Its so easy to get lost
You never realize how much it consumes your life until its too late
It something so real that is made out to be so fake
You hear stories of people dying and never recovering from crippling addiction
You hear stories of endless migraines, incurable by any form of pill other than the ones you've already sacrificed everything for
Its so seemingly easy to just wake up and not take three then and two eight hours later until you have to do it
You cant even function knowing you didn't do it and then the day gets harder and your head starts spinning and you're stuck in a cycle of being addicted with no one to help you and no one knowing.

I keep spinning the truth around my head
Like a game of Russian roulette meant to play with bullets in every chamber but one
The one more difficult to handle than the shot relieving every voice in my ears
The tears are puddling in the wells of my hideous eyes
Putting up a front only rough drugs and meaningless *** can fulfill
That one chamber holding every word I wished you have never screamed or shouted into the vacancy of our relationship we wanted to stopped before I spoiled the ending like a bad independent indie film you shoved down my throat the pills you tried to take from my shaking hands while I swallowed down taurine in the comfort of my scarred up hips; the ones you so desperately lost your argument in when you couldn't get past our fights you decided to choke me with lust and then plead you've decided you do love me only to regret your words in fifteen minutes but never the actions you chose to take
You said I was too much to handle that your space was needed and my outcry for a change was burdensome and that I relied on your love to keep me sane but ignored that I just wanted to feel your love; ignored how badly I wanted you to say you loved me but never heard or felt a single drop of relief. Thats why we didnt work. You were incapable of loving others the way you wanted love. It was a two sided story that never had an ending until you lost your confidence in the pen.

I don't want to be alive but I can't figure out how to write about it

I can feel each finger grip my side
Each push so much harder and each tear so much quieter
I know how bad it all looks and I know im not faultless
But my guilt is killing me
I can feel his breath on my neck but I can hear your words in my ear
I feel so worthless
I am no more than the words you say to me and I know youre growing tired of my insecurities and it hurts like hell to watch

I'm trapped inside my room, and the absence of my sanity is the only thing keeping me company. I've forgotten how to eat and how to sleep without feeling your hands on me and it's killing me inside.
I want to finish the job before this misery can
I want to feel like maybe there's a bit of hope waiting for me on the other side but now I can't see past the times you begged me to stay
If I don't mean enough to you then why should I care?
I still love you but I want you to love me
I want to feel loved
I only feel love in the form of a razor in my shaking hands
I want to leave and forget what I did
I want to stop being here at all

My head spins like your fingers in my hair
I'm stuck with a tenseness in my stomach as your lips work around my body
I stare at your face
And trace your eyes with my mind
Leaving me to wish I was what you need

The ocean may roll over new begginings and the wind may carry old ends but my love will always stay and despite my admiration these tears will stain my face