If you knew what I thought,
If you opened a small piece of my mind,
You would lose yours,
The weight of my thoughts would crush any mortal,
My insecurities would implode any person,

If anyone were to look into the darkness of my mind,
The ink of my thoughts would drown them,

Yet I still live,
I have no purpose,
No real motive,
Yet I walk along this line of Society,

As sociy progesses I will stay behind,
Not wanting to interfere with the revolution,
I will be the only nuisance,

If we the young are the future,
And we the young are supposed to be individuals,
With individual minds and bodies,
How can we do this,
If we the young are supposed to be spreading equality and unity,
How can I be different,
When I am told not to stand out of the crowd and told to hold my tongue,

How can  future generations learn about truth and honesty when their entire lives are being constructed upon lies, brought to in part by Society,

In our Western society you are either White or something else,
There is no middle ground,
And wether you succeed or not is determined by the colour of your skin,
How can I tell my child or their children that all people are born equally and have an equal opportunity in society just the same as everyone else,
While the Muslims are banned,
The Latino’s are kicked out,
While African Americans are stuck in a cycle of discrimination,
HOW!
HOW CAN I CONTINUE LIVING A LIE OF EQUALITY!
I will say that I stand by women that suffer who suffer with harassment or abuse,
But a part of my mind tickles and I hate it because it changes my perspective on women in the sec status,
I am white,
I have the best possibilities laid out in front of me,
On polished marble floor, in a mansion,
I call my self privileged,
I hate it but I ignore what people tell me,

Here my shout,
In my mind,
Hear me scream at you,
But you'll never hear,
Advocate my opinion,
But really you control it,
Hear my pleas,
You hear go on,
Hear me speak with pride,
When your not around,

Today in the game,
It shall be decided,
Society shall pick a winner,
The choice is clear,

Those who have the slightest issues,
They shall never be picked,
Those who pretend to defy the rules shall be saints,
Those who try to be perfect ,
They shall never achieve their dream,
In the game,

It is a fight to the death,
No matter who you are,
No matter who you thought you were,
You shall never win,
Nor will anyone else,
Society will always find your flaws.

As the days of celebrations approach,
I seem to do nothing but wrong,
I'll do the littlest of things wrong,
But I won't know that it is wrong,

So I'll ask my God's what it is that I have done to offend them,
They will not answer me,
The silence of my brothers and sisters is all I'll get,

But I'll try to move on,
To make these days of celebrations worth it,
With my mind so infected I won't know if this will be my last...

I just spoke with my mother,
She is helpful when she doesn't talk about me,
When she talks about me its on how funny I am that I mess up so easily,
On how funny my disability is,
On how funny it is that I don't get something that a "normal" kid would get,
On what a 9 year old gets and I don't,
On how much I can't do,
On telling me what I can't do because I can't adapt,
On telling me why I can't do something when I don't want to hear it because I always know why,
On what's basic knowledge of a 2 year old I still don't have,
So I talked to my mom today and I feel a lot better about myself.

"**** yourself!"
"**** yourself!" the words say to me taunting me as they float above my head, I try to build a wall but they walk through it,
"Your useless!"
"Your useless!" they say as I am pecked,
"It's fu.....g basic!"
"It's fu.....g basic!"
The words they flap around me blurring my vision,
"It's something that a 9 year old would get!"
"It's something that a 9 year old would get!"
I start to cry, I falter but am not ready to fall yet,
"Your so fu.....g selfish, 'it's all about me!"
"Your so fu.....g selfish 'it's all about me!"
I fall to the ground and try to cover my ears, but they peck at my hands so that I hear them,
"I don't want to see you!"
"I don't want to see you!"
I start screaming, my ears are bleeding now,
"Don't expect to get my approval when your this fu.....g selfish!"
"Don't expect to get my approval when your this fu.....g selfish!"
I try to get up but they dive at me striking my efforts,
"What kind of son does this!"
"What kind of fu.....g son does this to their mother!"
I just lye there hopeless and I whisper a word, just one tiny word,

"me..."
I close my eyes and the words fly away.

I don't ride a bike,
I don't drive,
It's better for me and everyone else around me,
At least that's what people tell me,
I believe them,
"You can't adapt quickly enough to situations,"
I wear glasses because I crash into stuff without them,
I break everything that I own by accident,
I really don't mean to,
I don't drive,
I won't ever drive.

