Today is a story
Of doubt
Of self-pity
Of wondering when I'll ever learn
To love the person staring at me
Through the mirror

Today is like any other day

But today
I will pick the pen up
And I will try to end this somber story
differently

I'll yank the smallest thread
Of hope
tugging her heart
And remind her
That she is real
She is loved
She is beautiful
She is the blistering heat
in summer that makes the world
Or of those whom she considers the world
Brighter
Lovelier

And she will get through today
again




again

and i try to convince myself
u're not my type
i'm just bored
i just like the attention
it's just ovulation
but when i look at ur photos closely
keep checking if u've seen my stories
think of the way u said u'd miss me
stop myself from chatting u too early
i wonder how long i can convince myself
that i don't more than just like u
well...i guess until i do
u'll just have to keep loving me, baby

how can you say you love me
and not expect it to be the only thing i'll think about?
how can you now become cold
after saying i should fall for you?
are you distancing yourself
because i didn't say it back?
or did you just say it without meaning to?
i gave you silence
but i didn't think you'd give it back
and now i'm hurting
because i thought what we had was just for ***
and now i might be falling hard
like you told me to
like you wished me to
i never wanted it to be this way
i just wanted it to be casual
but you just had to say those godforbidden words.
.
.
.
just say something
please.

you love the idea of me.

you don't love the girl behind the makeup, the cute skirt, the laughs
the girl who panics too much
the girl who questions her worth every single day
the girl whose tears have dried up from crying too long
the girl who worries too much about what other people think
the girl filled with guilt but still lies to the people she loves
the girl who lies to herself about her capacity to love others
the girl confused about who she is and who she wants to be
and im sure as hell you won't love the girl
when you see all the flaws she's kept hidden
because she's afraid people will leave her again.

so don't tell her to fall for you -
don't tell her you love her
until you've seen this girl.