and rest in peace.

I do not like this job
no not one bit,
I do not like this job
no, in fact, not at all!
I would not work this in a school
or in a pool,
I would not work this in the hall
or at the mall!
I do not like this job
no not at all!

16 hours prior I worked until my mind and hands were numb,
3 hours of rest later I return to duty
and feeling all the more dumb!

Favors on favors
to what end do they accrue,
When favors on favors are stacked against you?

Either give me rest
so that I may do my best,
or sit down with me
and pay the fee
but my patience, do not test.

Come often the days
that I think about her
come often the days
that go like blur.

Come often the days
that I can not recall,
Come often the days
that do not feel so tall.

Come often the days
where the seasons come to pass,
come often the days
that are so precious and fragile like glass.

Come often the days,
yet not often enough,
they will come and go
in a hurry and a huff.

Not enough time
to do as I must,
to say what I need to say,
to the people I trust.

Come often
the Days.

I don't care to admit
that I was stuck between
my dreams and reality
something between a haze and insanity.
So listen well,
to this story of my heart.
But where, oh where
Do I start?

From the beginning I suppose
would be best
to tell you a story of a young man's quest.
See, when I was younger, the prime of my youth
I was in search of something
something akin to the truth.

Of what it would have been like
to be accepted as a person again,
in another strange place
when even stranger people back then.

You see, this was all way back when
back in my university days
when I had few cares in the world
and when I had much more...of a craze.

So days go by
and friends I would make a plenty.
Yet even so,
I had felt so empty.

Now mind you, I've never felt any happier still
being surrounded by such an awesome loving atmosphere
and the friendliest folks you could ever meet, if you will.

Skipping the details of my life
in essence, at the time, I came to realize
I had been searching all this time
for a wife.

See I didn't want a high school fling
which was all for fun
but not for the ring.
I pride myself when I say
I am not that kind of guy.
So I suppose I can say why
I felt so lonely inside.

In my uni days,
surrounded by lovebirds so sickeningly, maddeningly in love
I had once treated with disdain and disgust
but if only to hide the embarrassment of raging jealousy
through my lack of trust.

Skipping ahead a few years now,
aye, years has it been
oh and how.

I often wondered of my dilemma between my dream of mine.
A wonderful, beautiful, lovely dream, that I can scarcely define.

With the voice of an angel,
skin as fair as one expects one to be
with a joyous compassion, that could make anyone happy!
She has a smile that could light up the world on the darkest of nights alone,
she has one of those smiles you could hear over the phone.

And can she sing! Mercy me, why the greatest choirs couldn't possibly hope to trap her voice! As the sun does give man the comfort of its warmth and bids the plants to grow
Does her voice bring the deaf to hear and the mute to speak GLORY BE!
She is the like the youth of my life,
free, innocent, and ever so happy.
She brings joy to everyone she meets
where ever she may go.
She follows her passions, her dreams, and her faith for sure
for all of this and more, is one of the many reasons why I adore.

But even after so many seasons,
and so many reasons,
I just can't bring my self to ask this dream of mine,
I just can't ask her what I need to say,
I just can't ask her...
to stay.

She is a dream that wanders in my life
like the tides of the ocean blue.
She floats in my mind like a dainty bauble
so pretty
so true.

But she is a dream I just can not reach
so dreaming
will have to do.

This is the dream I know
and I know one day
I'll have
to let
her
go.

In the face of adversity
in trials and tribulation
I find my self wondering
just who or what could be my salvation?

In the face of battle
in strife and depravity
I find my self looking
for anyone else else standing with me.

In the face of defeat
while certain and impossible to stop
I will not hang my head low
my bitter tears I shall not show.

I may sweat, and I may bleed
but in the end of it all
I swear by my honor in life,
and glory unto death,
I will be freed.

I try to do right
by as many folks as I can meet.
But every other turn,
I end up in defeat.

I can't put down my foot
on any subject, matter or cause
and turn the other cheek?
Feels like a heavy sock to my jaws.

I am burdened by loyalty,
and tasked to capacity.
But still they ask more of me?
What should I have done?

"Yes ma'am, Yes Sir, three bags full sir."
I signed a contract, and away with my rights
I'm too placid and too eager to please
to pick out my own fights.

I should have said no,
I should have not went, when they said "Go!"
I should have left when I had the chance.

Now to face the music
and go on with this dance.

It's hard to forget
the times we had
the laughs we shared
and all the things we did.