I am a puppy small and free,
At least in my cage that is,
I run around my cage all day content with the circles I make,
"Get out Get Out " people tell me,
I don't because I am content with running in circles stuck in my cage of independence,
I whimper when my parents speak to me,
I cry to be let out,
But I am content with running in circles stuck in my cage of independence,
I want to get out but what would I do after that.

Leviathan,
Well what is it than,
Shall I call the man,
No,
What shall it be than,
Shall I call the woman,
No,
Then dam to you as I stand here as your slave,
What,
The boy,
Who's boy,
Alright I shall demand that the boy be sent forth at once,
But he's just a boy,
I look at the face of life as I hand off the world

You write me to let me know that your there,
Your paper, my skin,
Your pen has no ink,
Just my blood,
You write to me about your thoughts,

JUST STOP!

You endlessly torment me with every line you write to make a letter,
I don't need you anymore,
But you cling to me,
******* all the blood and life out of me before moving to your next victim,

The scars become deeper as your mind wanders,
Ensuring our bond is eternal,
My scars are the result of your love letters,
The leftovers of possibilities,

Your letters that scar my face will scare others,
The children ask,
I'll tell them that I was in a fight with my greatest enemy,
You my mind.

I lean against the tree looking at her while I strum my guitar lazily,
She sings while avoiding eye contact,
"You're beautiful"
She snorts out a laugh,
"You're still beautiful"
Her eyes twinkle as they let a glance pass,
I continue to strum my guitar,
She lays in the grass looking at the stars,
I see the universe through her eyes,
The night is quite except for the guitar and the wind,
I shake my head and I think how I'm so lucky to have her,
This old broken man with a perfect girl like her,
I love her and I lye beside her,
Seeing her in the universe.

I wear a mask to hide my desperation and insecurity,
I have a mask that shows pride,
I have a mask that shows generosity and kindness,
I have a mask that shows power and leadership,
I have a mask that shows loyalty and respect,
I have a mask that shows never who I really am.
I have many masks,
Most you won't see,
But they are still there.

Was the dark painted with careful delicate strokes,

Or was it burned with the intent of creation,
As the ashes formed the dying stars,

Creativity has its purpose on canvas,
It has become a symbol of hope for the broken brushes,

The canvas plays with meanings as critics share their prophecies of emotional understanding,
But nobody really knows,
As the paint and blood vaguely hide the truth,

Only the broken brush responsible for creation knows what secrets hide in the image,
As it's mind will paint what can it's eyes can not visually express,
To understand the image is to understand the mind of the broken brush,

But even that is far more complex than the easy imagination we create as we see ourselves as the creator,
The observer feels enlightened by the sense of "understanding"
If the observer truly could understand the image,
They would have seen the creators own blood used as paint,

On the  bus, on the bus, we have places to go, things to do, on the bus on the bus lets go.
We shove each other  on in to and fro impatient still without coffee.
We do many things on the bus.
We sleep; some snore, some don't.
We look at each other waiting for someone to dare try talking to them.
We say hello rarely, it sets suspicions lower.
Some read, most don't.
Some do their makeup. Really only one.
Some forget to change for work, the rest don't.
We have small talk that leads into mumbling, then falls into sleep.
45 minutes later we arrive at our location and one by one we get off the bus.
Tired, hungry, needing coffee, we do the whole thing over the next day.  
Off the bus, off the bus, we have places to go, things to do, off the bus off the bus lets go.

I have told you of the delema I face with my mother and sister, in the perspective of my sister.
My mother is drawing near to the brink of suicidal thoughts,
All due to the conflictions with my sister, I continuesly blamed my mother, not knowing, not wanting to know my sisters role as the whipper to the whipped was.   But I am at a crossroads, I believe my sister, I believe my mother, but to fight for each other's approval is absurd.
The thing is that I am a person who strives to make things better, no matter the cost or the probability of success.
Right now the war at the peak,
My mother is praying to her god that she be hit by a semi.
While my sister revolts against society and destroys her future.
While I sit here uselessly in between the both of them pulling them away from the bridge of suicide.

To the United Nations,

With your endless proclamations,

You leave endless wrecks,

And endless paycheques,

You with your fixations of peace.

I act normal in society,

He's making a fool of himself,

I am mature,

He talks like a 5 year old,

I act like I'm 18,

His phycological status puts him at a functioning age of at the most 12,

To be truthful I am what I am and 18 is what I am not.

