I stayed inside most of today
And watched Netflix
Somehow, as soon as I envisioned you as Colin Firth
In Bridgette Jones's Diary,
I couldn't help but think
"Am I your Renee Zelweger?"

I certainly ramble a lot
And say things I end up regretting
I don't make sense sometimes
I do silly things
I get into uncomfortable situations a lot
I certainly believe that I embarrassed you as well
But we didn't end up together
Like Mark and Bridgette

Every time he kissed her
My toes would tingle
As I remembered the way you kissed me
And when they went to bed together
I remembered things about you I have tried hard to forget

You are my Mark
And I used to be your Bridgette Jones
But I am not her anymore
You have a new girlfriend
But she is more like a lost puppy
Than your leading lady

I loved that shirt you wore today
The one that is dark blue and plaid
With your dark chestnut leather shoes
Looser fitting dark jeans
Complementing your freshly cut wavy hair
And light eyes

You look different now
Now that you are with her
Or maybe you have just grown
You are a man now

Is that possible?
You are a man?
Calling you a man makes me feel like a woman
We're so old now, five years later and we're here
Me looking at you and you looking like a man

There's something instinctual in that
Me wanting you like a woman does
Like in all the dreams I've ever dreamt
Without telling myself to dream of you
You are the one in them waiting for me
Making up for lost time
Being who I'd always wished you would be to me

I can admire you from afar
Because that's all that's that
I can't come too close
Because of her and of him
And you wouldn't want it anyway

I can't remember how it feels
To be held by you
I can't remember how you smell
Because it's been so long

I can't remember many thing about us
I've forgotten almost all
All but what I've written down

I am the ex-girlfriend
The one who holds on too long
Who feels things she shouldn't
The one that's long forgotten

"Please lay down with me for just five minutes"

"It will never be just five minutes"

"Yes, it will be, I promise"

"Okay, fine."

Home alone with thunderstorms make you feel so all alone
So that when you forget trivial things
Like retainers in people's cars
They become a necessity
So I call and you drive over a nine o clock in a monsoon
To give me a piece of plastic that fits around my molars
I did actually need it, but I wanted your company instead
So I got excited when I saw your lights outside
And greeted you at the door in my pajamas
You handed me my retainer and a bag of clothes from over the weekend

"You look cute"

"Haha! Thanks, I'm in my pajamas except for one thing..."

I slipped my bra off and could see you intrigued
It was not to ****** you, because I normally don't wear it at bedtime
But you took the initiative and slid your hands up my shirt
And then removed it all together
I was thinking to myself
Wow, I have never not had a shirt on in my own kitchen before
But I tried not to talk because I heard that it ruins the moment

Before I knew it, you were touching me, kissing me, caressing me
And you removed my shorts as well, then sat me on my kitchen counter
Then I thought,
******! I will have to wipe this off after we are done because I am sitting on it! And this is not a sanitary environment to prepare food in... But at the moment I really don't care because it feels good and his **** looks bigger than the last time I saw it

And thought,
Wow, my hair is almost long enough to cover my *******. If I grew it out all the way down to my waist, I could look like Lady Godiva riding the horse naked! But who would ever want to ride a horse naked?

And thought,
I really hope that my parents didn't lie to me about where they were on their way home. Because if they walk in through the door at this exact moment, I would be so *******. And then they would see me almost naked, which would be bad too

And thought,
What if my neighbors can see me standing ******* in my kitchen? Why don't we have curtains in here or something?

We never had ***, but we could have.
We could do a lot of things, but we don't
But we do know how to make the most of our time
And now that we had an hour, it seemed so long
We finished rather quickly... or... well... he finished rather quickly
In a matter of twenty minutes    
He finished like most guys do
I was just left unfinished like most girls are
At least he is kind enough to tap out before he **** in my mouth

But after we get it out of our systems, it starts to settle in
The instinctual desire to be held after a ****** encounter on the counter
So that led me to say...

"Please lay down with me for just five minutes"

"It will never be just five minutes"

"Yes, it will be, I promise"

"Okay, fine."

And you followed me up the staircase that was half-illuminated with sparks of lightning
We both crawled into my bed, I turned out the light, and we just laid there
It was the most perfect moment
And I could not keep my impulsive thoughts quiet anymore
So, while I was wrapped around him, I said,

"You know, if I could spend a night with you on the condition that I would not be able to do ****** things with you, but be able to just sleep next to you, I would"

And that seemed to make sense to him
Even though I feel like I am confusing, he gets me
He just smiled and said

*"Me too"