All the questions we asked
and the hell we raised
and the times that made you
so special.

It's hard to forget
who you are
and how you did the littlest things.

It's hard to forget where we went
all the adventures we had
and the things we've seen and the people we met along the way.

And why.
Why you did what you did.
But sometimes the hardest questions I have
to face are the same ones I had asked the first time.

Who are you now, that I don't see you any more?
Who have you become?
How are you?
Are you safe, are you loved, are you enjoying life like I remember you did?
Where are you?
Would you let me visit if I could? Or would you want me as far as possible?
And Why?

The biggest question is...why?

Why is it so hard to forget those you remember?

I've so much to ask
and I know we've so little time together as it is
just as it was back then.

I hope to see you just one more time,
I hope to see you again,
Now the final question is...
When?

Get out and run
far away from here.
So far and away, and tell others to steer clear!

Get out and run
this place is not for you
there is much more to see
and much more for you to do.

Get out and run
don't get trapped here like me,
where the only people who stay are those who can't
and those who won't.

Leave, get out, run far away from this sad little place
a bird should fly and be free,
and you are just the case.

Get out...and run.

The doctor is in!
So please don't you worry
A thing on your head,
I'm the doctor, dear
I'll make sure you're not dead!

Feel the rhythm
Of your heart beating fast!
Listen to your ragged breathing,
As your surroundings blur past!

Run, run, run forever more
Run, my friend with me the doctor!
Away from cruel death's door!

I'll show you the world
Is full of fascinating things!
That life is much more
than little diamonds on little rings.

Take my hand
And we'll fly away once more,
Come away with me
And see what life has in store!

Knock knock
Doctor
Doctor who?
Exactly right! No need for fright!
Come run with me and see a sight!

Just trust me my dear,
I'm the doctor.
So please, stay near?

One day you'll know
As your head, heart, and body grow
That I love you the most
More than any father ever could.
Father loves you very much,
As any father very well should.

I work tirelessly
Just to see you happy.
But I know that there will come day
That I come home and you will not be.

Whatever the reason
For no matter how long,
I am your father
Invincible and strong.

I will be your strength
for every time that you cry
I will be your comfort
To wipe the tears from your eye.

I miss you everyday
From the playground we used to play
I miss your smile, your laughter, your joy in life through it all.
I miss the way you say
"One day daddy, I'll be just as tall!”

It brings a slight mist to my eye
Thinking back at those days
How carefree you were
In all of your ways.
My child, you never knew
But inside you already grew,
To be the tallest giant I could see
Aye, indeed, taller than even me.

I saw your heart from when it first did beat,
To pump the blood from your head to your little feet.

And I saw that heart grow,
Faster than any other child I've seen!
And I pray it continues to do so,
Cause I swear you could not be mean.

There aren't enough words to say
How much I love you so.
I just thought that I would try,
Try to let you know.
So who ever you may meet,
And where ever you may go,
Just remember always child,
Father loves you so.

Where I have stood
Many others have gone before,
Where I have stood
I expect there will be a very many more.

But from what I saw--
That is from where I stood--
I saw the different colors of this world.
The evil, the ugly, the bad, and good.

From where I stood
I listened as attentive as I could be,
I tried to listen to the world
As it shouted whispers at me.

I danced with danger
With lady luck by my side,
But neither fortune nor fame would let me
Have either as a bride.

From where I stood
neck deep in troubles and woes,
I stood there patiently,
Like a boulder who knows.
As a boulder knows that Time and the elements will chip, carve, and smooth it down and finally away,
But it would take a very long time
Until that fateful day.

So there I stood
At the ends of the earth,
And saw but another beautiful cycle
Of the Dawn's new day, if creation's birth.

Come. Stand where I have stood and leave the door always just ajar,
For this is the land of hopes and dreams,
Not so very far.

You've heard this before
From a story or a song,
How messed up this is,
How I got it all wrong.

Well here's a twist to the love song cliché,
Here is how I can't look at her in any other way.

From way back when
To every passing day...

It's with loving affection
Not of list but adoration.
See she isn't a 9 or a 10 on any sort of scale,
She's a wonderful category of her own, this particular female.

When I look at her, I see a brighter future than mine.
When I look at her, she's got that heart melting smile with teeth I swear does shine.
She looks with a smile in her heart and eyes,
Now she ain't perfect, but she never needs a disguise.

Genuine and true
She'll always be to you.
Gentle and kind
With care and sympathy in mind!