I sit here tortured by the thoughts,
I'll apologize a million times in my head,
I'll tell you once out loud,
You'll say it's fine,
But my mind digs deeper,
Thinking what I did is unforgivable,
I'll tell you that I'm sorry to many times,
The things I have done,
She says she understands,
But my mind keeps going,
She embraces me and whispers,
I love you,
I breakdown,
Maybe tomorrow will be better.

I look at people walk with these squares in their hands,
Laughing at something no one else sees,
Talking to no one,
Listing and dancing to silence,
Seeing a virtual reality in reality,
This new thing called "Pokémon go" came out where it requires the user to "go outside" yet there is no "avoid the obstacles" objective to the game. So why are we so addicted to such a thing? I have no idea, I don't and will never involve myself in such an immersive virtual reality that is free.

I have read books about having chips in our heads that are computer screens visualized to our eyes. This scares me, why? Because then we are truly impaired, mentally blind in a sense towards our physical surroundings. If you could choose to look at a 3-D image of wildlife without their "ocular" restrictive materials but rather have them just pop up in your head. Or would you rather look at the breaking seams of reality, while the rest of society looks dazed and lost, as they continue to watch their eyes for the latest celebrity scandal.
See these things have their benefits yes, but we don't care about the societal deficiencies we pick up as more and more people get these chips implanted.

The line from society,
Has been blocked by a fence,
But this fence is different,
This fence is a protector,
The fence is a friend,
The fence even looks a little different,
The fence is blue, purple, red, yellow, and green,
And it's squiggly and not straight,
The fence is a blockade ,
From my house to society.

Love me,
Hate me for I do not care,
As long as you treat me fair, I said one day to a man,
"Ha!" Was what he said
"Treat you fair? We could care less about your hair."
I turned and saw a hare they petted it and treated it fair,
"Am I less then an animal?" I asked the unfair man,
His reply was,
"Yes."

They told me that it would be okay,
They told me that there was nothing to worry about,
They told me that I could be what I wanted to be,
They told me that I was loved,
They told me that I could be part of the family,
They told me that they would believe in me,
They told me that they would try ,
They told me that I Should try,
They told me that they never lie,
As a sit on my bed I wonder how many times they have lied.

You there,
look over there,
What is that coming,
Wait it's a person,
Who is it,
Why he's glowing,
It's a man,
He's wearing a mask,
A gas mask,
It's black and red,
I can't see his eyes,
He's coming closer,
Who are you,
"I am what I am,
I am who I am,
I am for what I am,
This is who I am."

-this is a character that I have created in a story.

When a man was asked to **** another man who had committed treason,
They said there was nothing wrong with killing him because he was doing a service for his country.
The man obliged and shot the man in the temple.
Two days later he was killed by the government of his country for committing ******.

Woe is me,
Woe is me,
Is what you say I say to thee,
But I say woe is you and not to thee,
But don't you see if woe is thee then woe is to thy as is to thee,
Why yes if woe is to thy then woe is to thee as is to thy both the same ,
I hate Shakespeare some days

All of my new personal poems were inspired by my sister,
She won't read any of them though. Anyway I still experience these things but on a molecular level compared to her and she inspires me to write about how things effect me.
So thanks sis....
(I don't know why I'm adding this because she's not going to read it anyway).

I am an infidel,
I follow to no one unless if it suits me,
I listen to no one unless if it suits me,
I  talk to no one unless if it suits me,
I see no one unless if it suits me,
I am an infidel who is independent,
I lie a lot of the time,
Especially now,

The world does not need me,
All I cause is the pain and grief of others.
People say they see a light in my eyes,
I see a light in which does not burn but dies.
People also say that I have to express what I feel,
I do not care what I feel because it does not matter what I feel.
I care in only what other people feel.

They nurture their community,
Ensuring that they won't abandon them,
Money is what they need,
Greed they never have enough of,
We believe in structure and order,
Without order there is nothing,
So we make the commandments,
Set the people straight,
And keep their ***** minds in check,
We will never break apart,
Give us your money,
More,
There are less people, why?
Who knows, give me more to compinsate for their abandonment,
Don't follow the others you'll have no friends,
You'll go to hell,

Society is funny,
Really truly funny,
We have one society (the world)
Then you have smaller societies such as continents, countries, cities, cultural groups within the city, etc...
But the smallest of societies we create are small groups of people that you meet everyday i.e. Work, the bus stop, coffee shop. But how is a society created in such a small group of people?
Society is a word used to describe how people around other people are supposed to act around a group. So when you have a coffee shop and the same people go there everyday and sit in the same spot, then it is expected by other people to know that you can't sit there because everyone else has there own spot. Thus if someone not part of this society comes into the cafe and sits in another persons spot then the conformity of this society is broken.

