so wish i could read my mom the poems
i’ve written about her

maybe it would bridge the gap between us

come to an understanding

because she doesn’t understand me

nor i her

all i ever do is want her to understand me
but she takes it defensively

it’s extremely numbing and heartbreaking

has your worth
every been defined by a pair of lurking eyes
from someone you love?

they don’t realize
how much the cruel statements
sting my inner soul

not being judged by my character
but rather by the rolls on my stomach

it stings my heart
makes my heart swell with shame and resentment

it makes me instantly reject the body i’ve climbed
mountains to try and love

it makes me reject
myself as a whole

stop shaming me and just tell me i’m pretty for once
please

I layer looking at the textured ceilings
the roof my parents worked to provide for me

laying in the blankets the bought to kept me warm
with my belly full of food that gives me life

Everything serene

except my mind
My mind is tortured and restless

Never good enough
Eating too much
Not pretty enough
Lack of friends
Rarely successful

These are the things planted in my mind
But having material things should be
enough to be happy

So I guess I am

I saw the etching from miles away

Something you pick up right away

Long lines like your waiting for them to release the newest phone

My heart sank

Those scars on her arm
I wanted to tell her everything would be ok
That things got better

But those scars were old and long healed

I spelled your name out
in the letters of my soup

Hoping the universe could tell
I wanted you back

I ate the first letter
then the next
and so on

You lived in my head
free of charge

And you know what I miss the most about you

Your name

there’s so many things
so little time
so much hate
so little love
so much responsibilities
so little leisure
and so on and so forth

Her voice echoed

one of constant criticism
she loved but
saw things through an extremely
narrow horoscope

She loved too hard
too much that we couldn’t see it

She loved so hard
her words stung us
we couldn’t appreciate them

she loved so hard
she did things
that our bellies couldn’t appreciate it

she loved so hard
she taught our minds
but our souls couldn’t appreciate it

all her words echoed
on my beautiful brain

one that I taught to love
because there is more than one way
to things

Love could be easy
or hard
or balanced

love could use kind words
or mean words
or well thought out words

love could be pizza on Fridays
or cauliflower on Monday
or both without judgement

love could be an easier approach
or a harder approach
or be consistent to what you preach