Me and my desperate lies
All because I choose to hide the truth with a lie

(You hide what you feel with your lies
But If I look deep enough I can hear your cries
Trapped within your thoughts refusing help from all who sees
I will stay by your side until the darkness flees
I won't abandon you even when you tell me to leave
For the truth is I need you just as much as I hope you need me)

Our need what a dangerous thing
Because without a whim or wish we do refrain
I need to be helped, I need to breathe
Because if I don't in these emotions I do seethe
I wish I may I wish I might
Take away your pain tonight
With my desperate pleading cries
That I do hide inside
My wishes and hopes that I wish to achieve
Are simply that but I hope to be
I feel as if I'm tearing apart at the seams
But sadly no one notices but me

(No one notices you?
But I notice everything you do
What you hold back, don't say
I hear your cries clear as day
I know how you feel at night
Wanting answers, wanting to make everything right
I won't let you be alone
My grip on you is tight, and I don't believe in letting you go)

But how do you save someone who's done
Who feels they're already as good as gone

(You love them more than ever before
Love them till even the thought of leaving makes their heart sore)

the down keeps me up
needing to crash but thoughts beckon
i know i must pay tomorrow
full moon tonight
what’s your excuse?
if you’re a woman don’t misconstrue
i’m not a  misogynist
true misogyny neccitates great admiration
full moon tonight
what’s your excuse?
i don’t care tonight
gonna stay awake till collapse
i dreamed Apple traded
$99.00 monday morning and i bought it
i’m not your type
not your type not your type
i read Flaubert, Zola, Nabokov
i know it’s hard to see
i imagine angels
what do you like in your cup of tea?
while taking care of neighbor’s cat Oskar
decided to replace porch standard white with green light bulb
i hope they like it
they’re burners
they’ll be gone for two weeks

I keep writing suicide notes in my head

never actually put them on paper, no, too real

I went for a drive and stopped on the railroad tracks...a train never came

Why? Why when I offer so willingly to be one of the 500 a year to be taken by railroad, nobody's there to listen

If I were in a book I'd be a perfect candidate to be taken out by heart disease, but instead my circulatory system couldn't be less flawed, and I'm not in a book.
This scene doesn't have background music
There's just a dog making noise in his kennel

This moment doesn't matter. Nobody's here to see it.

This moment, that is the utter choice in existence of myself, does not matter.

Because nobody cares to see it.