I have the urge to feel fire
in my throat and stomach.
A bottle of tequila, a shot glass
and the music of a haunted man.
To lay back and feel the burn
is the cure to the hole in my
shattered heart.
I want to drown everything
I want to forget you and erase you
from my thoughts, but I don't either.
I want to remember every
smile, laugh, kiss and touch.
I don't know what to drown
myself in...
the drink or the illusion my
memory gives.

I'd like to say one day
That I'll be definitely, unquestionably,
without a doubt, absolutely, 100%
okay.
But I don't know if I can say that.
I'm happy
but I'm not.
I can laugh and smile
but it's not the same.
I can love
but I still hate.
I don't know if I'll be the okay
you want me to be one day.

I can't think of you on rainy days
It only makes them colder
The memory of you, in my head
Dims as the days get older

I can't think of you on sunny days
It makes them dark and dreary
All I want is to be with you
But you are nowhere near me

I can't think of you any day
Not even just a thought
When you're on my mind I can't help but think
Of everything we're not

i guess
i will never understand
how such a beautiful boy
could be fooled into thinking
he deserves less than
perfection

Life
Death
Inbetween
These three things are what hold me

Life
Happiness
Love
Family
Friends
Life isn't just about living for yourself it's about living for others,
Life isn't just about waking up and and breathing it's about loving and caring.

Death
Sadness
Pain
Sorrow
Death isn't just about letting your final breath go its about letting everything go the love the happiness the life,
Death isn't just about pain and sadness it's a sweet oblivion and sweet place to go after all the pain and sadness.

The Inbetween
Is where I'm stuck
Stuck living for others my soul and heart is dead they have let go but I can't stop caring for the ones I care about they are two people who helped me through but soon I will let go for good and go to my sweet oblivion.

Life death Inbetween
All three are different
All three are painful
But I will stay through the pain for two people once they are safe and happy I will gladly take deaths hand an let him lead me to me sweet oblivion.

My mind is screaming
GO TO BED!
My heart is whispering
"just a few more minutes"
My mind quiets.......... while
My heart smiles with victory

This is the battle that goes on between my mind and my heart when it comes to enthralling books
:]

Why oh why do I follow you?
When you lead me to a foreign place
Where no flowers grow and all the tree's are bare
All I do is follow you
There is nothing to hear and nothing to feel
No sound of animals or insects near
The sky is still blue but with no clouds for comfort
And still I follow you
With eyes like water and hair as black as a raven
With a voice like honey and a smile like the devil
You make me feel as if I hardly know myself
You bring back memories that my desires wish to be real
and my mind wants them to be forgotten
I wish I could run but I know my heart would stop me
She's waiting for us to stop walking
To start somewhere where the flowers bloom and the grass grows
Where we could lay in the sun all day and form the clouds into our most treasured fantasies
But where do you start when your in a foreign place
When all I can do is follow you hoping that you will one day look behind and
realize I've always been there for you.