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Thinking of You Feb 2021
Where am I?
“You’re dead.” They said.

“It was quick, that’s why you have no memory. No pain, you came straight here.”

And where is here?

“Heaven of course”

Right right.
Well, glad I made it.
So what’s next? Do I go inside?

“Nope first you have to settle up your will.”

My will? Like my last will and testament?

“Yep!”

I think I did one of those, when I was living?

“No no sorry... not the will of your earth stuff. The will of your energy.”

My what?

“Your energy. The energy that was given to you upon birth.”

What do you mean?

“Energy never dies, it just goes into other things.”

Ok... sorry i’m still a little lost.

“You know when you felt like someone who died is with you? Or you get a sense they are watching out for you?”

Yes... of course.

“Did you think that was just in your head? Your emotions getting the better of you?”

Well kind of...

“Wrong! That’s their energy. They willed a portion of their energy to you. That’s why you felt them. They gave you a piece of themselves. It’s the most core thing you can will.”  

Wow. So I get to choose who feels those moments with me?

“Yes. Yes you do.”

Ok this might take a while...

“Don’t take too long, all of the people who willed to you - they’re right inside so excited to see you.”
Thinking of You Feb 2021
I feel like saying I love you but I haven’t yet.

Sometimes I say it in my head after saying good night.

I double checked my text to you last night to make sure I didn’t accidentally let it slip. I felt so strongly I just knew my thoughts could have leaked onto paper.

I feel like saying I love you, but I haven’t yet.
Thinking of You Jan 2021
It feels different with you.
In ways I keep failing to articulate.
There are no new things, but somehow they are all different.

Grocery store shopping is different with you.
Watching TV on the sofa is different with you.
Embracing you in my arms at night is different.

It’s a peace I’ve never had before.
That’s the main “different.”

A peace that some might describe as a knowing.

I don’t know if I know he’s the one.

But- the line from 500 days of summer feels like it rings true. “I just knew - What I was never sure of with you.”
Thinking of You Oct 2020
I have a suspicion there is something I am supposed to be looking forward to.

Is that you?
Thinking of You Oct 2020
I guard myself from feeling because I don’t want the hurt.

I keep myself from falling because I’m afraid of the bruises.
Thinking of You Sep 2020
It’s absurd how much I care about a ******* like.
The value subconsciously derived from a double tap.
Refreshing the page again and again.
You are valid, important, and loved... even if that picture you posted on Instagram recently performed like ****.
Thinking of You Sep 2020
If something triggers an unexpected love-struck memory quick enough, my heart still skips a beat.

It forgets he isn’t real.
He never was the man I fell in love with.
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