Ashes to ashes,
Dust to dust,
Trust is a must,
Lust follows trust,
Cuss and fuss is all we do,
Cry and die for you,
Try not to lie to me,
Bye as you buy for yourself,
The end is here,
Cliffs soon kills me as I take my pills,
Drills to fills,
My empty useless head,
Confusion I think not,
Depression is unseeingly cold.

I wonder some days,
As if my life is in a haze,
My parents just say it's a faze,
I don't think that is how it plays,
All I hear and see around me are nays,
As I struggle to do my pays,
As long as it stays,
It will take many days.

Music determines the heart,
It expresses what you want to feel,
It hides it from people who are musically unconscious,
Yet when expressed it is such a release of buried emotions that there is no other way to define it other than
Spiritual.

The cross written in my hand

                               F
                               O
                               R
                    P  L  E  A  S  E
                               G
                                I
                             ­  V
                               E
                               M
                               E

    For the crimes I have committed

As the world spins around me,
You float towards me and you hold my hand,
I pause as my world comes to a halt and I turn to look at you,
Our worlds stand still as the rest spin on,
I stare into your eyes and I see the universe floating with endless wonder,
We dance slowly as the world spins,
You lay your head on my shoulder as we dance,
I smell your hair and tell you that your beautiful,
She just mumbles something unimpressed,
I love her and she I,
We dance what I hope will be eternity,

Creativity is subject to those who dare to try,
In the activity of the legal and the inactivity of the illegal,
Creativity is tested through the vitality of the object,
Lest it be by god's creativity the object is not tested through the vitality but yet by its beauty.

I have power in my mind,
Ideas that would blow the world away,
I have visions that would change the world,
I think for the thought of others,
I have power in my mind,
But to say what I think,
What visions that I see,
What ideas I have,
Is not possible because of fear of my stupidity.

I love you like a drug,
You shake me off with a shrug,
"Sugar baby," I tell you while we hug,
You think I'm a huge lug,
"I got you a mug" I said
"It says Doug"
"It's the thought that counts " I said  
She rolls her eyes and sends me to Doug's dog house.

Do you see the beauty in fire that burns the bodies of those so tragically lost.
They scream as flames lick at their faces,
The reflection of the colours dancing on their glazed lifeless eyes.
The flames change colours as it consumes them,
The smells that arise from the pile is deliciously fresh,
They roast as I await my turn and soon so shall you.
To be burned in the ever stirring light of the fire that fills our day.

The sun

I have a messed up life,
But it doesn't matter anyway,
But why bore you with this dull trife,
It doesn't matter anyway,
There are things to do,
Places to be,
No one has the time for chatter,
It doesn't matter anyway,
So walk on I say,
I'll just be alone,
I'm fine,
But it's not like it matters anyway,
I don't want to be held,
Told that I am loved,
As I sit trapped in a black room alone inside my head,
But don't worry you don't listen anyway,
I'll tell you about the words that peck at me,
I'll tell you about the ideas of what I could do wrong run on repeat inside of my head,
I'll tell you about my dreams,
I'll tell you about my fears,
I'll be happy thinking that I got something through,
But you won't listen,
You never do,
But that okay it doesn't matter anyway.

I scrub your floors,
I dust every square centimetre,
I polish every dish,
Mop the tile with my tears,

Just for you,
I could care less about the way the tile gleams,
I could care less about the lack of dust,
There is just one purpose,

I just want to see you smile at what I have achieved for you,
Yet all I receive is a scorn of what I missed or things I forgot to do,

Let thy soul be free,
Let soar through the calamity,
Let ye know who dare catch my soul,
Let them who painfully walk the earth,
Let it be known that the end is near,
Let them know physically,
Let them know mentally,
Let them know emotionally,
Let them know spiritually,
Let them know,
Let them know that I am coming.

***** life and all its pain,
I try to grasp life by its mane,
I want to be lane on a slab,
Just don't tell my mother Jane,

I look in the mirror and see happiness drain,
As if all the effort I put into it is was vain,

I cry as I remember why I crane my neck,
I look at the train as it is in front of me.