thanks for everything

for communicating your issues
in a stable manner
for being the face of self-growth
no matter what
for respecting my time
for valuing me

and they say
that sarcasm doesn't translate well over text
but what does it matter
when your whole life is a ******* joke

and this push and pull *******
taking energy away from me
it's not your eccentric personality
it's your ******* BPD

now my hair is falling out
i wonder where it's going
maybe if i search for it
i'll find myself again

you're not happier
but i'll be
cause i run off of spite
and whatever you say im not--
that's what i'll be

is wondering why she always texts back when you're thinking of her

until you realize

it's because you're always thinking of her

soundless trees
unkempt breeze
the world sits still
entropy at a freeze
until
the call
the spark
the beat of the wing
brings life to the stars
and makes everything

beautiful <3

actors abound
stifling coffee stains
muffled sound

and you ~

seeing yourself
on the screen
feeling judgment
hard to believe
the voices
are they your own?

always never alone
the mailbox flag at half mast
rearrange the letters
of the alphabet
it's a blocked exit

lest you forget
the fourth is a broken firewall
and when he snaps his fingers
the theater will burn ~

and although i'm not a star
i know
i'll return

i think, therefore i am
mentally unstable

this could be the moment
your daydreams come true
you'll place your order
for endless love
and he'll wrap his arms around you

hours passed by
before you made the call
your biggest fear
was that none of the scenarios
would ever play out at all

trembling hands grasped the phone
oh, the social anxiety
maybe i'll be forever alone?
you thought
well, that's the story of me..

with teeth gritting and eyes shut
unaware there's no one to please
dialing..
"hey thanks for calling pizza hut"
"yea can i get two large extra cheese?"

if you were a seed
would you really believe
as you emerged from the soil
the world would be at peace?

it's the uncertainty that we displease
and the scenarios we create leave
us at ease
but when our expectations aren't seen then
it seems
we've dreamed
too far too fast and now
disappointment runs free
that much we can see

and as i read this to you
the only thing that's true
is that you don't know the ending
but you're content in your head and

thus,

if you were a seed
your only guarantee
is existing as a seed
is all you are and all you can be
in the present

and that's alright