i kissed your

cheeks

lips

neck

hands

but you burned my lips

with the tiny vibrations from your throat

my shriveled lips
and teary eyes were all that was left

it’s always easier
to yell

the

words chew you up
spit you out
and let you dry up

they let you
turn into concrete

and get run over and over and over and over
by cars

the concrete
eventually
gets *** holes
and withers away

but that’s easier

i sat in that mirror

man i stared for a long time

at a girl who’s fought her life

against herself

fighting for this person
that already existed

i thought about younger me

if i could go back in time to tell
her how beautiful she was

that all her battles
she had won

how her hair grew out beautifully
after that bad perm

how she’d grown into someone
who people liked

how she had grown into someone
she liked

all that struggle wasn’t easy
but she won

so as i stared
i thought of
future me
selfishly

telling my current me
everything will work out

you will overcome your struggles

you will grow

you will become someone you love

you don’t have to starve yourself
of opportunity because you created it

love yourself gabbi

i’ve been ghosted
way too many times

by guys who didn’t deserve my time
and my energy

i’ve been told i lack
so many things

i’ve been vulnerable
and it was pinned against me

all of these guys

*** on friday nights
gives us purpose

when

we feel meaningless to the world

someone else occupying our space
and mind

saves us from bridges
saves me from ropes
saves the pills in their plastic
container for the one who actually needs them