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Ryan Oct 2021
this year for halloween
im going as a slice of cheese
so i can scare people
with puns

now how do i begin?
o-que, so

i walk down the halloumi and see
my friends colby and jack

colby's dressed as a camembear
scary enough to make you go emmental

jack's dressed as the Cheshire cat
who listens to baroquefort

we all sit down paneer the window

"so teleme," i ask, "what's gouda?"

"i'll tell you what's gouda," jack replies eagerly,
"see that girl over there, fonTina?"

how could i swiss her, i thought, with her looks and her cheddar, she could make it gruyere down there out of even the LEAST manchego of men

"go talk to her, jack, it'll be a brieze"

"no whey man!"

"yes whey"

"man i'm too anxious, i'd rather talk on the mascarphone"

"what do you mean, you're the goat!"

"we can'tal be buff-alo like you, why don't you talk to her?"

"already dating monterey"

"i didn't know you swung both wheys"

"sometimes i feel like my sexuality was madE backwards"

"alright that's enough!" jack stammered. "i'm fetup with these puns! it was fun at first but it's gotten annoying. some of this **** doesn't even make any sense! just go man, nobody wants you here."

colby and i exchanged a solemn glance
i turned to jack
"..................ricotta be kidding me!"

"LEAVE!" jack screamed, and i turned and walked away


now it's time i asiago home
feeling blue, heading back to my cottage
sad and provolone
Ryan Oct 2021
james has got **** in his mind
he's discovered people of his kind
two in the pink
one in the stink
and "Oh, what's that from behind?"
Ryan Oct 2021
Earth, Sep 30, 2021 /AlienNewswire/ -- Subject: A6P9E

one hand on the keyboard, the other in a doritos bag
fiercely staring at his screens, cursing any signs of lag

unrelenting focus lights his eyes, oblivious to any world outside
engaged in only lines and rectangles, rectangles and lines

every human minute, a new rectangle appears
the green ones are good, but the reds bring him fear

clenching all orifices
a mouse-click
a new rectangle
more lines
it's green
another mouse-click
pure elation

with a sigh of relief, the subject waddles over to his 69th monitor, just delivered by an Amazon drone
he powers it up and immediately starts watching ****
because one addiction isn't enough apparently

- reported by Jack Ma the Alien, sent to papa Elon via Neuralink
"Jack Ma? jack mah ***** *******. stop sending me **** on my neuralink *****. oh and load up on TSLA 10/15 $800C lololol"
Ryan Sep 2021
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~      ­             
              
rainy days pave gateways
intertwining spirit, body, and mind

those were exactly the thoughts running through Caroline's head, as her half-empty boba cup provided support between the cold, metal fencing and her weary right temple. she pondered if this incessant rain would cease, and the chrysanthemums that grew behind the fence concurred.

she had been exploring the realm of visualization in weeks past. visualizing getting out of bed in the morning, getting chores done, and visualizing social situations before they occur. she was using it as a technique to be more productive and to ease her social anxiety. it had proven effective for her.

sick of all the rain, she started visualizing. her imagination fluttered with thoughts of clouds parting ways, of the brilliant sun beating down, heating up the fencing, and creating shadows which sprung to life the now-dancing chrysanthemums. she pictured hopping onto the fence and screaming joyously to the world, overcome profoundly by newfound sunshine.

while deep in her visualization, she felt a tinge near her heart. the same spot where she experiences the buildup of her most powerful feelings: rage, despair, and pure unbridled ecstasy. only this feeling was new, and she knew something big was brewing. she felt an incredible warmth expanding from her chest outwards.

Caroline slowly opened her eyes. her mind was just as clear as the sky. in utter awe, she wanted to scream and shout. to tell all her friends that the sun was out.

it was through those powerful visualizations
where she made her staggering realization

"everything in reality is all but fake
nothing is real except for what you make"

and she carried on with her day
kudos to you for reading all of this garbage
Ryan Sep 2021
they help you fight the sunday scaries
go forth and ignite the metabolic fairies
the team of fruits always needs a carry
the answer is the RASPBERRY!! YEAAA!!!

blueberries? blackberries?
those are the colors of bruises!
when it comes to the great berry test
the raspberry never loses!

can't recant my chant to demand the freshly farmed organic plants however scant they're worth the transplant from stem to plate to
shoo-*** doo-woppity bippity boppin mary poppins, man!



RASPBERRIES YEAAAA!!
i like raspberries
Ryan Sep 2021
raggy,
risten to rhis,
"rells rike reen spirit"
r-I ruv rirvana raggy
rotgun to his head
now Rurt's dead
too rany ****** snacks ris a bad rhing, raggy
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