Keep on running,
Keep on running they say,
around the dirt path

Keep on running,
As I see 3 of them my age
Getting put in an ambulance
their breath being provided by a mask
The scared look on their faces
Scares me.

Keep on running,
Even though my legs are shaking
And my breath is quaking, difficult to catch
Others have already fallen

Keep on running,
Even when I’m pushed around by more desperate runners
even when I loose my footing, I can't fail anyone else

Keep on running,
The pain in my entire body
slightly diminishes from the muffled cheers of the onlookers

Keep on running,
As I cross the finish line I trip and scrape myself on the concrete-like dirt
Proud of myself
But they all point to me, yelling
bringing my attention back to the race,
It had only been the first lap

Keep on running,
keep on running they say,
but is it worth it?

All these people
All these stressful situations
It’s not my fault that I’m awkward
It’s not my fault I don’t always say funny things,
Have good comebacks.
So why is it that everyone around
Carelessly cast upon me their true opinion?
Maybe a little too true.
Every laugh
And silent whispering
Not so very silent
Ring loudly in my ears, in my heart
It all trails behind me, all my decisions dictated by the preferences of others
Harshly driving me into paranoia,
A cacophony of sorts
Sinking my mind, my soul,
Into a pit of insanity
To the point where I myself join in the slandering
And aspersing of my own being
In order to make it all stop. just for a second.
So I can please all those around
And calm my paranoia down
While shoving my true feelings down my throat.
The only thing getting me through it,
Telling myself it’s not. my. fault.

What am I doing?

Destruction
Between my heart
And head
Because they often fight
Both thinking they’re right
This internal war
Doesn’t let me sleep
In spite of all the white noise, and teas
Keeping me up, reminding me of everything
All my worries
All the decisions I have to choose between,
Until I decide not to make one
At all
But even then,
I. Can’t. Stop.