It means nothing, it means everything
I want nothing, I want everything
I feel nothing, I feel everything
I ask for nothing, I want for everything
I dream of nothing, I dream of everything
I love nothing, I love everything......

Ladies and gentlemen,

That person that didn't want you, love you, pick you for their love, for their life. For what ever reason.
That person doesn't deserve you.

Those texts you send when you shouldn't, but you're drunk and your boundaries have slipped.
They are not the real you.
The strong you.
Don't send them.

Looking at photos of their new love. The one that they picked instead of you.
That's not going to help you.

Those poems you wrote them. Stop!
Save your beautiful words. Don't waste them on someone who reads them but doesn't feel them.

Don't feed someone's ego, and destroy your self respect in the process.

That ocean of tears you cried, over someone that wouldn't even catch one tear for you.
No more.
Save your tears for those who deserve your love.

This self destructiveness, isn't you!
This never has been you.
Miss guided passion.
The drinking, the texts the phone calls.
The modern day problems of blocking and unblocking of numbers and Facebook profiles.

This isn't life. This isn't living.

This is wasting precious time.

I know it's hard. I know your heart is heavy with the cracks it now must endure.
But time can stitch over the cracks and pull the pieces of your heart back together.
Trust me. I've done it.

Surround yourself with your own love.

Hibernate, metamorphose, lick your wounds.
Heal yourself.
Take as long as you need.

It's not easy for us sensitive souls. But it can be done. Overcome.

Learn, be brave.
Then Love again.

I was happy, way up high.                    
I was safe, in another land.
It was blissful, when I didn't see.
I was calm, when I turned away.         It was fun, when I was ignorant.

I became scared, when I came down.
I felt Worried, when I returned.
I was lost, when I hit the ground.
I was in pain, when reality set.
I was empty, without my insanity.

How does one live, with the boredom?
How does one cope, with the pain?
How does one find their home, with no memory?
How does one smile, when the view is unchanged?

Tell me please, without my little helpers, how do I find myself, in this world?

I still believe in me

Even though the bottle pulls me under
And the rolled up twenty sits eagerly awaiting my self-respect to slip on it's own ego
and fall into its self made trap

I still believe in me

Even though my confidence has taken its coat, and gone back down to the pub,
to meet with self doubt,
self esteem
and self hatred
They meet regularly
They are friends for life
For my life

I still believe in me

Even though my heart is buried under a thousand apologies
Caught in a web of tangled misjudged trust
with a master made from hindsight that
laughs whenever I try to escape

I still believe in me

Because despite everything
I'll crawl out of the bottle
I'll rip up the rolled twenty
I'll find self love
cut out and stitch over self doubt, self hatred and self esteem
I'll find my way out of the web
and tell the master that the
good thing about hindsight
is learning from it
That he has no power over me.

I still believe in m

A poem for Tinder.

You look at his photo and think 'he looks hot'
then look at the next one and say 'maybe not'.

The next one is too short and has the wrong hair,
you're making snap judgements it's not really fair.
You swipe and you swipe but none to the right,
you must find one soon or be swiping all night.

The next one looks pretty but has not took the time,
to write he likes dogs or thinks veggies are fine.
You swipe left and swipe left and again you swipe right.
You must not be beautiful, no matches tonight.

You pin all your hopes on that very first date,
you dream of the first kiss, you hope he's not late.
He walks in the bar and you smile a fake smile,
you think of excuses but will stay a short while.

How shallow you are that you won't give it time,
he might have a good heart, he might be just fine.

He's says that he's sorry but can't stay that long,
he's making excuses, and you wore your best thong!

How dare he decide before you've even spoke,
then picks up his drink, goes outside for a smoke.
You sigh and decide to pick up your phone,
a new match from Tinder, you can't get wait to get home.

You sit in your flat, shopping for men,
you swipe left then swipe right and start over again.

The circus

I'm running to join the circus
I know it's a place I'll fit in
My smile painted on by the clowns
Hiding the sadness within

I'm running to join the circus
Away from a life of pain
Where the colours and laughter of children
Bring sunshine in place of cold rain

I'm running to join the circus
I just want my heart to feel free
Flying around the big top
With the other clowns, the pretenders
And me.

Feeling cynical...

Would you like to journey with me to the sky
Do you yearn to touch the stars

Does your soul ache to be heavy with love
And would you bleed to have a full heart

Would you promise the devil whom you'd promise your soul
so you could dance with the beautiful and never get old

Would you trade your dreams for loves deepest kiss
Give away your fire
for a life of fake bliss

The stars a safer bet
they're easier to touch
Finding a love on the deepest level
Never turned out to be that much