She's a gal I don't deserve
And I couldn't ever keep.
Not even as a friend,
Not in my dreams as I sleep.

She's wonderfully amazing,
Truly a blessing on this Earth.
A blessing to us all, ever since her birth.

So as time goes on with my hopes to see her again,
I'll always have that loving look for her
Just as I did back then.

I'm afraid...
Not of the Monsters, skeletons, and demons all.
Have we have them? Why yes, we have them all.
But it isn't them that we're afraid of, not by name at the very least.
It's what they remind us of, that we recognize the true beast.

It hungers and rustles
just waiting inside
of the seven deadly sins, mine are of anger and pride.

They show constantly. No matter how hard I try.
And every night I wonder, what will be tomorrow's next lie?
I can not focus, breathing is hard to do...

But with you?
With you it's different.
You. Are. Different.
Besides my flaws, and my terrible sense of self-image
you see through it and see what's left of me.
And with you I can be calm.
I can breath. And be free.

And you care.
So I'm afraid. That if I let you care further, I'll hurt you.
I don't want to see you ever hurt, by anyone.
But especially, by me.
I want to change. I have to change. Before I ask you to stay.
Because the last thing that would hurt the most,
is you running away.

Because if you're afraid of me.
Than so should I be.
I"m afraid.

He stood there at the lip of the canyon
and stood there unwavering like the stones which sat and watched.
He stood there on the edge
feeling the wind as it gently blew
because it had the feeling
because it knew.

The wind had seen this before
from all corners of the Earth
a man who played with life
and knocked on Death's Door.
She has seen this all before.

The man stood there, the sun long set
he waited for his old friend
to place one more bet.

The moon was high
showing all that crept and crawled
it revealed what the sun could not
but the man was not appalled.
He stood patiently
the wind still gentle and kind
she waited to see what fruits would appear
from the corners of this mind.

So a lone cloud gave cover of the moon
and casts a shadow on the land
covered in its shroud.
Darkness had come
so too did Death
silent and faint.
He nodded to this man
an old friend to reacquaint.

The man nodded to Death
paying his humble respects that were long overdue
but he had another bet
one he had to renew.

Death listened to the bargain
curiously he stayed
it was when the bet was made
did Death first blink, he had been swayed

An offer so enticing
could it possibly be true?
Death took a moment more
and knew.

The moonlight returned and stunned the man for but a moment then
where Death once was, was empty again.
Death had agreed to the poor man's bet
the day was set.

Death would not have him
not today
Not yet

But in trade Death would have the others he was promised,
this was the Warrior's Bet as he walked back with a newfound light.
This man, this warrior, picked up his sword and ran back into the fight.

Let me tell you a story, of the time I made her smile
I hope you've some time, because, this might take a while.

It all started on a whim and a dare
that I could make it to her
to her, for her, there!

So as a working adult, so responsible am I,
I got my leave approved, with a twinkle in my eye!
Perhaps that's not the right word, but it sure could have been
especially now I've a chance, to score another win.

So days flew by and with what little money to be had
I bought for her gifts and things, and boy my heart was glad!
I said to myself Now she isn't one for fancy things, nothing to pricey especially a ring!
Now before you holler at me, and pitch a fit or drone,
keep in mind, dear friend, that this one I had barely known!

So a few days before the day that she was to graduate from the University of her home,
I set off on the road to a new adventure, my heart so glad to be free to roam.
But along the way I began having doubts, as all strangers do,
what if she doesn't like these gifts?
Even worse, what if she felt uncomfortable, next to a person she barely knew?

See we met overseas, teaching together as it were,
the days were long, but there was still an adventure out there, but now but a blur.
So we've little time to tell each others, our deepest fears and our passions of wants,
but we made time for each other in our smiles and our jaunts.

So back to the road, and it was already too late to turn back now
through the many hours of driving, the sun had truly beaten my brow.
And as came closer to town where she stay
It dawned upon me, I've yet to come with a plan to approach this play.

So being the improviser that I am, bought some (overpriced) flowers
and delivered it to her house that day.
Unfortunately, it was, cold, raining, and miserable all the more,
what else that was slightly embarrassing was that she did not answer her door.

Of course, I never told her I would be coming down at all,
I simply decided to go to her town, without so much as a call!
So I laid the bouquet of assorted colored flowers down
on a pillow soft and plush on the front porch to the door, and proceeded back to town.

FAST FORWARDING

The next day had come, I am slightly concerned if I smell of my night in my car
but waste no time getting properly dressed for the occasion,
I of course triple check myself, because, this was her graduation!

FAST FORWARDING
The ceremony had commenced! And I spot her from the far side of the stadium!
My, what a sight she was, if only the others could have seen her then...

She finally stands in line, as the many predecessors has done before
and soon enough, she's walking across the stage floor!

Her family and friends, scream and cry their delight!
And I give a long awaited bellow of satisfaction, much to the crowd's unpleasant fright.
Congratulations are then tossed around, like the caps which were far flung
and off I was in a dash, from the bottom rung.

I could not find her initially,
but never fear, and not to worry.
God and his sense of timing and humor,
led me right back to her.

I drove back to her house, thinking I'll lay the gift and disappear
but it would not be so, as I pull up and with her back turned
I see her.

I pull up, like it was just another day
and like the dork I am, here is what I say
"Hey little lady, going some where?"

The look on her face was priceless. Beyond all compare!
Moments like those are what I live for, just to be there.

She turned around astounded! Confused but happy all the same
and then I heard it, the one thing that made it worth it
when she cried out my name.

I parked the car, but not fast enough and burst through my door to meet her once more, on the parking lot floor.
A moment seared forever, the back burners of my mind
of moment to be remembered, because we don't leave friends behind.

So the day went on, and we celebrated together on her victory
and it was all worth it, just to see her happy.

These are the moments I live for.

Chipped, clipped
A spider web of endless cracks in between
a faded memory, never again to be seen.

I long to see the sun
and feel the warmth of it's rays
I wish to feel whole
for the rest of my days.

You weren't there
it's not the same
no one would know.

But what if I was,
what if it was,
what if I did know?

You see it's not the same without you any more.
Friend, brother, pillar of strength which I sought.
Why did it end like this? Why did you go this way?
Why didn't you ask for help? Why didn't we see the signs?
How could we have missed something like this,
that now instead of signs,
now we're left missing you.

I'm sorry.
But you weren't supposed to go like this,
not like this.

Friends, countrymen, let anyone who has an ear hear,
let anyone who has heart feel,
let me tell you.

Suicide. IS. NOT. and NEVER WILL BE. An acceptable solution.
There is help out there.
There are answers to your questions. Just as there was for me.

Please.
I tire of adding the names to the ever growing list.
I tire of checking the calendar to see more of the dead than the living left to celebrate.
Every year I wonder.
How many of us few.
Us merry few.
Will there be many of us left,
before we are old and gray?
How many will be left to laugh and smile
while we wither away.

Today we suffer a loss, incomparable to any other,
for today we have loss more than a friend
we have lost a brother.

Tonight we mourn, we take the time to bury our dead
among the countless others that surround
but we mourn as one, as family,
so draw near, and gather 'round.

Tonight we lift our candles, and voices high,
we lift up our thoughts and prayers
to our dearly departed
into the sky.
May heaven hear us,
if they haven't before
to let our fallen brother,
through Heaven's Door.

May he be lifted up, and ascended on high,
to somewhere where evil can not reach,
to where even he can not hear our cry.

So mourn tonight,
by candle light.
For tomorrow we march
"Once more unto the breach".

Hold your head up high,
and march bravely forth brothers and sisters all.
For we march and carry on,
and remember the fight, is for all those who had to fall.

That we may live the life,
a future safe and clear
for the ones that we love,
and those we once held dear.

So we march,
we march
we march on evermore
amidst the dead and dying,
we march ever onward
onward unto war.

Alone I lay, but lonely I refuse to stay,
for what would become of me
if I were to stay this way?

Heaven forbid it so
from letting me be,
from drowning
in this melancholy sea.

Let my friends gather 'round,
and 'round the circle we go,
all the better that we speak,
that the better of us
we may come to know.

Let us break the mold
as strangers from a distant land,
and let us hold one another as family,
hand in hand.

None of us are perfect,
far from it be the thought!
But behold this friendship,
this wonder, this beauty, that we have caught.

Cast the iron upon us now,
for we carry the burdens of each other,
as much as we can allow.
We lift each other in the arms of the other,
we wipe dry the faces, and away the tears,
we stand tall and firm, proud and defiant,
we stand together.

Break the mold, and cast the iron,
let them whisper, murmur, scream and shout,
let us stand together once more my friend,
against our fear, against the doubt.

Pain and suffering,
Of them both I am well aware.
It is the the bread and butter of this life,
Formed in misery, surrounded by strife.

I drank the cup, in hopes of redemption
But found none there.
Instead now I live in the life of atonement
For the burdens I am to bear.

Blood flows as time flies
I carry my sins heavily, for all the pain
All the lies.
When I was younger I wished to understand,
I now am older,
And wearily travel through the land.

What have I done,
I shout in the wind,
Why am I not forgiven
For all of my sins?

Perhaps I shall,
Take on too,
The burdens of yours,yours and mine too.

That cup from where I had my first sip,
I shall keep it with me now,
That none other may feel the stingless whip.

This is my burden, my price to pay.
Leave and leave me be, continue friend,
And be on your way.

Cloaks and daggers,
Playing in the dark
Playing in the wind
Running through the park.

Cloaks and daggers,
I keep them close by
Like shadows and mist
They pet me fly.

I keep them close to me
For it is all I ever known.
Cloaks and daggers
Are all I'll ever own.

Through mist and mirrors,
I let no one through,
Because being known to anyone,
It surly would not do.

Do with the left,
what the right hand can not,
When you commit to this life
Give it all you got.

So fight on shall I
In the shadows and the dark,
That I may never shed a tear from your eye,
As you walk through this park.

A bothersome burden that only bothers some,
why yo ** me hearties! Do pass the ***.
For tonight I salute to you all
as with the passing of the hats,
for more agile and quick witted cats.

Stay ever nimble
and thoughtful on your feet,
beware the seas
that has been known to take mercilessly
countless fleets.

For now I bid you all
adieu, farewell, and bon soir!
A bothersome burden,
this is, no more!

For I leave you with this,
the faint echo of your soon to be distant past,
the game is afoot.
The die.
Cast.

Oh what a bothersome burden,
this game we all play,
but how bothersome is this burden that bothers some,
if we are still here today?

Best of wishes,
to your hunt and quests and all!
May you find what your heart desires,
as it beckons towards that eerie call.

I will
write love on her arms
so many and so deep
that it courses through her veins
and into her
heart.

I will
write love on her arms
so she can stop hurting
even though she loves the pain
which is the
hardest part.

I will not
stop loving her,
even if she lets me go,
because through all of this
I'll let her know she is loved
by everyone she knows.

I will not
abandon her in her darkest times of need
I will not however
be her knight in shining armor
gallant and proud
on a strong new steed.

She will not know that
this lowly peasant
comes from a nothing more
than a small house
with nothing to call my own.
Where the hardest part for me
was finding a different dial up phone.

So she walks,
so she talks
and seems okay,
but as her friend
who loves her so,
I want her to walk away.

From the pain
the sadness,
the misery,
I want her to walk on her own,
and far away from me.

I am her crutch,
but I am not her life,
and alas poor Yorick,
she is not to be my lovely wife.

But still I shall
keep her lifted up, safe from all harms
if only for a chance
to write love
all on her
arms.

I'm tired.

Of losing the ones I love
because no matter how hard I fight
I lose them still,
is this truly
a part of God's will?

This pain
of my futile sacrifice?
Shall I suffer death, not once but twice?

A part of me I leave with them,
a part of my love I imparted when I first met them,
and I felt the pain as the departed from me.

I asked for them back,
away from the shadows, the evil cloaked in black.

So comfortable was that darkness
that whispered sweet nothings in their ears
it gave comfort to some,
while forcing others to succumb to their fears.

I'm so tired of crying for my loves
all of my dears
I'm tired of fighting, crying and dying,
all this for all these years.

But still I will
run, and scream, and shout, and fight it all out.

Until the last light of the burning sun,
or until this war is won.
I will fight.

For them.
I will not tire.

I can't.

Only when you are here
do I truly fear,
If what I say or do next
will scare you away
or have you stay.

I'm so scared that every time you come near
I'm afraid of what you might hear
come out my unholy mouth
that is unworthy to speak while you are around
so unworthy, I'm afraid to utter a sound.

I fear that you'll find
that whatever it is you look for in me will scar your mind.

I am not that man, that good man that you now see,
I will never come close to being half the man you need me to be.

So silently I sit,
alone and afraid,
scared of the mess
that has yet to be made.

Because when you're around do I appear to be good
but my dear, my darling, my friend of mine I'm misunderstood.
For in fact I am not a good man, even though I may do good things,
I am a bad man, even though I buy you petty stuff, and pretty rings.

Just because when you're around, do I do good things,
but don't take me for a good man.

Don't take me...
I'm no good.